What the child molesters think

Dan99

Registrant
So, I've been hanging out in some nasty places lately.

I always wondered how could someone rape a little boy. (I was raped from 6 to 13, FWIW.) One thing I never understood was how anyone could do that to a child. So, I went looking for answers. I found chatrooms where pedophiles hang out. Once I figured out their code, I thought it would be easy enough engage a few and figure it out.

If any of you are curious, "open minded" is the key phrase to spot. If someone puts in a sex ad or asks in chat if you're open minded, that means they like sex with children and want to know it you do, too.

I thought it would be simple to engage a few of these guys in roleplaying. I got stories that should really get them hot and bothered.

I was shocked. None of them wanted to hear the real stories.

The first few times I thought it was just a mistake. But time and again they stopped me from telling a real story. Instead they wanted a romantic story about a child who's flattered and attracted by an old man's desire for them.

I can't say I understand them. Probably good that I don't. But I do think I've learned something. The message these people need to hear is just no. No young person wants an old man fucking them. Hard to believe that message needs repeating, but I think it does.

There's a whole population of people who don't understand that. Scary.
 

mac80

Registrant
Thanks for the insight and Dan99. That's pretty scary. That was a brave thing for you to do.
 

KMCINVA

Registrant
So, I've been hanging out in some nasty places lately.

I always wondered how could someone rape a little boy. (I was raped from 6 to 13, FWIW.) One thing I never understood was how anyone could do that to a child. So, I went looking for answers. I found chatrooms where pedophiles hang out. Once I figured out their code, I thought it would be easy enough engage a few and figure it out.

If any of you are curious, "open minded" is the key phrase to spot. If someone puts in a sex ad or asks in chat if you're open minded, that means they like sex with children and want to know it you do, too.

I thought it would be simple to engage a few of these guys in roleplaying. I got stories that should really get them hot and bothered.

I was shocked. None of them wanted to hear the real stories.

The first few times I thought it was just a mistake. But time and again they stopped me from telling a real story. Instead they wanted a romantic story about a child who's flattered and attracted by an old man's desire for them.

I can't say I understand them. Probably good that I don't. But I do think I've learned something. The message these people need to hear is just no. No young person wants an old man fucking them. Hard to believe that message needs repeating, but I think it does.

There's a whole population of people who don't understand that. Scary.
Dan99

I know abusers come in all sizes, shape, socio-economic background, religion, race, color, age, profession and so on. Some are more overt with how they live their lives--child porn, trafficking children and so on. I believe no one wanted to role play because child sexual abuse is such an horrific topic topic that many cannot face as being truth and reality.

I will never understand why a person would sexually abuse a child or adult. There is something in their psyche I will never understand. I also believe they can continue because society protects the abuser through denial of the survivors story or life. Many now are coming forward to support the survivor, decades ago it was not addressed. Sadly, there still are many of all ages who carry this mentality.

I stopped wonder why the abuser did it to me, I cannot change it, I can only live in the present and accept the abuse is part of me.

Thank you for sharing and hopefully sharing your emotions will help you to heal.

Kevin
 
The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA) is a pedophilia and pederasty advocacy organization in the United States. It works to abolish age-of-consent laws criminalizing adult sexual involvement with minors[2][3] and campaigns for the release of men who have been jailed for sexual contacts with minors that did not involve what it considers coercion...
This quote from Wikipedia. They have a website and talk openly about their "love" of boys... you and me when we were young. And then there were the people who argued it was all false-memories, that what men and women talked about was fantasy... nothing bad ever happened. It is all crazy-making. Living with the residue of trauma is crazy-making itself with all the questions we ask ourselves as we attempt to work through our confusion and shame.

I participated in a group of survivors offered through an organization that concurrently, in the same building, was running a group of perpetrators... with the intention of eventually bringing the two groups together. I left before that happened and honestly don't know if it did. I wonder what it would have been like. All I know as I've unpacked my memories was that its was an ingrained part of family life for my neighbors... three generations of pedophiles. It was at the edge of the city and the grandfather built three homes for his three sons directly behind his home. It was as though they shared one large back yard with no fences between the properties and a couple of outbuildings that could be used for playing. The brother in the middle house defaulted on his loan and my parents bought the house before I was born. I've thought recently that this brother may very well have defaulted just to get free of his father... but that is a fantasy. And I was ensnared by that world when I was three years old.

