Whats the worse that can happen?

Whats the worse that can happen?
Cement

my constant fear is money, losing it, not being able to support myself, losing my house my car my work my family...

I think this is an inverted fear. I am actually afraid of the success I can have, so I focus on lower goals and worry about them so needlessly and constantly, that I lose the strength and ability to work on my writing, sacrificed in order to worry about the piddling details of life.
Click to expand...
Cuts to close to the bone for me.

It's what keeps me from feeling truly free and enjoying life to the fullest. :)

Lately I've been flush with cash... more than I ever have been. And yet... I find myself with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach thinking that it'll all be gone tomorrow... (don't want to go there).

It's been a pretty good three weeks over all because of it... but the tension is there just the same. Hopefully I can get rid of the tension before i get rid of the cash.
 
I know that feeling, worry when you are tight on cash, then when you do have cash, worry that it is going to be gone.

I am trying to look at my life and realize I have always been in this state of worry, and I have survived.

Dammit that pisses me off, especially because it has a life of its own. Therapy, meds and writing have not yet been able to expunge the beast.

Ah...deep breaths...

Peacwe,
James
 
"I finally found somebody who can understand what I've been through. But then he says others are worse off than I am, so I should quit my whining."

Matthew --

The person you think understands you doesn't understand you at all. If he did, he wouldn't belittle your pain by telling you that others are worse off than you are. Maybe there are others who are worse off; maybe there aren't. One way or the other, it is very mean of him to dismiss your suffering as though it should be of no importance. This man is not for you. He is emotionally numb. Please get yourself into therapy. If you stick with it long enough and work hard at feeling your feelings no matter how frightening feelings seem to you to be, your life will improve immeasurably.
 
This is a good thread from the past:


I fear I won't be loved. But have found that I can be liked.

I fear that I will lose it. Break down crying uncontrollably at work or in front of my son. Slip into a deep depression, become homeless again.

I fear that the anger will be unleashed all at once.

I fear that some of the partial memories I have recovered from the first abuser may be as bad as they seem.

I fear that the kids I saw with my first abuser were abused too.

I fear that I was there only hope to be saved.

I fear that the fear of going near a window or ledge won't go away.

I fear that if I ever drink, I'd become an alcoholic.

I fear that I may never have a good dream and remember it.

and the biggest: I fear that I won't be able to protect my son.
 
Some of these may sound dumb...

I fear fear.

I fear emotions.

I fear heights :)

I fear opening up to people.

I fear telling my brother and sister.

I fear if I talk to people about it they will feel sorry for me.

I fear that if I tell people they will dismiss it and act like it was nothing. (I know, the one above kinda contradicts this one...I'm a poor lost soul.)

I fear connecting with my child.

I have a lot more...but I got tired

Jon
 
Years ago, when my two tear old niece learnt some verbal abuse from somewhere, the doc said, dont acknowledge it, just let it pass. For each time you acknowledge it, react to it, you push it deeper in her mind. Dont give fear any meaning that is the only way to diffuse it. Refuse it.

Sure enough within a few months she forgot all the abuses.

Life will always have triggers, for our fear patterns, but gradually as we start ignoring them they will disappear from our horizon. It is like an old friend who stop calling as soon as we start ignoring him. He knows his days are over. And we have moved on.

Acknowledging our fears is one thing but indulging in them by discussing them as virtues is self pity. This way we only energize them. And I dont want to do that any more.

It is brave to say that you have fears. But it is far more courageous to say I wont allow fears to RUN my life.

Today I let go off all the fear in my life.
Everything that I posted here yesterday has been removed. I am taking away all their power, by not even acknowledging them any more. I want all of you to do the same.

Fears are just memories of the past, and I dont want fear to have any place in my future, I want to create it the way I want.

Today I am breaking up with my fears. TODAY i AM MOVING ON!
 
I fear my medical problem caused from the abuse will one day kill me.

I fear I will never know how to touch or be touched

I fear the loss of my job.

I fear that people I know will one day know the truth about me.

I fear that one day I will just give up and fade away.

I fear that my wife will one day stop loving me.

Most of all I am afraid of myself..

Mark.
 
Wow just look at you guys.

I am terrified of retiring at the end of this year. It brings on the I am no good syndrome.

I always fear the pull of violence against myself

I fear that regardless of how I move on I will, at the drop of a pin, be prepared to visit that sort of pain again.

I fear that my wife will leave one day. I have always had that.

I fear for the safety of both my wife and daughter.

