What to do

What to do
Hauser

Hauser

Registrant
About 10 years ago, when I was 26, my Uncle Dave tried to help me with my disfunctional life.

He offered to pay for an evaluation of learning abilities/attributes etc. I agreed to do it because it seemed reasonable. When he told me who to call and who to ask for I did some looking into the facility and found out it was a psychological office that dealt with all the problems I was trying to forget about. I said "Thanks, but no thanks".

He was dissapointed in my refusal. But he tried.

Anyway, I'm considering telling him that he was right, and that this is probably the only way I'll better myself. I'm thinking that maybe this will make it easier to tell my parents too.

Let me back up just a little bit. My father is paying for the same things that my Uncle offered to do 10 yrs ago. I acquiesced to the exams because I felt honor-bound to do so because they helped me financially when I was injured and couldn't work.

My Uncle is one of the few people in this universe that genuinely cares for me and that I will find disclosure to my parents easier after I tell him.

When the test results come back, I already know what they're going say and recommend. It will be my decision as to whether or not I want to share the findings.

My Mom asked be if she could be there. She wants to know what they have to say about me. She's not going to like what they say because they're going to recommend that I see someone who specializes in sexual abuse.

I'm not dealing with this very well.

Why can't I just love myself and move on? Why am I so disfunctional in everything? What can talking about do?

My whole life has been nothing but bad choices, now I'm supposed to believe that this will be a good one. I'm not so sure............
 
Oh another thing....

Thank you everyone for your input and advice, you're the only ones I'm getting it from.
 
I all I have to say is when I told my wife of everything that happened to me. Its was a 23 year old weight on my shoulders. Now going back, I was in the same mind set as you were. But now I have almost reborn, I feel so much better with myself and I feel I can accomplish anything.
You know Failure in life is natural, and it happens all the time, Never stop trying. Stop trying will lead to ultimate failure in life. If what you try does fail try a diffrent approach to it. Be honest with your family, they will be there for you. You do not need to harbor the pain and the weight cause it only gets worse!
Good Luck, it will be OK
Andrew
 
Andrew is right in saying that it only gets worse. I kept delaying facing the issue till I was nearly pushed over the edge into complete emtional and mental collapse. I found I could not and would not be able to deal with it alone and without professional help. Many, if not all of us here, have tried that approach and run into exactly the same walls.

I would talk to the folk who are administering the tests and tell them of your issues with mother being there etc. They are professionals and are capable of diffusing the situation for you once they have an understanding of how you feel. Talk to your Uncle if need be about all this. You seem to have a great deal of admiration and respect for him. Enlist his help if need be.

Just know that it won't go away simply because you want it to. It may ease for a while and then come rushing back with more vengence than before.

Also know that all of us here are pulling for you in this situation. We do care. The big reason we care is that we're there ourselves or have been there and started working our way through these problems in the very recent past.

You can lean on us to help if need be.

I wish you courage, strength, and love.

John
 
Hauser,

You raise so many valuable and important questions in your post. You ask why your life is so dysfunctional. Well, that's what the assessments are meant to help establish. They will reveal at least the kinds of areas you need to work on, so you get the right kind of help.

Professional help means talking about what happened and how you feel about that. Talking helps you to regain control and reject responsibility and blame for what was done to you. It also helps the therapist to see how best to guide you to recovery with the least possible pain and confusion.

I agree with John on the idea of considering bringing your uncle in on this. You seem to trust him, and you really will benefit from having safe people on your side. Your uncle would also be a good ally in dealing with your parents. Do bear in mind that it is up to YOU to decide who knows and when they are told. If you are already fearful about what your mother will know maybe it would be better to include her at a later point.

Much love,
Larry
 
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