Whats the worse that can happen?

Whats the worse that can happen?
I fear that if I tell people they will dismiss it and act like it was nothing. (I know, the one above kinda contradicts this one...I'm a poor lost soul.)

I fear connecting with my child.
These are two of my fears. My mother always has downplayed what happened. ALWAYS!
I fear no woman would ever want/need/love me.
I fear I cannot protect/care for myself.
I fear most of all not being able to be a Dad.
Glen
 
I fear being intimate with someone.
I fear that I will have more memories.
I fear that I will never be healthy enough to have any real relationship.
I fear that anyone that finds out about my past will not want to take on that kind of luggage and will reject me.

I am tired of feeling alone.
I am tired of feeling scared.
I am tired of trying to figure out what is wrong with me.
I am tired of not enjoying my life.

I am jealous of the people even on this site, who have managed to enjoy a relationship with a spouse or someone special to them, as I haven't even taken that step yet.
 
I fear that by telling my wife about my abuse, she has forever lost her love for me.

I fear that she now thinks that my quirks are really deep seated character flaws.

I fear that I will not be able to find another person of her caliber to love me.

I fear that I won't learn to love me.

I fear that if I have children, that they may suffer what I suffered.

I fear that if I don't get myself in order, I am doomed to a constant sadness.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I quote a song by Bauhaus,

"In Fear of Fear"

You fear the lesson,
and fear to walk,
and fear to pass on
your fear to talk.

The teacher was feared
your parents too
then you became
the fear of you.

Look to yourself
Climb over the wall
and see behind
that you're not so small
then you won't blame fear
when competing's too much
as you fall on your back
and fail to touch.

And I say to you
when your fear is strong
when you fear your life
then your fear is wrong
set free your past
so shedding the skin
then you won't fear
the fear of sin
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I fear that I will not learn to kill this fear.

I fear that despite my insight, I continue to fear.

Most of all, I fear being alone.
 
I fear growing up 'cause people tell me I'm just like him. I fear not growing up fast enough. I fear being alone with my bad thoughts. I fear darkness. I fear being stuck in a place where no one can reach me. I fear that telling someone won't change anything or it'll make everything worse. I fear it'll happen again. I fear crying in front of people. I fear losing control. I fear questions. I fear silence. I fear that I'll never feel safe enough to let someone touch me, to allow myself to feel loved without going to that place in my head where I keep all the ugly thoughts. I fear change.
 
Painful but good thread.

Here are mine:

I fear that people will see behind the mask I wear.
I fear that there is no mask and people actually like me for who I am.
I fear not being able to be a good father or husband.
I fear that the unresolvedd issues will ruin all that I have.
I fear my acting out is more than acting out.
I fear the complexity that is sexuality
I fear the society I live in
I fear that my creativity has left me
I fear that I'll never be able to write again

I no longer fear that I will repeat the cycle - Yea! I got past that one.
 
I hope it's okay if I bring this back. It's been a couple months since I wrote about my fears and some have changed but others are still there.

I fear that grownups here (and in my life) will judge me if I tell them everything I've done. I fear that if I tell my foster parents everything they'll change their mind about fostering me. I fear being abandoned. I fear I'll get the blame for wrecking my family. I fear I'll never be good enough. I fear that I'm labelled in some way. I fear that the hurt and abuse is part of who I am and I'll never be whole. I fear that the abuse made me gay. I fear being different. I fear being invisible. I fear my anger and losing control. I fear my body changing 'cause I'm not ready to be a man. I fear change.
 
Ste told me maybe its a good idea to make a list of my fears so I can talk about them, & then last night Charlie said there was this thread. So thnx Ste & Charlie & here r my fears.

1. I fear Im going crazy.
2. I fear nobody who really knows me could ever like me.
3. I fear nobody will want me cept to fuck me.
4. I fear it was my fault.
5. I fear people who touch me want to hurt me.
6. I fear Im gonna do something stupid & die.
7. I fear Im a failure already & Im not even an adult yet.
8. I fear Im not a good brother.
9. I fear everything about sex.
10. I fear I just make trouble 4 my family.
11. I fear losing another year in school.
12. I fear that when my birthdad abandoned us it was cos of me.
13. I fear stuff happening to my little brothers at home & Charlie.
14. I fear disappointing my Dad.
15. I fear for my big brother Jake.
16. I fear Im not strong enough 2 stay off drugs.
17. I fear how much I think about running away.

Kev
 
I fear that I am not strong enough to go ahead with the Court Case because it is taking so long.

I fear that I will not do justice to myself and each of you here when the case actually goes to Crown Court.

I fear that if I let you all down then there will be other victims.

I cannot and will not let you down!

Rik
 
i fear myself and my mind. if i start crying i might never stop. i might completely lose it.
i fear the things that creep into my mind when i try to sleep at night. im afraid of being afraid.
i am afraid of never getting over this. of never finding someone that will understand me and love me and not think i am a disgusting freak. im afraid of never being myself.
im a fraid of the dark. and sleeping. and looking people in the eye because i think they can see right through me and know all of the things i try to hide.
(and im afraid of spiders, if that counts for anything)
 
I fear that I will do something and make you abandon me.

