What would you ask a perpetrator (possible trigger)?

What would you ask a perpetrator (possible trigger)?
I don't know what I would ask. I think I could probably only want to cuss my perp. In a more generic sense the thought is a little hard, though not as bad.

I really would not want to talk to one. Not because it is too painful, but because I would be too angry at this time. Some stuff got dredged up tonight.

All I really want is to be healed from what she did. I want the sickness gone. I want to overcome the darkness. I want it gone from my life. This is the cry of my soul.
 
Why do (you) continue to (destroy) so many lives?
and further (increase) the shame that we carry with us, long after(you)have murdered our innocent souls...you sick bastard.
 
Do you feel strong that you can manipulate children who can't defend themselves?

Are you that Bad off?

Why do you feel the need to do this sick act ,and hurt (us)...don't give me this excuse "you couldn't help yourself"....thats a crock!!!...your pitiful being......your not even human.....
 
If I did not scream, when you told me not to or you would kill me! Just as that guy walked into those toilets, would you have carried out the threat if he had not intervened?

Did you really have a knife?

If the guy never came into the toilets, as the park was so empty, would you have killed us, to keep us silent?

Tell my father how you threatened to kill me if I told on you, to his face, tell him how you would hunt me down, because you knew where I lived.
Yes an 11yo believed all this shit.

Tell my father all the things you said word for word, to his face, just so he can understand how his little boy has changed so much.

I don't think he would ever have been able to answer any of the questions, but I am damn sure, he would never have done it again. Why?, because he wouldn't be around to do it!
 
why did you do that to me?

how come you never found me and apoligized for doing it to me?

how many others have you fuc%$d up?

don't you think that you owe me money for my medical costs associated with dealing with your shit?

why would someone like you do such a thing? to take advantage of your basketball player when you were supposed to be my trusted coach?

aren't you glad i did not tell my dad back then. he would have had your career and would have hurt you somehow.

don't you think you deserve to be castrated? also, letting everyone know on national news and in the newspaper the "why?".

do you think i am going to kick your ass or have someone else do it?

why were you such a sick f$#k? we're you raped or abused too when you were younger or are you just a sick bastard?

how long did it take you to "pick" me as one of your victims?

why me?

did you know you changed what person i would have been from your actions?

do you know, i will file a civil lawsuit against you now that i have found you? I make so much more than you already, it's not for the money, it's to make you broke, you sick fuc$#r. you deserve to suffer too.

that would be about all i can think of now. good question and responses from all.

guy
 
Ken - sorry if my reply is not relevant...I have not read the posts after yours.

I have recently been back to the sites where I was abused (time of year, time of day & 35 years on.... I was looking for something & I don't quite know what). I was looking to see if he was still there...if some other kid was being used............

What would I ask...that's what I want to do...it's a long journey. I know he goes to a local betting shop & that I think is my next step!!! I need to confront him in an adult manner and take it from there....I have a million questions in my head & he is going to answer them!!!!
 
I want to think about my answer more, but in the meantime, something did come to mind......

"Here, would you mind holding this thing while I pull the pin and run like hell?"

~Yves
 
I wish I really knew who he was but all I can think of asking him and all those who helped him do it...

was I really the weakest and thats why you picked me?

if I had tried to stop you would you have stopped?

because I never told, did you hurt others?

because I let you, did you think others would to?

did you think that because you said it was god's doing that I would never blame either of us?


CC
lost and refussing to be weak again
 
Was my life worth the sixpence you forced into my hand, about 5 cents US, it is still at the bottom of the canal where I threw it in, a place where nobody will ever find it.

It was dirty money but I carried it for two miles just to find a fitting resting place for it.
 
Did it take you fifteen or twenty years to put the correct name (abuse) to what you did to me? Indeed, do you see it as such yet?

Did my curiosity, the first time you abused me, help give yourself permission to exploit me guilt-free?

Did your life change, from that first day with me, and lead YOU to drink, careless sex, and AIDS? Or was I the only one not to handle it right?