I fear for each and everyone here.

I am afraid of dying before I can have some real quality time with my wife Nicole.

I am afraid of my anger getting the better of me one day.

Other than that I am afraid of Nothing.
 
just sad today -
and
being afraid of anything is one more thing i can't handle -

- can't even think about it -

- and maybe i just need to be sad right now -

- i agree with 'uncertain' in the sense - that
stopping work - has given good time for pause - healing and growth -

but
now i am anxious to get back to work -
and just do something -

i don't want to deny my continuing growth
and healing -
because that is what work did to me before -
i shelled up -

and went robot like - and was alone

- but i want it to be better than it was
not the same experience -
an organic experience from now on -? don't know if that is the right word - i was a work horse -
now i would like to be horse AND driver -


-just a little tired and sad - and need to get back into enjoying what i like to do - get the confidence back - somehow -

-after this last friend-tastrophe down here in FL -

i need some healing - for the next few days -
would welcome pms of hi and how are you.. lol :-)

thanks -

mgb
 
I fear that if the people around me knew the horrors in my mind from the past, they would leave me.

I fear that if my wife knew I was still having trouble, she would fall apart, because she can't go through it again.

I fear that if I go back to therapy, I will lose the feeling of strength I've had the last couple of years.

I fear that I will get what I want and lose my old family.

I fear that someone will see what I really am.

I fear that I'll wear the wrong thing or make the wrong gesture that will bring out the predator in someone else.

I'm afraid I would act the part of the victim if I were confronted by a predator.

I'm afraid of losing the past, but I'm more afraid of keeping it.

I'm afraid of acting like I know it all in order to avoid my own self-doubt.

I'm afraid to get too close for fear that I'll be rejected.

I'm afraid that I don't belong here.

ForeverFighting
 
I fear of losing control and I will be in that situation where I have to submit to my absuer, who will control my emotions for his needs.

I fear what my inner child will tell me about the abuse and will not be able to comfort him. If I don't interact with him, I will not know his sorrows.

I fear that the angry teenager who lives inside of me may take control who will say and do things that I will regret. Also, I fear what he may tell me why he is angry about the abuse.

I fear I will not be able to love myself becasue of the bad things that happened to me during the abuse. Also I fear that I will not stop blaming myself for the abuse.

Chuck
 
My inner child had many dark fears, he had to control them day and night, just in case he gave into them and lost control.
He was strong enough to get there, and I now have to look after him.
He fears that the adult will fall into bad health.
He fears not being able to work
Not being able to go on walking, his hobby.
He fears not being able to deal with stressors, which were so much easier when he was young.

There are so many, it is not possible to list,

ste
 
I had fears and I have fears. Some of my old fears have come to fruition and they were without foundation. Some were devastating.

I feared that my wife would abandon me. She didn't, she stood by my side even after she knew everything, but she died anyway and there was nothing that I could do about it. I survived.

I feared that if my family knew about my abuse they would not believe me and withdraw from me. I told them and most of them were supportive and none of them were hostile, some of them were indifferent. But I felt better for having told them and that's what was important to me.

I feared that if my family found out that I was gay they would hate me. They know and all they want is for me to be happy. My mom and my younger sister have told me they have never seen me so content and at peace with myself. I thought to myself at the time "I'm not just happy, I'm gay!" They always ask about my partner and how he's doing. I feel loved.

I feared that I would lose everything that I have worked for and be left alone and lonely. I am losing my job soon and I am not all that concerned. I have evaluated my life, my financial position, all of that, and have decided that I can live just fine on what I have. If I get another position somewhere else, fine, if not, that will be fine too. Maybe it's just that I have matured and this stuff just doesn't get to me anymore.

I fear that the love of my life will die just like my late wife did. He does have health problems but then so do I. We've decided to just live our lives everyday, not foolishly but fully. Love is like that. We care for each other.

Fears are scary. Sometimes when you're faced with your worst fears you find out that there was nothing to be afraid of. Sometimes you found out that if was the most horrible thing that could ever happen. But I survived, I lived through it and I will continue. I like myself more now than I have for most of my life. I can live with that.