I fear I'll say the wrong thing and you won't want me anymore.

I fear that my desire for love will make me do something really stupid that gets me in trouble.

I'm afraid the abuse never happened and I did all this for nothing, that I'm just crazy.

I'm afraid of having to deal with my mother, that she'll show up or call and I'll have to tell her how much she hurts me.

I'm afraid of getting fat and ugly so nobody will want me. Even though my brain knows that looks don't matter to real friends.

I'm afraid I'm so needy that I'll scare the people I care about away.

It's all about losing the people I care about and having to face this alone. So I do what it takes, whether it's be fake or lose weight or be the ultimate helper--whatever it takes to keep from being alone. And that's how the SA happened. That hurts, that my family was so cold, the abuse may have been a good thing to the little boy. It should never have to be that way.

Tough thread.
 
I know this is an old post but I want to bump it up cause I am filled with fears at the moment and am struggling to stay afloat with everything going on around me!

I feel terrified that I won't be able to keep it together.
I'm scared that I with fail at school or not do perfectly.
I scared that my life will spiral out of control.
I'm scared that I trust ppl that I should not.
I terrified of losing control over my life.

I am scared that I will act out again.
I am scared that I will always be alone
enough for now.......

Logan
 
More May TRIGGER

I am really scared of violence. I think that I have an allergy to it.
I am really scared of being attacked! I am terrified of what my reaction to it might be, I am scared that I will go into shock crawling into a fetal position and sobbing uncontrollably-that has happened before.

I am scared that other people will sense my fear, that they will be able to tell that I am afraid and then that will make me more of a target and more likely to get victimized, again.


I am afraid to goto sleep at night sometimes.

I fear what I may dream about.
I am afraid of some of my memories, it's like the haunt me.

I am tired of being afraid!

Logan
 
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I fear the overwhelming feeling deep inside, like I'll have a LOUD STRONG cry one day. In spite of the fear, I so desire to own it.

I fear being known and seen by others in the work world.

I fear others will get to know me.

I fear relying on a victim mindset forever.

I fear feeling insecure and vulnerable indefinitely.

I'm afraid I'll never feel comfortable in my own skin.

I fear change--of me.

I fear losing some ground I've gained--although feeling pain often doesn't last or leave damage as is feared.

I fear I'll never leave my safe spot, that my safety actually creates misery.

Gonna stop for now. I have to evaluate what's real and what's purely imagined.

Alfred
 
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Oh one more

I am terrified of being tied up or restrained in anyway so that I can't move.
I fear being trapped
I fear man made electricity and getting shocked
I fear that I won't get better or that it won't help even if I do talk about it.
I fear going to this new therapy will be too intense and painful.
I am scared of what I don't remember and what I may remember.
I am afraid that I will always feel afraid and that there is nothing that I can do about it.
I fear that my masculinity is irrevocably damaged and I will never be manly enough.
Logan
 
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MAN GREAT JOB GUYS , I LOVE IT WHEN THE DARK MEETS THE LIGHT
KEEP IT COMMING
FACING YOUR FEARS IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET OVER THIS STUFF.

THE GREAT THING IS AFTER YOU FACE THE FEARS THEY END UP BEING NO WHERE NEAR AS BAD AS YOU HYPED THEM UP TO BE .

I HAVE FACED ALL MY FEARS
THE ONLY FEAR I REALLY HAVE LEFT IS FALLING OFF THE WAGON
BEEN SOBER FOR OVER 7 YRS BESIDES THAT
I HAVE FACED MY FEARS

GREAT FREAKING THREAD CONGRATS AND KEEP THEM COMMING GUYS THIS IS A REALLY GREAT THREAD AND SHOULD BE UTILIZED TO THE FULLEST
 
Hi Logan,

I think you've made a major step in facing your fears simply by writing them out as you did above. So many times I don't think I've had the courage to do even that, but you have articulated them so well here. I hope you can see that and give yourself credit for that accomplishment. It is no small feat.

Collectively, when you list your fears like this, they can seem overwhelming. Have you tried to break them down individually and examine them one by one? I think if you did, they may begin to lose some of the power you feel they have over you. I don't think we ever lose all our fears, that would be unnatural. Everyone is scared of something. I think that anyone who says they aren't is not facing reality. So having some fear is a normal, healthy thing. Maybe try to begin looking at each one and maybe writing out what you fear about that in detail. That could help you make a connection to why you have that fear and how you can reduce or eliminate it.
 
Thank you for the encouraging reply, Eddie.

That is actually a pretty good idea for some of them and I'm gonna give it a shot.
I mean, I already journal, so why not try this out and see if it helps to recude some of them?

Also, this may sound weird but Thanks for coming back to MS, I missed you and you have always had great advice.

So, thanks for that too

Logan
 
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