The fellows at NAMBLA came away from their early experiences thinking it is a great thing they want to perpetuate. They have no interest in our experience. They'd likely say we experienced the aberration of what man/boy love can be. It seems the Greeks thought it was fine as well. Reading the horror stories on this website tells me they live in illusion/denial. But they will likely tell stories like the men you encountered Dan. They want love stories, not the raw pain sexual trauma creates for us.
 
This quote from Wikipedia. They have a website and talk openly about their "love" of boys... you and me when we were young. And then there were the people who argued it was all false-memories, that what men and women talked about was fantasy... nothing bad ever happened. It is all crazy-making. Living with the residue of trauma is crazy-making itself with all the questions we ask ourselves as we attempt to work through our confusion and shame.

I participated in a group of survivors offered through an organization that concurrently, in the same building, was running a group of perpetrators... with the intention of eventually bringing the two groups together. I left before that happened and honestly don't know if it did. I wonder what it would have been like. All I know as I've unpacked my memories was that its was an ingrained part of family life for my neighbors... three generations of pedophiles. It was at the edge of the city and the grandfather built three homes for his three sons directly behind his home. It was as though they shared one large back yard with no fences between the properties and a couple of outbuildings that could be used for playing. The brother in the middle house defaulted on his loan and my parents bought the house before I was born. I've thought recently that this brother may very well have defaulted just to get free of his father... but that is a fantasy. And I was ensnared by that world when I was three years old.

The fellows at NAMBLA came away from their early experiences thinking it is a great thing they want to perpetuate. They have no interest in our experience. They'd likely say we experienced the aberration of what man/boy love can be. It seems the Greeks thought it was fine as well. Reading the horror stories on this website tells me they live in illusion/denial. But they will likely tell stories like the men you encountered Dan. They want love stories, not the raw pain sexual trauma creates for us.
WTF - "NAMBLA"!
How is that allowed and not taken down by the FBI?

Added: Did a Google search, looks like the FBI has investigated but they seem to fail time and again! Nevermind we can catch other criminal organizations, gangs, drug dealers, but somehow this organization is still standing? I can't even go any further on this, so f'd up.
 
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The message these people need to hear is just no. No young person wants an old man fucking them. Hard to believe that message needs repeating, but I think it does.
The people who raped me could not care less what the little 5 year old boy wanted. Saying NO to them would have been of no consequence. Certainly trying to fight them off and crying the whole time means NO. So maybe you are correct that saying No to a child molester may stop some... but I do not believe most children have the capacity to say NO being as they do not even know what is being done to them or that saying NO is even an option, or if they are capable of saying NO especially if the rapist is a parent or authority figure. And regardless of all that, the men who raped me could care less what I said or did and I know I am not alone... I was powerless.
 
There are probably various lines of reasons why specifically child molesters act. Emotion as to the what/why is too great and honestly triggers such anger (for me anyway). The question I have is what can be done to make these perpetrators comfortable enough to get help?

The one priest that was abusing me, his hands were shaking while he undressed. His voice was also calm and shaky. I can hear it now still, but he proceeded anyway. I didn't say anything because I was frozen solid and further thought this was happening because I was in trouble. Could saying "No" have helped me - I'll never know. My T suggests that his addiction was getting the best of him, the rectory was a risky situation, and to put himself at risk like that says he had no control over himself.

Monsignor was not that way - He was straight-up aggressive and scary. I saw an opportunity and took it using threats to keep me locked in his control. By then though he had already abused before coming to Alaska, and it continued here with many others - so he had got away with it enough to be an effective hunter.

If I had the sex education and awareness that my kids have had access to today, would I have come forward? Hard to say! I feel like I would because things are more transparent and supportive now. That's a tough question.

What I'm getting at here, we'd gladly throw any of these sick bastards under a bus or off a cliff, but are they encouraged to get help? There is a lot of public advocacy (at least here in Alaska) for victims of abuse to come forward (albeit targeted to women only). What about campaigns for sexual addiction, violence, etc.? There's nothing. So aren't these sick people driven underground?

I'm just thinking out loud here.
 