How do you suppose you could make this up to me?

Kenn
 
I would ask, "Any last words?"
 
Is this fire hot enough for you?
 
Thank goodness for you that your heart stopped beating on this earth before I had the courage to deal with what you did to me.

Your death would have been far more painful and prolonged.

I would have given up everything in life I worked so hard for just to inflict pain on you and watch you take your last breath.

I would gladly take a life sentence in the worst prison on earth to have taken your life from you.

I know the countless others you so wrongly took advantage of would have supported my actions against you.

May you never rest in peace.
 
Why?
 
Why?
 
It is difficult to not just vent, though it feels realy good to do so. I tried to focus on questions that took back the power in my life.

How is it that you learned to give up your integrity, your dignity, your humanity so readily?

Mum, didnt you know I wasnt the father who abandoned you when you were a little girl or the old man, twice your age, you married that left you too, by dying of old age?

Would you have liked to kill me too, you certainly scripted me to be suicidal and my brother to try to kill me?

That way you could have another man in your life abandon you, right?

How about the life and death rivalry you pitted your sons to to win your favor?

Does my hatred of you feel gratifying to your sense of self?

Is my love for you to forever be pitifully inadequate in your eyes?

Does my knowing and understanding the secret in the power of your talons as Oedipal Sphinx, put you in touch with the absolute terror of the little girl inside you? Do you dare say you dont know what Im talking about? If you dare say that, youve made my point.

At what point in your life did you discover the power in darkness and its illusions? Did you know you made that choice?

Does feeling transparent terrify you that someone knows all your secrets and how unloveable you really know yourself to be?

Has sex as weapon, as taught you by your grandfather, served you to get the unconditional love you ache for?

I do see your adult soul , and you have much to atone for. I do see the soul of the wounded child inside you, and that wasnt your fault.

Our roles as parent and child have been reversed since before I was born. Are you ready to look at the damage youve caused?

A lie I learned to tell myself was, I must be an ungrateful son to accuse my mother (after all, a MOTHER) of such behavior. She was only showing me love and my mind was turning it into something terrible, something sick....Aha,I must be one of the depraved gender.... It was hard to see MY mother as a perpetrator. After all a woman in her right mind is not capable of such behavior....so they say, and so she lies to herself. The question to her, that evolves for me is, what about the young Bobbys needs for respect, love and boundaries? Why do I have to be the man when Im only the boy I was born to be? Why do I have to feel like an impotent disgraced lover when I didnt take the opportunity to score? When did I get a chance to mourn the loss of my mother in the catch of a breath when I became her lover? Who decided I should no longer have a mother, someone made the choice for me? Why did I have to take on the cloak of male rogue in the world, It wasnt my fault? Why did I have to take on your hatred of all men?
 
The abuse I experienced began when I was very young, the first incident when I was an infant.

At first, there was nothing to tell. A baby doesn't tell.

But, then, as I got older (6 to 10 years of age) I feared dying. I didn't understand what 'dying' is but I did understand that it was a very bad thing.

Perps didn't threaten to kill me. Rather, they said that I would die if I said anything. And, I understood "dying" then not as an end to my life so much as a vast void wherein I would be utterly lost.

I find these words now but did not have them then. Even if I had been programmed to talk about what was happening, felt safe with anyone, I wouldn't have had these words.

Since secrets and secret keeping were already the MO for my family, both immediate and extended, it was natural to bury this also within me.

I had already developed a "rich interior mind," as one therapist called it. Disassocation was how I coped with being beaten, called names, screamed at, belittled, and threatened at home.

I don't have words to describe how detailed, elaborate and effective my mirror world was. I acheived emotional invisibility.

So, why didn't I say anything, why didn't I tell? Because, to me, it was just another part of the whole.

It is only in the last several years that I have begun to become acquainted with the Brett who knows that he is not innately, completely worthless.

The bad things that happened to me were just part of who I was. It was a horrible, tormented existence but it was all I knew.

I cry for that little boy often and believe I will for the rest of my life.
 
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