what's something from your journey you're proud of?

beanbean

Registrant
this could be a small moment, one with no witnesses - it could be something that came easy or with layers and layers of challenges.
 
That’s such a difficult question for many here, I should imagine. I can’t personally associate to the word pride. I have things I have done that were positive, but proud no I can’t do that emotion yet.
 
My father, one of my abuses, hated me & called me stupid.
I’m proud of:
1) being a much better Husband, dad & grandpa
2) protecting my children
3) being more successful professionally than he could ever imagine.
Finally, I’m proud that I listened to The Holy Spirit when He spoke to me in Aug 2018
 

newground

Chat Moderator
Staff member
think Im going to have to agree with Jethro Tull. pride is not really in my vocabulary. I have done some things I thought I would never do. but to be proud of that is not something I can manage. I love my kids and they are great, that is as close as I come to pride, But the fact is they did well in spite of me not because of me
 

MO-Survivor

Greeter
Staff member
This... is something I am proud of:

One year in college, during the summer, we had a chance to join with other student leaders from other campuses for a month-long spiritual retreat. The place we stayed was a mission organization and they had dormitories at their world headquarters. We were allowed to meet and stay there for a month (room and board provided) in exchange for working outside around their campus in the morning hours. The afternoons were planned out with activities. I remember at the start of our month our campus director was very explicit with us: “Do not waste this time and opportunity. Because once you are out of college and working jobs and raising kids, you won’t have opportunities like this.”​
The mission organization where we stayed had a full-time staff counselor to help with the needs of staff and missionary families on furlough. A couple of my friends had met this counselor at a conference and had consulted with him on a few things. This man was about 6’4’ tall, had white hair, and had the face of an angel. I have no other way to describe him – his face glowed, and he was extremely caring and empathetic. Most of us who got to know him tried to make sure we had a counseling session with him. I got my chance to talk with him as well, and I told him about what had happened to me and about some of my struggles when I was younger. He was so caring, and so encouraging.​
Sometime after I met with him, he received a call from a dad in Texas. The dad wanted to bring his 13-year-old son to talk with this counselor. The dad had been referred to him by someone who said he was an excellent, caring counselor. After talking on the phone with the dad, the counselor agreed to see the dad and his son, so they drove up to meet with him. After their counseling session, this counselor approached me and told me a little about the boy and why he was there. The boy had attended a camp, and one night the boy’s counselor masturbated the boy in his sleep (the boy woke up, and only pretended to be asleep). This counselor asked if I would be willing to talk with him and the boy. The boy’s dad said it would be okay. Of course, I said, “Yes.”​
The boy was aware I knew what had happened to him, and I don’t think the counselor asked him to recount it for me. But the counselor did ask me to share with him what had happened to me. So, I did. The counselor then asked us both a question. It was something like, “When you think about what happened to you, how do you feel?” I think we both answered with something akin to, “Bad.” I wasn’t really in touch with how I felt deep down about my own abuse, and I think being 13 and having had it just happen, the kid was probably unsure as well. But “bad” wasn’t what the counselor was trying for, so he tried asking us the same thing a couple different ways. Finally, he just had to tell us: “When someone does something like this to you, you can feel ‘dirty.’ Did it make you feel dirty?” Well, when he put it that way… I think we both confirmed it did. Then he turned to me and asked me this: “When you look at (I can’t recall the boy’s name, so I’ll call him Matt) Matt, what do you think of him?” I smiled and said, “I see a kid who does well in school, plays baseball and is really cool.” Then the counselor asked me, “Does what happened to Matt make you feel any different about him?” and I said, “No way.” Then he turned to the boy and asked him the same two questions about me, and he responded with something equally encouraging.​
What an amazing gift that counselor gave to me and that boy that day: for the boy, he gave him freedom from shame – spoken over him by a college guy (me) who had been through the same kind of thing when he was a boy. For me, he gave me the opportunity to help a kid - who could have been me. I am thankful for the opportunity to help a kid like that, and am proud of that kid and myself for having the courage to do that.​
 

Farm medic

Registrant
My CSA occurred at Boy Scout Summer Camp at the hands of the camp Medic. This was a guy who we all looked up to. He was a cool guy. He wanted everyone to hang out at the Medic Shack and we did. I suspect that I wasn't the only boy he abused. He was a medic. He was THE Medic. And he used his position to get access to boys.

