when and how to blow the whistle
Im wondering if anyone here has experience with reporting suspected child abuse. My current situation with my husband is much improved as I feel with therapy and his whole attitude now we are rebuilding trust. However, Im still losing sleep and having bad dreams about his little sister (now 12) who lives with his father who abused him. He also heard from his aunt that his dad molested her when she was 3 and 4 and he was 18 and 19. My husband seems to feel its more his problem or his business and that I should sort of butt out and let him figure it out. In my gut I feel I have been a victim of my father-in-law as well, through what he did to my husband as a kid, and through the disgusting things that have come out of his mouth and I refuse to be anyones victim. I want him to be held accountable for the evil he does. We dont have another appointment with the therapist until 1/20 and my husband has a business trip to Florida scheduled for 1/24. I mentioned something about seeing his father (who lives in Florida) and my husband says he doesnt plan to see him. Were contemplating whether Ill go with our daughter on the trip, but it looks like husband will be working the whole time anyway so a trip to Disney World might not even be possible. My thinking is that we might want to try to act friendly toward Stephen (child molester father-in-law) to throw him off track that we could be behind getting Sarahs situation investigated (Sarah is the 12-year-old). I dont think I could stomach being in the same room with him, or seeing him touch my daughter. I could maybe write a friendly letter or something, I dont know. Its just that I do fear this man; I just sense hes quite evil and dangerous. I know he has many ties to people in the porn industry, and I have reasons and visual evidence to strongly suspect child porn as well. I greatly fear retaliation against me or my daughter, maybe my husband as well if he suspects I had anything to do with it.
I have a sister whos a lawyer and shes said she thinks she should be the one to contact the prosecutor over in Florida because the reporting will hold more weight coming from an attorney. Ive learned so much being here on this site since everything came down so Im just looking for advice or insight on this issue. Im getting really impatient with my husband because he doesnt want to talk about or think about Sarah right now. In a way I feel like I have to have this from him, that it needs to really start with him. If he isnt willing to try to protect his own sister it makes me feel like he cant really make the right choices for our daughter, either, and that worries me.
When I met Sarah she was eight and anorexic, drinking formula from a bottle and using a pacifier still. She slept in the bed with Stephen and her mom still. I have since read that overindulgence is the perfect cover for abuse. She is extremely infantilized and indulged, spoiled really, to where I dont believe shed ever tell anyone about the abuse. According to her parents, she has allergies to the point where they never would let Sarah come visit us and she cant even go to friends houses. She recently told my husband that shes popular in school because she can keep secrets better than anyone. I guess we know who taught her to keep secrets. So what happens with a child whos so brainwashed and dependant that she may never tell?
To this point, my husband spent hours upon hours taking psychological tests and then we only had 2 sessions together, so weve barely touched upon the topic of Sarah. I feel that the one message I got from the therapist was to worry about finding stability in my own family. Ive heard this message other places too, not to waste your energy where you dont really have any power. But my gut is telling me that I do have power because I have decency and a decent brain as well.
This Aunt is the only person we know living near them who sees Sarah once or twice a month. When I met her she seemed like a pathetic lost soul type of person so I dont take her word that she thinks Stephen is a changed man and that Sarah isnt in danger. Shes obviously screwed up to me if shes maintained her relationship with her perpetrator all these years (I think so much of it has to do with money). She probably knows Sarahs being abused but figures what can be done? Sarah will be safe from abuse if shes put in foster care, but shell also be with people who dont love her.
One other question Id like to put forth is Id really like to hear from anyone who knows somebody like my husband who was abused but didnt really recognize it or was in denial so deep for years and years. This site has been a comfort to me, but its also been difficult feeling like my story is still so different from everyone elses. Stephen obviously is able to hold a spell over his victims if his sister is still in his life. His other son, Mark, my husbands older brother, was abused as well but still sees it as a positive experience. He told my husband this just a couple weeks ago. Stephen is a master manipulator. So my husbands the only one whos having the light turned on for him, the therapist were seeing is really wonderful. Thinking about this now, about what a good spell-caster Stephen is, Im thinking theres just no way Sarah will ever be truthful to anyone trying to help her out of the situation.
Thanks for taking the time to read this long post. If youre curious about any other aspect of my story feel free to read any previous posts and I also posted under ABridget for awhile while my computer was out being fixed and I didnt have my forlauren password on hand.
I have a sister whos a lawyer and shes said she thinks she should be the one to contact the prosecutor over in Florida because the reporting will hold more weight coming from an attorney. Ive learned so much being here on this site since everything came down so Im just looking for advice or insight on this issue. Im getting really impatient with my husband because he doesnt want to talk about or think about Sarah right now. In a way I feel like I have to have this from him, that it needs to really start with him. If he isnt willing to try to protect his own sister it makes me feel like he cant really make the right choices for our daughter, either, and that worries me.
When I met Sarah she was eight and anorexic, drinking formula from a bottle and using a pacifier still. She slept in the bed with Stephen and her mom still. I have since read that overindulgence is the perfect cover for abuse. She is extremely infantilized and indulged, spoiled really, to where I dont believe shed ever tell anyone about the abuse. According to her parents, she has allergies to the point where they never would let Sarah come visit us and she cant even go to friends houses. She recently told my husband that shes popular in school because she can keep secrets better than anyone. I guess we know who taught her to keep secrets. So what happens with a child whos so brainwashed and dependant that she may never tell?
To this point, my husband spent hours upon hours taking psychological tests and then we only had 2 sessions together, so weve barely touched upon the topic of Sarah. I feel that the one message I got from the therapist was to worry about finding stability in my own family. Ive heard this message other places too, not to waste your energy where you dont really have any power. But my gut is telling me that I do have power because I have decency and a decent brain as well.
This Aunt is the only person we know living near them who sees Sarah once or twice a month. When I met her she seemed like a pathetic lost soul type of person so I dont take her word that she thinks Stephen is a changed man and that Sarah isnt in danger. Shes obviously screwed up to me if shes maintained her relationship with her perpetrator all these years (I think so much of it has to do with money). She probably knows Sarahs being abused but figures what can be done? Sarah will be safe from abuse if shes put in foster care, but shell also be with people who dont love her.
One other question Id like to put forth is Id really like to hear from anyone who knows somebody like my husband who was abused but didnt really recognize it or was in denial so deep for years and years. This site has been a comfort to me, but its also been difficult feeling like my story is still so different from everyone elses. Stephen obviously is able to hold a spell over his victims if his sister is still in his life. His other son, Mark, my husbands older brother, was abused as well but still sees it as a positive experience. He told my husband this just a couple weeks ago. Stephen is a master manipulator. So my husbands the only one whos having the light turned on for him, the therapist were seeing is really wonderful. Thinking about this now, about what a good spell-caster Stephen is, Im thinking theres just no way Sarah will ever be truthful to anyone trying to help her out of the situation.
Thanks for taking the time to read this long post. If youre curious about any other aspect of my story feel free to read any previous posts and I also posted under ABridget for awhile while my computer was out being fixed and I didnt have my forlauren password on hand.
