when does it feel?

when does it feel?
A

ak

Registrant
I do not feel. I feel fear, sometime. But physical, I do not feel nothing. I do not feel my body, if it hurt or move right or wrong. I stop feel long time ago, and even hurt myself and break bones, not feel them, not feel pain. Is it allways gone now, I will not feel again, anything?I hurt my back few days ago, and not known it but I could not move my leg for some minutes, and then have bruising on my back. But I do not feel pain of it. I have medicine supposed to take for pain, and to make it not swell up so much, and I take it when supposed to, but it is not because of hurt. I think to not feel things like that, it is like to be not human really. And then I wonder, that they take myself away, and make me not human no more, does that ever return to me? Or always now, will it be I do not feel no more?
Andrei
 
Andrei,

You will feel again. It takes time to get used to being away from abuse. During the abuse, our minds do not want to know what happens to our bodies. We can block pain.

I have hurt myself (by accident) and not known about it. I broke bones (once my foot, another time my kneecap) and did not seek treatment. I remember a surgeon looking surprised and telling me that I "have an extremely high tolerance for pain." I bet others here have stories like that, too.

I am glad that you take the medicine as you should. Even if you do not feel the pain, your body still needs to heal.

You are human. You are a human with great strength and some terrible experiences. You got through those experiences. You will get through this, too.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Andrei, I know what you mean, exactly what you mean. And the answer is: in time. Time is the great healer. And fortunately, you have a lot of that ahead of you. You have been 'numbing' yourself from your pain for so long. Part of it is your self conditioning and part of it is defensive. Being able to feel again, react immediately and appropriately to pain will be a gradual process as part of your healing. Don't rush it, be patient with yourself. Peace, Andrew
 
Andrei,

As we are being abused, we turn off our feelings, so we don't feel so much of the pain. But we 'forget', more like don't know, to turn them back on again.

A big part of healing is getting in touch with the feelings we have surpressed through those times and after. To learn what they are and understand them.

The feeling are in there, we (or at least me) don't know how to get them out. When we let them out, we will feel them.

Take care,
Bill
 
Andrei,

I think what everyone here has said is good advice. I think always I have felt too much. You seem to have done the opposite. For both of us, it is how our brain has decided to deal with the abuse. I am not sure that there is some time when it starts to 'work' again. I just hope that you can be gentle with yourself, and treat yourself with kindness and patience. You deserve all that and so much more.

Leosha
 
Andrei,

You will feel again, your brain just forced it out, kind of got used to it, and as your brain got used to forcing away the feeling, it will get used to feeling once again, just takes time for your body and brain to realize it is not a needed form of defense any longer.

Not feeling does not make you less human, it shows that you are human, it was a clever and sophisticated defense mechanism that was needed for you to survive the abuse, and now that the abuse has ended you will feel again in time, just takes time after not feeling for so long. In the mean time just remember you are a good person, a human person. It will get better, I promise.

scott
 
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