What's it all about!

What's it all about!
G

garywm

New Registrant
Not too sure how to start as I'm in my 50's.
Ok here goes.
When I was 12 my mother seduced me, and I'm sure there are lots of guys out there who might think great I wish that had happened to me. but you have no idea how that can have an affect on your future relationships. I have been married twice and both times I might as well have been married to my mother. during lovemaking the only way i could become aroused was by imagining my wife was my mother. and as for climaxing it was my mother or nothing. i have had a few other relationships but no way can i can i relate to them as women without seeing the image of my mother it's a nightmare i want to wake up from and enjoy a normal relationship. i feel an emotional prisoner.
 
gary,
i want to let you know that you are not alone in this. i am just now going through some of the memories of maternal abuse and while i am not at a point where i can comfortably discuss it so openly i can assure that there are other survivors out there who have survived what we have gone through. my own started at three years of age and was made even worse by the ongoing sexual abuse by her husband when i was 4. her abuse of me continued directly till i was 12, then it was just the emotional incest. the memories of her husband are ones i have had since last year, though some worse memories surfaced two months ago. then about a couple of weeks ago i had the recall of specific events between her and i that i cannot discuss right now. the bottom line, my new friend, you are not alone now. pm me if i can help in any way. take care.
 
Gary
Hi there, and welcome to MS. None of us want to be here thats a fact, but the support and help we all get here is second to none.

It's never too late to start healing, I was 46 and married for 25 years before I even told my wife.
I'm 50 now and doing ok - compared to where I was.

Good therapy helped me so much, I still attend a group sesion weekly, but I do think it's important to find a service or an individual therapist that specializes ( or has good experience of ) survivors of sex abuse.
I live in Shropshire UK and work for a local charity that helps survivors, and I have some good contacts across the country if you're interested just ask and I'll send you a Private Message through this site.

I know there are guys here who have had similar experiences to yours, and I'm sure they'll be along shortly, so stick around. It's a good place to be.

If you need any help with the site, just ask.
Dave
 
Hello Gary,

Welcome to the board, keep coming and keep posting man. I have never once posted on here where I didn't get a response from someone who understood. Please use it man.

One thing I wanted to point out, in a positive way... is that you are wrong about this: "but you have no idea how that can have an affect on your future relationships"

I'm sure that so many people you have met would never be able to know the affects, but believe me when I say... that all of us here do. And when you start realizing the affects on you Gary, it's like a ray of light has just shone upon you... because no longer are you simply feeling horrible and guilty about what happened and what it's made you. You start to have understanding... and there is so much power in understanding Gary.

You've made a huge step by coming here. And I believe in all my heart that all of us that have gone through the abuse, are gifted people. Gifted with a strength that many people do not have... a strength where we forced ourselves to survive. Use that strength my friend, as you have proved simply by posting a message, that you have it.

If I could make a recommendation, please pick up this book -
Alone and Forgotten: The Sexually Abused Man by Rod Tobin

It's a very easy read, and it was the turning point for me. Gary... I understand man. I totally, 100% understand. I commend you for your courage, I commend you for who you are, and what you now seek.

Joe
 
Hi Gary,
Not sure what else I can add to what our brothers have already said. I wanted to welcome you and tell you Im very sorry you need us. But know this you have taken a very important step. Your not alone. ((((hugs))))
James
 
Gary,

Welcome. You are not alone. My mother started abusing me when I was about three, and she continued until I went to boarding school at thirteen.

I am 58 years old and just today my therapist and I discussed for the millionth time how I am looking for my mother in every aspect of my life, not just sexually.

You have come to a good place. Also, make sure that you have a good theraptist. You can't do it alone, but you can do it.

Harry
 
Some differences, but bottom line the same...I was abused by my mother, too. It is still hard to say, hard to deal with, and as I change therapists in January I'm really wondering where it's all going to go.
 
Gary I see that I am late in welcoming you here. I concur with what the others have said.

Gary I was 56 years old before I thought that my sa was a big deal and that it had affected my entire life. I did not tell my wife and daughter till I was 60. I was afraid they would leave. I am here and have come a really long way in 10 months.

So stick around, post, read and join with us.
 
Welcome Gary. There are several men here who have already mentioned that they were incested by their mother. There are more.

Many men, even those abused by men have a difficult time relating to their wives as a person who they love and are loved by. Many men report that when they make love they feel like they are raping the woman they very much do love.

You will get lots of understanding here. I suspect some take a longer time to feel good about themselves as a sexual being than do others.

Bob
 
welcome Gary, I was abused in a violent way and now I want (not want but somehow seek?) pain and subjugation with sex. Most (or at least many) of us here struggle with some sexual dysfunction or another. Keep safe.
 
Gary I doubt many men would have wanted their mother to hurt them. It is just as bad when it is not the mother. Glad you are talking.

Michael Joseph

Gotta go!! it is christmas eve.
 
No, you are not alone. My mother would touch me wrongly always, from when I was young child until I was 18 and away from home. She even would do some more then that, including being the first time I ever experienced, well, what can happen with that kind of touch. She would sometime make me sleep with her, and after my father left us, would tell me 'I do not need husband now, I have my big boy'. So yes, it is not unheard of that mothers do bad things, just as much as fathers. Sometime I think that, even though what she did to me did not cause the pain of the other abuses, what she did has caused me some more problems then the other, mentally. I can imagine how you would have trouble with it still. I am glad that you find us here, and I hope this is helpful to you. I wish you luck.

Leosha
 
Gary,
I'm having some of the same problems you have about having to thinkabout your mother that way. I'm sorry she did that stuff to you, it wasn't right. You were innocent, whethter you didn't want to be with her, or even if you were curious about what she was doing, you were innocent. This is a place where you can actually feel not alone, even if you feel like you are a freak. You can wake up from the nightmare, and you just took a big step.

Jim
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top