When gay partners aren't on the same page

[kcinohio]

Currently in the best primary relationship I've ever had (and lengthiest). While my partner has made significant arrangements for the longer term with us together ongoing, we aren't exactly on the same page when it comes to the gay marriage thing. I'm open to that and he isn't (he's been out around 15 years longer than I have and I already understand operating for some time from the idea that would never be a legal option).

Trying not to over-read into it. But, concerned I may be more into him, than he is into me. Anyway, it is kicking up some stuff, so going into short term therapy about it. Just not sure I want to share that with him yet, since I don't want to get into the why before I've sorted out my feelings around it. That can be mixed up in my perception of socially what's expected, what's mixed up in past family, CSA, and my own dysfunctional patterns for years, a better grounding on what's his is his and what that means, and what's mine now.

Does that sound reasonable or am I needlessly putting up barriers by doing therapy quietly on my own first?

 

[banterings]

kcinohio,

it is a fair question to ask him his expectations of the relationship. I don't know each of your ages, but there may be a different perception among older people that the equality of marriage would never be reached and this is "the equivalent."

Ask him. There is nothing wrong with asking for what you want.

 

[don64]

Hi kc,

That you are going back into counseling says very clearly that this is important to you. That, to me, is very healthy. Whether or not you tell your partner you are in therapy is your own call, in my opinion. And, I can see the wisdom in not discussing it with him at this time since you already feel you will not receive support.

From my perspective, the values clarification that needs to occur are from yourself to yourself. This isn't about him, it's about you and what this means to you. You need to know whether or not this is a deal breaker for you.

Sending you love and support,

Don

 

[kcinohio]

Thanks don64 and banterings. Appreciate the replies and will see how things go with this.

 

[don64]

You are in my thoughts. Don