I am proud of the FACT that I served as a Volunteer EMT/Fire Fighter. Full time EMT then Paramedic. and Part Time Paramedic Fire Fighter for 10 years, in spite of the horrific example I was given at 16 years old. By some stretch of my younger self's logic, I thought I could some how redeem that man by being better than he was. I don't know or care how his life has turned out. I am proud of the FACT that I did not become him. I look back on those 10 years of serving my community with the deepest gratitude. My community trusted me to help them at their darkest hour and I was up to the task. I never violated that trust. He did not break me.
 

KMCINVA

Greeter
Staff member
It is simple for me. I struggled for years and allowed others to spit on me, lock me in a room, etc as well as letting the memories of the abuse control my life. Somewhere along the way, despite many telling me, I needed to love myself to remove the guilt and shame that was not mine but belong to others I realized I could love myself. It took years and years and support from MS and loving people in my life and removing those that denied my abuse, (and one day I will share the spitting, greasing throwing and being locked in a room, etc with those who have believed the lies of these people. As they continue to lie and are hurting themselves, denial is destructive) that I was capable of loving myself. I am proud of finally facing the real truth and releasing the false truth of my abuse.
 
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In the moment? Every step as I take them seems monumental (hence all my posts, lol)

Looking back, I am proud of being public.
The first assault was public, my healing needs to be too.
 

MO-Survivor

Greeter
Staff member
In the moment? Every step as I take them seems monumental (hence all my posts, lol)

Looking back, I am proud of being public.
The first assault was public, my healing needs to be too.
Love this @BDD !
 

Wharf_Rat

Registrant
Writing out the story of my abuse and sharing it with others was a major step. Reading it out loud to a group of abuse survivors' advocates was a big deal, because it was both sharing my story and public speaking. There were only six people there (all women), but that was more than enough to make me nervous.
 
@JethroTull I hope one day you will be able to fully appreciate the good yo have done.

@Guss Way to go!

@Pollux That’s Huge!

@NotAshamed1962 You broke the cycle!

@newground I hope you too can take stock of what you have done.

@MO-Survivor The gift you gave “Matt” speaks so clearly of the good man we know here.

@Farm medic I have deep respect for your accomplishment. And appreciate your service. Thank you for being better.

@KMCINVA It’s no joke that embracing the truth will bring freedom. Congratulations.

@Wharf_Rat Never forget how huge this is and how brave you are.
 

savage_sid

Greeter
Staff member
For me, just admitting that it was abuse and starting out on the journey, 40 years after the abuse, was a huge step. I shudder to think where my life would be now if I hadn't taken that step, ostensibly to save my marriage, but I can see that while it didn't meet that goal, the impact of taking the journey will be a profoundly positive one.
 
Learning to forgive myself.
Learning to accept myself
Learning to love myself.
And therefore, learning to sit quietly with myself.

For me, these things are huge.
 
Learning to forgive myself.
Learning to accept myself
Learning to love myself.
And therefore, learning to sit quietly with myself.

For me, these things are huge.
They are huge for anyone!!
 
@JethroTull I hope one day you will be able to fully appreciate the good yo have done.

@Guss Way to go!

@Pollux That’s Huge!

@NotAshamed1962 You broke the cycle!

@newground I hope you too can take stock of what you have done.

@MO-Survivor The gift you gave “Matt” speaks so clearly of the good man we know here.

@Farm medic I have deep respect for your accomplishment. And appreciate your service. Thank you for being better.

@KMCINVA It’s no joke that embracing the truth will bring freedom. Congratulations.

@Wharf_Rat Never forget how huge this is and how brave you are.
@BDD Thank you.
 

Wharf_Rat

Registrant
@JethroTull I hope one day you will be able to fully appreciate the good yo have done.

@Guss Way to go!

@Pollux That’s Huge!

@NotAshamed1962 You broke the cycle!

@newground I hope you too can take stock of what you have done.

@MO-Survivor The gift you gave “Matt” speaks so clearly of the good man we know here.

@Farm medic I have deep respect for your accomplishment. And appreciate your service. Thank you for being better.

@KMCINVA It’s no joke that embracing the truth will bring freedom. Congratulations.

@Wharf_Rat Never forget how huge this is and how brave you are.
Thank You, BDD
 
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