What Possible Reason
Ken,
Regarding the link to the results of that new research.
I've read about this in several places before this and even this article presents the same idea that makes me think of this as highly theoretical, or as a good beginning but very incomplete.
The reports all state
If that is so, then how can such a memory be recovered at all, whether wanted or unbidden?
Or is this simply the next question? "What is the mechanism by which a memory that can no longer be retrieved, is retrieved?"
Either the wording is all wrong or the idea of the mechanism is partial.
I am more inclined to think that a traumatic memory is transformed somehow. In computer terms, it is zipped (compressed) into another format. It is still there, intact, possibly even interacting with other thoughts and mental processes or constructs, but it is unrecognizable, un-readable, if you will, in this format.
Until such time as it gets "unzipped", and makes itself known.
Now what unzips this file, this memory? I suspect there are primitive, limbic system connections into this memory.
Heart racing, increased sweat production, anxiety, danger, at the touch of another's hand?
Where does that come from if a memory can't be retrieved, if it isn't still there?
And if we're talking about sexual assault or abuse, then sure as hell we have the full participation of the limbic system in this memory.
Lloydy asked some months ago, why it is that we find it so hard to sever the connections between the abuse and sexuality, even when we know all the answers and reasons and whatfors.
What are the basic drives of any organism? Glad you asked; Survive and Reproduce.
You can ascribe all sorts of actions and behaviors to "Survive", but for humans, I can think of only one for "Reproduce".
How much more basic can you get?
And this process, this natural, normal, inherent process is diverted, corrupted, damaged and stained beyond belief by abuse and assault.
Can we cope? Well yes, but the cost is high. Can we forget? That's debateable, but we do our damndest.
Can we avoid? Fuck NO. How many times an hour does the average man think of sex? Something like 15 or 20 isn't it?
Every erection, every act of urination, every instance of being naked can be a reminder of some horrible act committed against us.
So what do we do? What do we think? We think, "It never happened." We think that over and over, until it seems true.
And if someone asks, we have no idea what they're talking about. We have no clue that that thing we don't think about is related; is what they're asking about.
It never happened.
I spent 5 or 6 six hours staring at Christopher sleep after he raped me. Crouched by the window, waiting for the sun to rise so I could escape, staring at Christopher sleep.
And when the sun came up, and I got out of there and tried to get home, and my sister wanted to know "Why? What happened?", all I could say was "Nothing."
And at that moment, and for many years after, that was true. It was true because it had to be true. It was true because I had no words for what happened. No words, no thoughts, no voice.
But I knew there was something. I always knew there was something, but there were just no words.
For me, it came back during an EMDR session. I was being touched, tapping being my preferred method of input, because I needed to have my eyes closed.
And these words came out of me, "sex at my grandfather's house - Christopher. He...".
Touch, sight, smell, erection, what is the key that unlocks? It's all of these, and others. The really tough part is that some of these keys can be the same damn things we used as reasons to block the memory in the first place. I guess this is what Joseph Campbell meant when he said,
Maybe. But it would be nice to have an MRI of a brain in the process of remembering or perhaps re-acting to a trigger?
Sorry if I've hijacked this post a bit Muldoon. But I think my ramblings do explain why my memories were unavailable way past the age of 25, and I hope they help.
Regarding the link to the results of that new research.
I've read about this in several places before this and even this article presents the same idea that makes me think of this as highly theoretical, or as a good beginning but very incomplete.
The reports all state
Maybe this is just being described too absolutely: "can no longer retrieve the memory, even if they want to"
If that is so, then how can such a memory be recovered at all, whether wanted or unbidden?
Or is this simply the next question? "What is the mechanism by which a memory that can no longer be retrieved, is retrieved?"
Either the wording is all wrong or the idea of the mechanism is partial.
I am more inclined to think that a traumatic memory is transformed somehow. In computer terms, it is zipped (compressed) into another format. It is still there, intact, possibly even interacting with other thoughts and mental processes or constructs, but it is unrecognizable, un-readable, if you will, in this format.
Until such time as it gets "unzipped", and makes itself known.
Now what unzips this file, this memory? I suspect there are primitive, limbic system connections into this memory.
Heart racing, increased sweat production, anxiety, danger, at the touch of another's hand?
Where does that come from if a memory can't be retrieved, if it isn't still there?
And if we're talking about sexual assault or abuse, then sure as hell we have the full participation of the limbic system in this memory.
Lloydy asked some months ago, why it is that we find it so hard to sever the connections between the abuse and sexuality, even when we know all the answers and reasons and whatfors.
What are the basic drives of any organism? Glad you asked; Survive and Reproduce.
You can ascribe all sorts of actions and behaviors to "Survive", but for humans, I can think of only one for "Reproduce".
How much more basic can you get?
And this process, this natural, normal, inherent process is diverted, corrupted, damaged and stained beyond belief by abuse and assault.
Can we cope? Well yes, but the cost is high. Can we forget? That's debateable, but we do our damndest.
Can we avoid? Fuck NO. How many times an hour does the average man think of sex? Something like 15 or 20 isn't it?
Every erection, every act of urination, every instance of being naked can be a reminder of some horrible act committed against us.
So what do we do? What do we think? We think, "It never happened." We think that over and over, until it seems true.
And if someone asks, we have no idea what they're talking about. We have no clue that that thing we don't think about is related; is what they're asking about.
It never happened.
I spent 5 or 6 six hours staring at Christopher sleep after he raped me. Crouched by the window, waiting for the sun to rise so I could escape, staring at Christopher sleep.
And when the sun came up, and I got out of there and tried to get home, and my sister wanted to know "Why? What happened?", all I could say was "Nothing."
And at that moment, and for many years after, that was true. It was true because it had to be true. It was true because I had no words for what happened. No words, no thoughts, no voice.
But I knew there was something. I always knew there was something, but there were just no words.
For me, it came back during an EMDR session. I was being touched, tapping being my preferred method of input, because I needed to have my eyes closed.
And these words came out of me, "sex at my grandfather's house - Christopher. He...".
Touch, sight, smell, erection, what is the key that unlocks? It's all of these, and others. The really tough part is that some of these keys can be the same damn things we used as reasons to block the memory in the first place. I guess this is what Joseph Campbell meant when he said,
Maybe there's a time limit or half-life built into us all, and we just remember when we must. Or maybe it's our diets. Planetary alignments?
Maybe. But it would be nice to have an MRI of a brain in the process of remembering or perhaps re-acting to a trigger?
Sorry if I've hijacked this post a bit Muldoon. But I think my ramblings do explain why my memories were unavailable way past the age of 25, and I hope they help.