what would you say if you had the chance

what would you say if you had the chance
theo

theo

Registrant
************************
edited: people, nothing has been changed in this thread i have started, i just wanted to add that if there is dificulty in framing a response to this then i do not want you to put yourself at risk. this could be triggering for some of us here so proceed slowly and please do not contribute if it starts to trigger. you are worth more as an individual and as friends and i do not want anyone to suffer needless pain. i am sorry i did not post this warning sooner. take care. theo 2-25-04
************************

friends and family of malesurvivors,
i have been entrusted with a project to help msorg by writing a series of articles that will be sent out to various media outlets, but especially concentrating on the nation's university campuses. this particular project will consist of a comprehensive article that covers the experience of male survivors with the intent to bring home the devastation victimization causes not only as a victim but as a survivor as well. what i want to do is to write an article that helps the person not familiar with a survivor get inside the mind and heart of one. it is my hope and belief that with this article in the university newspapers, and the discussion it would cause, would do a lot of good for the readers and for the site. it will not only be understanding the daily struggles of survivors but also of the daily victories in recovery. i have a favor to ask though. if you all could read and answer the following question in your own words it would help a great deal. i see the direction this should go, but i need our words. if you do not feel comfortable responding here in the thread, or are unable to, then please pm me your response. this is an open mic question and anyone is free to respond. on to the question.

question:

if you had the chance to talk to someone in power, such as the president of the united states or state governor, and tell them of whatever you could say in order to help this person understand the life of a survivor/victim, what would you say?

clarification: this is not about passing laws, settling debts, etc. this is about trying to explain to someone who has no experience about being a victim/survivor about what it means to be one. it is about telling your story in a way that would reach into this person and open their eyes. it is about the chance to tell our story. if you could talk to the president, what would you say? no essay, no formality, no contest...just your words, your heart. this is what needs to be told. if i said too much or lost anyone please let me know. everyone here, take care of yourselves.
 
Theo,

Im glad my PM to you helped. This is an excellent opportunity for us to be heard and to show our support. If theres anything else I can do, let me know...

Tabor
 
thanks for the help, mike. you had no way of knowing this, mike, but i have been responding to each of the posts. i answered sar's question via pm. each post will be responded to, i promise. thanks again.
 
Theo,
Great question. I have babbled out 7 pages in response. I am going to work on editing it down to something that maybe makes some sort of sense. Guess I got off on a tangent?
Hope to post a completion in the next couple of days. Do you have an end date for this?
Hope I am not too late to help.
Peace, Sammy
 
sammy,
it is my hope to have this done within the next two weeks from now. by mid march i plan on having this wrapped up and ready to ship out. there is still time. by the way, thank you for kicking in and for piping up. it is always good to hear from you and am looking forward to seeing your contribution. take care, my friend.
 
(***may trigger***)


Person in Power,

If the victim really believed that you could get into his mind and head, he would stop being a victim, because victimization is about terrible, overwhelming isolation and solitude. To get the victim alone, to get the victim to believe that he IS alone, that no one is like him, no one will hear him, no one will believe him, no one wants to believe him, no one will care if they do believe him... and then to get the victim to live his life with this belief always in his mind somewhere, that is the aim of the perpetrator and the result of abuse.

Have you felt like this, ever, even for a minute? Can you imagine a life of it? A childhood of it? Can you imagine standing on the brink of a terrible decision, and then making that decision, because in your heart of hearts you do not believe that anyone cares what happens to you? Can you imagine feeling bad all the time, wanting to feel bad all the time, because you don't remember any other way to feel and you have been convinced that all the bad things to happen to you are your own fault, that you never did anything to deserve feeling good or worthy or loved?

The victim does not think you can imagine any of this. He doesn't think that you would want to even if you could. He is probably a man you know and maybe even a man you love and he will never tell you any of this unless you give him a chance to see that the world can be safe, loving, and just, and that he can be, that he IS, someone who deserves a place in that world.
 
sar,
bless you.
 
You know Theo, I hope you are taking care of yourself and personally paying attention to that trigger warning at the top of this thread. You're doing a good thing here, I hope you can see how much YOU are worth as an individual and a friend.

Thank You
SAR
 
The life of an abuse survivor seen through the eyes of a caring loved one.
Afraid... I am afraid to trust anyone. Will they hurt me if I trust them? Will they love me? Sometimes I am afraid to sleep. I am afraid of the nightmares.
Alone... I feel so alone. No one understands what I've been through. No one understands the shame, the guilt, the fears. I don't deserve to be loved. I don't deserve to be accepted. I don't want to get too close to anyone because then I've given them a chance to hurt me.
Anger... I am angry that someone I trusted abused me. I am angry that they took away control. I am angry they took away my security. Sometimes I am angry and I don't know why. I bottle up the anger and it eats away at me. The pressure becomes so great that it boils over and I can't keep it inside anymore. I say things that hurt. I lash out. I defend. How could they do this to me? Why did they hurt me? I trusted them. I loved them. They took advantage of me.
Confused... There are times I don't know who I am. I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to act. Why did this happen to me?
Guilt/Shame... I am disgusted by the things I did. I was robbed of innocence. I am ashamed of the things I was made to do. I feel guilty because sometimes it felt good. I feel guilty that I didn't try harder to stop it. I keep secrets and I have to lie because I don't want anyone to know what happened to me.
 
Theo, I want to add to what I've already wrote... so here it goes...

Through my eyes, I see a man that has trouble sleeping at night because he can't get the thoughts out of his head. Once he is able to fall sleep, it isn't soundly. I see a man that wants to be loved and accepted but doesn't feel he's worthy. I see an angry man that struggles to find a way to deal with control issues, guilt, shame, confusion, doubt. I see the inner child as well. I see the inner child that needs love and security. I see the inner child that is insecure and lonely. I see him acting out. Trying to get attention, trying to vent his anger. I see his compulsions. His tendancy to take things to the extreme. Somehow through all of this he manages to survive and cope and be a loving and caring man. He should never had to go through the abuse. He shouldn't have to struggle with this demon. No human being should.
 
sunshine,
thank you for your post, and your benediction. sometimes trying to see into the heart of another human being is so very painful, but when it happens, there is also a crossroads moment that changes two lives at the same time. your insight into the heart of a male survivor through your first post was straight up all the way, the second post with your personal perception of how the tragic legacy permeates more lives later on is powerful. this is the kind of message that needs to be conveyed to those who are not aware, but are nonetheless decent people. these are real men, living real lives with a tragedy that could have been prevented. csa is heinious and entangles so many lives with its secrecy and its evil...but there is also the moments such as what is seen on this forum every day when people who love a male survivor reach out and share with each other. knowing and feeling this is what engenders hope and keeps it alive. yes, the hell is real, but so is the love. take care, sunshine.
 
Sunshinebaby,

In your earlier post you wrote about anger. I wrote a poem about my anger and here goes.

Anger is the monster I didnt know I had inside of me.
The intensity of it seems insurrmountable
It surges...
I don't want to be angry,
I guess I have no choice..
The anger was forced there while I was unaware
of the damage done..
Now I must solve this puzzle so it is I who will claim victory,
and rid myself of your memory,reclaiming my destiny..
I will dig in the dirt and do the work and rid myself of anger that wasnt mine..
Because the love inside me has no room for the anger, my soul is kind..
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top