Alex T

Registrant
What I'm getting at here, we'd gladly throw any of these sick bastards under a bus or off a cliff, but are they encouraged to get help? There is a lot of public advocacy (at least here in Alaska) for victims of abuse to come forward (albeit targeted to women only). What about campaigns for sexual addiction, violence, etc.? There's nothing. So aren't these sick people driven underground?
I so agree with this. I could have easily enough become one of these "sick bastards". But I was lucky and had resources to help me go a better direction.

By expecting the sick people driven underground to just heal themselves, is like making time bombs. Sooner or later one's gonna go off. It would be so much more effective to give people full access to healing support.

Added: and encouragement and recognition too
 
"By expecting the sick people driven underground to just heal themselves, " If they seek therapy they put themselves in danger of being reported to the police. So not sure how easy it would be to get help with that threat hanging over their heads.
 

Alex T

Registrant
I was thinking more of the ones who have the potential to offend. With help from the community, they can learn to manage that so they never do offend. Every potential predator who gets turned/helped is a win.

I agree that those who have offended would most likely stay underground.
 

Thrive Deib

Registrant
I was thinking more of the ones who have the potential to offend. With help from the community, they can learn to manage that so they never do offend. Every potential predator who gets turned/helped is a win.

I agree that those who have offended would most likely stay underground.
I was raised in a pedosexual family that is involved in the CP business. I was even a CP model myself and I was pimped by my own mother. I can also tell you that there are some pedophiles who can even be considered "good people" but they're trapped inside a very complex network that even exploits them using blackmail and intimidation. It's similar to drug addiction, but with the big difference that their recovery (in case they want it) comes with huge legal and social stigmatization. They prefer not to think or read about abuse stories the same way I wouldn't want to hear how cows are slayed when I'm eating meat. I just want to eat the steak. Now imagine there's a guy pointing a gun at you forcing you to eat the steak or else you'll be thrown in the middle of a convention of radical vegans with the evidence that you are a pathological meat lover... That's more or less how the CP business works, but you also have to bring new cattle every now and then to avoid consequences. People who really enjoy pedophilia are masters of denial. For them it's like unboxing a new iPhone or whatever you they didn't get in their childhood. They dissociate from the damage they cause to children by building a persona who takes the blame but they also have the power and resources to keep their mask on and go out in public as contributors to society.
In my previous post I wrote more about the business
 
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mac80

Registrant
I so agree with this. I could have easily enough become one of these "sick bastards". But I was lucky and had resources to help me go a better direction.

By expecting the sick people driven underground to just heal themselves, is like making time bombs. Sooner or later one's gonna go off. It would be so much more effective to give people full access to healing support.

Added: and encouragement and recognition too
Courts sentence many of these people to treatment. I know someone who gets paid by the state to pretend he's treating these people, he says it's usually a waste of time, except in the cases where the abuser is quite young and the abuse resulted from ignorance, trauma, confusion etc. He says the treatable cases are a very small fraction. I totally agree with you guys in theory, but in practice, people who are an ongoing danger to children should be in jail. In jail they should be offered treatment, so that the small percentage that would benefit from it gets it. But the pervasive idea in our society that everyone is redeemable is not true, and lets a lot of abusers keep abusing.
 

mac80

Registrant
I was raised in a pedosexual family that is involved in the CP business. I was even a CP model myself and I was pimped by my own mother. I can also tell you that there are some pedophiles who can even be considered "good people" but they're trapped inside a very complex network that even exploits them using blackmail and intimidation. It's similar to drug addiction, but with the big difference that their recovery (in case they want it) comes with huge legal and social stigmatization. They prefer not to think or read about abuse stories the same way I wouldn't want to hear how cows are slayed when I'm eating meat. I just want to eat the steak. Now imagine there's a guy pointing a gun at you forcing you to eat the steak or else you'll be thrown in the middle of a convention of radical vegans with the evidence that you are a pathological meat lover... That's more or less how the CP business works, but you also have to bring new cattle every now and then to avoid consequences. People who really enjoy pedophilia are masters of denial. For them it's like unboxing a new iPhone or whatever you they didn't get in their childhood. They dissociate from the damage they cause to children by building a persona who takes the blame but they also have the power and resources to keep their mask on and go out in public as contributors to society.
In my previous post I wrote more about the business
After I wrote what I just wrote down there, I read what you wrote and I was like whoa That's a whole different perspective. Thank you.
 
