When are you resting and when are you hiding?

[Dan88]

I think I can only take so much when it comes to raking over the coals of the past. I've reached a point where I don't see great improvements in my outlook. I'm not healthier than yesterday. I'm just spending a lot of time spinning my wheels and churning up dust. And what starts out as recovery work turns into self-pity and a whole slew of exhausting triggers.

I have this image right now of my inner child as this exhausted little guy just trying to sleep and I keep poking him with a stick by drilling deeper into this shit. I think I just need to let us both rest for a bit and turn my attention to something else.

At the same time, I don't ever want to be in the position where I'm hiding again from the abuse. I won't accept that as an alternative. Make sense to anyone? How do you find the right balance between ignoring the past and overdosing on it?

 

[reality2k4]

Dan,

hey it's so hard, get to know you're inner child, there are so many books on it, I read in one book this thing about how your inner child controls you from the subconscious, and it makes sense to me.

If I look on work, so many people take time off, the workload goes up, so I have to work harder, the harder I work the more it makes me tired. I never take time off, sometimes when I really don't want to go anywhere near the place.

In this book, it says that your inner child, is telling you not to go into work, and just have a good time and relax, you have enough pressure, without dealing with the pressure of the crap.

Try and go back on your childhood, as far as you want to go, keep a journal of things, write it down, it is surprising how many things you can remember, but remember the good things as well. There will be good things that happened.

Try to focus your inner child on good things.
He is hurt, but you can protect him now, and hey,he protects you too.

He was never meant to go through so much hurt and all the feelings and baggage he lugs around, work with him, and he will make you feel, that you have indeed done a good job.

You have fought for him, and he loves you for that, he doesn't want you to be hurt, because in your hurt, he is hurt, and he has been hurt for so long for reasons that where beyond his control.

I am sure that working with the inner child, is the only way through, my inner child was a boy, who had the capacity to love everyone, until it was taken away, so I work with him, so I am not so bitter.

Don't forget, he was the one who makes us feel life really is worth living, find him, work with him, and you will get there. He is not that far away from you.

The only stage in recovery, is when we STOP blaming ourselves, hey, we were only kids then, in an adult World. We had to live in a whirlwind of chaotic thoughts and weird misconceptions, thinking we were dirty little pieces of shit.

HEY, put the blame where it lies, I hope you discover the real kid in you,

take care

ste