Whats going on with my brother

[onlyakid]

Well my father died over 3 years ago. My brother (who is my perp), who is the executor of the estate, has not finalized the estate and also has not arranged for a grave marker to be placed at the grave site. I've always had a question as to whether my brother (again also my perp) was abused himself, and thats why he abused me. I'm now wondering if he was abused by our father. He also never helped me while my father was sick for many years. I always thought it was because he was too busy and I'll grant you he is a busy man but I'm wondering if perhaps there isn't a bigger issue in play.

To my knowledge, I was not abused by my father, however my mother told me that he accused her of abusing the both of us and took us to see a therapist, I do remember him taking us to see a therapist.

Anyway, I've always wondered if this was the case and I don't expect you guys to have the answer. Opinions?

 

[RICK57]

JT - can you ask your brother? Is that where the answer lies? It looks pretty obvious when I read what you have written! Either your brother has a reason to disrespect your father, or he hasn't!?

Best wishes....Rik

 

[onlyakid]

I don't think I can ask him, because if he has a reason, there is a good chance it was because he abused him. If thats the case then he will know he abused me, and we'll probably start talking about it. It would kind of be like a confrentation, that I am not yet ready for.

 

[roadrunner]

Jason,

You have to do these things when you are ready, that's true. but I do think the key here is a frank discussion with your brother. That in turn would depend on how you feel about both yourself and him right now, what you want out of a relationship with him, and indeed, IF you want a relationship with him.

I don't recall the details of your abuse (have you told us here?), but it may be that your brother was turning to you with what was done to him. It happens, unfortunately, so many times, and in many cases the two brothers are both so devastated, each in his own way, that even later, in adulthood, it seems impossible to open a dialogue. But for healing to occur - and again, assuming that's what you want - someone has to take the first step.

Much love,
Larry