Yeah, I have a similar but still different background. With abusers operating within a larger network.
And the next remark may be *** triggering ***

the children who are abused (me and others) are seen as ware, commodities. Not as people, a sort of depersonalization.
 

RobbieJoe

Registrant
So, I've been hanging out in some nasty places lately.

I always wondered how could someone rape a little boy. (I was raped from 6 to 13, FWIW.) One thing I never understood was how anyone could do that to a child. So, I went looking for answers. I found chatrooms where pedophiles hang out. Once I figured out their code, I thought it would be easy enough engage a few and figure it out.

If any of you are curious, "open minded" is the key phrase to spot. If someone puts in a sex ad or asks in chat if you're open minded, that means they like sex with children and want to know it you do, too.

I thought it would be simple to engage a few of these guys in roleplaying. I got stories that should really get them hot and bothered.

I was shocked. None of them wanted to hear the real stories.

The first few times I thought it was just a mistake. But time and again they stopped me from telling a real story. Instead they wanted a romantic story about a child who's flattered and attracted by an old man's desire for them.

I can't say I understand them. Probably good that I don't. But I do think I've learned something. The message these people need to hear is just no. No young person wants an old man fucking them. Hard to believe that message needs repeating, but I think it does.

There's a whole population of people who don't understand that. Scary.
My father once told me, "I do this because I love you."

That, fucked up my head forever.
 

brother2none

Staff member
The word that needs to be introduced and repeated in this thread is EMPATHY and the lack or absence of empathy pedophiles have for their victims, maybe that is self-evident to many. One of the unique aspects of my healing journey included an excellent stretch of therapy where my therapist arranged for myself and a convicted pedophile (now seeking treatment) to communicate directly with one another via email. The goal was each of us can work on aspects of our own healing through communicating with one another. One of the goals for the pedophile was to develop empathy for his victims, through his email interaction with me. One of my goals was to have a pedophile apologize for what "he" did to "me". It was role playing, it was effective. The life lesson for me was the development of empathy for the victim enabled him to comprehend how his abusive actions affected and hurt the victim. I am not in any way condoning his behavior or giving reasons for why it was ok, it wasn't. But I hear people here struggling with how can pedophiles do what they do.
 

AlexBoyd

Registrant
My father once told me, "I do this because I love you."

That, fucked up my head forever.
Yes indeed. Statements like that rape the mind and spirit.
 

Harry

Registrant
We humans are sick - we always have been. But we've always been good and strong too.
There are sick parts of humanity that cling to depravity that the good and strong parts inherently ought to heal.
 

EQCR

Registrant
Imagine a world where you were the abuser... What would have to have changed in your life for you to want to do what was done to us? We are all human, we are all capable of every act any human has ever done to another. In my life, when I judge somebody unworthy of love and support I imagine somebody doing it to me. Imagine how that feels. Imaging how destructive this world would be if we all spent time telling each other how unloved and unloveable we all are because we have dark thoughts. We all do. Some of us have the tools to make different choices. Some of us choose to share those tools in hope that others can use them as well. I choose unconditional love.

It does not matter what has been done to you or what you have done to others, you are worthy of love and respect.

I offer love and respect to anybody who wants love and respect because that is the way it works. Give away what you need most and when the world catches up to you we will all have an abundance of what we need.

Imagine a world where your love stopped all abuse... What would have to change for you to want to love everyone?
 

Harry

Registrant
I love imagining a world in which there is so much love, abuse isn't even a concept, because altruism and empathy have evolved to such high levels.
It sounds like science fiction, but science fiction is can be predictive, right?

One time I took a Deviant Psychology course in college. The professor (a doctor) explained that he had helped the FBI catch serial killers and sexual predators. He still occasionally consulted with the FBI, and he stayed on good terms with more than one of the guys he helped catch, although most of them are in prison. One time he brought into class a registered sex offender (who was a patient of his) for the class to ask questions to, if we had any. (Yeah it was a weird class) I asked the guy what precipitated the first time he sexually offended a girl. I wanted to know if there was a particular straw the broke the camel's back (the camel being his ability to control himself). He said he couldn't think of anything specifically. I wasn't too surprised. It seem to me that a healthy person would have to spend a long time jumping through many of hoops of irrationality to arrive at the conclusion that he or she should abuse a kid.
 
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