What the F is going on here????

What the F is going on here????
L

LupinIII

Registrant
Okay today I started a new job and even though the pay is tight:

A) I have less stress and a really short commute now.

B) I will get my 75% of my degree paid for.

C) There are some incredible career opportunities with this company.

You would think I would be happier than George W. at the Enron Xmas party....but I'm not.

I feel numb.

F-ing numb.

Hell I have noticed in the last month, since my memories came back don't ya know, I have trouble getting happy or excited. It really takes a lot of effort. I just can't seem to connect with these feelings.

Hell, I almost felt downright depressed this evening after my first day.

Numb.

WTF is going on here????
 
Take it easy. Things will get better. Your SA didn't happen overnight nor will it go away overnight.

Take time to get use to the new job, take time for yourself and your family. It will all work out.
Gus
 
Lupin,

Hang in there. It is common to second guess your decisions. It will soon be paying great dividents though the less stress and the other good attributes.

Take care,
Bill
 
Lupin,

I fully undestand what you're talking about. I ride that train every day.

And the mood swings every other day.

It's gotten to the point where I don't exactly know how many people I am.

But give yourself time, brother. It will even out, particularly since you got up the courage to make the switch. I am so proud of you for that.

Lupin, I'm here if you need me. Please know that sthis crap passes and it will get easier, and you'll be able to feel fully again soon.

Peace and love, my brother,

Scot
 
Lupin,

You said,
You would think I would be happier than George W. at the Enron Xmas party....but I'm not.

I feel numb.

F-ing numb.

Hell I have noticed in the last month, since my memories came back don't ya know, I have trouble getting happy or excited. It really takes a lot of effort. I just can't seem to connect with these feelings.

Hell, I almost felt downright depressed this evening after my first day.

Numb.

WTF is going on here????
Click to expand...
Nice touch, that, about the Xmas party :D . Anyway, I'm going to relate what worked for me. You see, after my memories first started coming back a year ago, I had that same numbness and depression. I was really scared and talked to my therapist about what was going on inside me. She pointed out something I really hadn't considered. Recovery is very much a grieving process. The first stage is denial moving to the second stage which is depression. She went to tell me I shouldn't be worried and that she would have been worried if I hadn't felt the numbness and depression. At least I was starting the process and not stagnating.

At any rate, use what sounds good and dump the rest. Hang in there and don't let the perps derail you.

Tom
 
Lupin,

As you can already tell from the other responses, you are not unique in feeling numb. For me, it was like recovery memories caused me to lose myself. I had no basis from which to feel.

I am just moving forward day by day and it does get better. Still not great but better. Moods swing and tend to hang out more at depressed and piss off than happy, but those times come as well.

The most laughter I have found since recovering my SA memories has been with other survivors. There can be a lot of humor in life still when youare in the company of those for whom your new "un conventional" humor can be expressed. I hope you can find a place to do that.

Ken
 
Lupin,

I seldom do 'numb'. If I were you, I would be doubting my worth and deserving of these better things. However, a friend of me, he was numb for years, the entire time of his abuse, and until just the last two months or such I think. (Now he gets overloaded with feelings he doesn't even understand or know how to define).

Maybe there is something in you, the fear of something being 'too good'? Like, if it is too good to be believed, it shouldn't be? I wonder that also, sometime, if something can really be as good as it seems, and look for the dark side of things (and of people). So maybe the numbing, it is to protect you from being let down with things, if they do not prove to be so good?

Just my thinking on it, I am often wrong with things! Good luck to you.

Leosha
 
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