Take good care of yourselves my friends and brothers,

Steve
 
I feared telling
I feared being misunderstood
I feared that no one would believe me
I feared that if I told I would be rejected
I feared that I'd got it wrong (no chance).
I feared not being afraid
I feared being afraid
I feared geting up in the morning
I feared not getting up in the morning
I feared life
I feared living
I told
I was understood
I was believed
I was not rejected
I never got it wrong
I was afraid
I still can be afraid
I still get up every morning (unless I didn't go to bed until late morning)
Then I get up in the afternoon (only on a weekend after too much celebrating).
I want to get up.
I made a complaint
I have seen real fear
It's in his eye's now as I identified him.
He is in court tomorrow (24th Feb)
I fear that he will die before he makes a plea
I fear that he will die before I can face him in court.
I fear that he will loose that look of fear.
I used to see that look when I looked in the mirror.
I fear that that expression will come back.
I do not fear that bastard any longer.
I fear that when the court case is over I will be a miserable bastard
I also fear that I will become so happy that everyone will think I'm permanently on E's
I fear that in court he will admit to there being many other victims
I fear that he will lie and say I am the only one
I know that he will lie and say that there were none
Fear the bastard can have it for what is left of his life - I don't want it any more
I fear that someday I think that I will not need this site
I fear that when I really need it, it will not be here
I fear that you will not be here when I really need you
I fear that there will always be new victims

Rik
 
I fear
hospitals
doctors
bein abused agin
never get bettr
my friends not gettin bettr
abusers
bad dreams
medicene
eating
not eating
talking
being hurt
bein alone
bein stupid
not understandin stuff
hurtin someone
bein vilent
cuttin myself
hurtin myself
breakin stuff
punchin walls
sayin wrong thing
doin wrong thing
people see me cryin
losin people i care bout
flashbacks
not bein strong
wakin up
not wakin up
sleepin
this house
the phone
thrapst
all guys not gettin bettr
things that rmy fault
and other stuff i cant think of rite now
 
Damn you, Thad. But here goes.

I fear that some day I will quit fighting my SA and actually accept it. I have accepted it at all levels except the most important one....the level of my child. My child is still hiding out and holding out and throwing out reasons why this could not be true and that could not be true and why one cannot trust repressed memories. He jumps at all chances to discredit the horrible intrusions on his carefully contructed fortress. He watches the adult Bobby flail around trying to contend with this and that and to figure out this and that secure that none of the things that Bobby is dealing with can touch him. He feels strong. He has been strong all of those many years since he went into hiding.

I fear.....it is more a panic...that, if the truth ever breaks through his walls, there will be such a collapse that he will never be found again. You see, he has yet to be abused. He has yet to feel the pain. He has yet to acknowledge that both his mother and his father abused him...used him to ease their pain when they could not face one another. And when he does, all of the anguish that they deposited in his tiny soul will come rushing forth and rupture that soul and there will be nothing left. And so, even as the SA swirls all around him, I almost hear myself saying, "Hold on, little guy. Hold on just a little while longer. I have a few more things I want to do before we die."
 
I fear that my fears will continue to exercise a restraint over my life and what I could be,
of this I am so afraid that I don't even want to go anywhere near my fears.
I fear that if I focus of fear I will, my life will become a self fuffilling prophecy.
I fear men, that someone I know is an abuser AND IS AFTER ME
I fear if I let my guard down and trust I will be betrayed and stomped on

F.alse E.vidance A.ppearing R.EAL
 
My ultimate fear is what if I just have ADD, and there was no effects from the "sexual abuse"? I've told the perps mom (also my mom because he is my brother), that he abused me. What if it isn't true?
 
I fear, still fear, that it will become publicly known, that 'everyone' will know. Paranoia, yes, I know. I know that even if my own personal history of abuse was all over 'USA Today', most people would still not know or care. But still, to be out of control of WHO knows about it, that is my biggest fear. After so long having no control of things, THIS is finally something I can control. I am not ready to give that up.

Leosha
 
Currently, my greatest fear is that I will lose everything because I chose to tackle this issue once and for all. Is it worth it to me to lose my wife's trust? Is it worth it to be "outted". I don't want anyone else knowing about me other than the ones I choose to tell. Will someone I've told, tell someone else? I am old enough that I could handle it, but I don't want to handle everyone else knowing. I don't want to answer questions about it.

My marriage is now on shaky ground, not because she has no empathy, but because she realizes that she really hasn't known me in 27 yrs of marriage. She has a lot of questions. A lot more than I want to deal with right now. There are days I wish I had just kept all this shit inside. I thought I would be a better person one day by facing these issuses. Maybe Im selfish, though. Maybe I will be a better person, but I fear I may hurt a lot of people in the process. Is it worth it?

To finally be free of this burden, but end up totally alone, that is the worse that can happen to me.
 
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