When Did I Begin

When Did I Begin

Sunrise22

Registrant
In a very active and really supportive chat room last night we stumbled into thoughts around how we identify. Everyone agreed labels suck but I guess we all still think about it.

I shared that I struggle with wanting to know if how I feel about gender attraction is a direct throughput to csa. I’ve read about imprinting. I’ve read about SSA. While those may apply in other ways I don’t care. But then I really do.

I’ve watched friends of both gender question themselves.

I also know for me at times it’s the person but not the gender that draws me. But I also know they must make me feel safe and secure which I think is an effect.

But I want to know where I began. And i want to know if my label would be different if I did not have experiences at a young age with an older teen. There may be no answer I know. But Ugh!

Thank you to the chat room crowd. You help so much.
 
Hi Sunrise :)

I almost joined you all last night but was feeling down, anxious and overwhelmed. So, I needed to be alone. We’ve chatted before and I have really enjoyed it. The live chat is a great space and I’ve always felt welcomed.

For me as an abused child, teased and bullied in school, I never knew I was so different. I didnt recognize my sexual orientation until I was in college. I was in a new relationship that evolved into “more than friends.”* Which I guess is the normal, lol. I needed to learn & understand the labels that society was using to define people. Then I could understand if they resonated with me or not. I’m not sure how I feel about being labeled by others. It was more of just trying to know the world around me, and how I represent what or who I am in my surroundings.

The odd thing is, it changes over time. I wouldnt use the same labels today as I did when I came out. Just like when I arrived to this site, I felt more like a victim of my circumstances then a survivor. Now, i’m more comfortable with being the latter.

..i’m learning and growing.
 
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