What Possible Reason

What Possible Reason
M

Muldoon

Registrant
What Possible Reason

During one of my meetings at the MN capital the Rep. asked me, "What possible reason would there be for a victim not to know that he was wronged by the age of 25, or move forward with a law suite." In MN a victim has 8 years from thier 18 brithday to sue thier preps.
I all most broke down as I thought about all the reasons there are.
# 1 Many victims have buried the trauma so deep in the back of the mind.
#2 If we have remembered we most likely dont trust anyone.
#3 Some of us are frozen emotionally at the age of our abuse.
#4 Many many many other reasons.
I did stay cool and educated him some, but I know that your words would move him and the others to understand.
So please let me know where your world was at when you where 24-25 years old. Thanks Muldoon
 
Hi Tom,

Thanks for being an advocate. Probably the two or three top questions the people ask us is: 1) why did you go back? 2) why did you not tell someone? 3) why are you talking about it now?

When I was 24/25, wow such a long time ago! Anyway, I was in grad school, in the safety of a monastic type living situation and I felt very secure. I never did really forget my torture and violation. But at that age, I felt safe, it was something I worked to keep way back in my mind and I did not even think about the possibility that he was most likely harming other kids.

I would not have told anyone. I would have fear I would be kicked out of my Order, and NEVER allowed to be ordained. I could not bear to have anyone know that I had been sodomized. I would have felt they would think me a freak and blame me or say I must have wanted it. I didn't think that kind of thing happened very often, if at all. I had no idea that hundred of men harm boys. I remember, that for a long time, many years, I felt that maybe some guys had sex with young boys--but I was sure that they did not have happen to them, what had happened to be. Who would believe a man would do that? "He shoved his dick where!!!?"

I would like to see the statute of limitations for sexual abuse of a child be the same as murder--it has no limitation. Murder of the soul is a heck of a lot worse than murder of the body. We have to live with our murdered soul, murdered bodies are at peace.

Thanks again Tom. Be patient. Educate them as best you can.

Bob
 
Muldoon

I waited for just over 31 years after my abuse stopped, at the age of 15, until I disclosed to my wife of 25 years. She was the first person I'd ever told, and although I love her deeply, and trust her, I was still terrified of being rejected for what I mistakenly believed I'd been a part of.

My abusers were in a position of power over me, they were older, stronger boys and a teacher. And they told me the words that abusers use time and again.
"This is our secret, it will always be our secret"
And I, like so many others, believed it.

When the abuse stopped I moved on into a state of denial, a very confused one as well. In my mind the rape and beating,and the four years of almost daily sexual abuse I'd endured at the hands of my multiple abusers, became "sex". I altered the memory of what happened so it became something I did with them. It progressed, unconciously, into me believing I was a part of it, enjoyed it even.
Once I had reached this state of denial and dissociation there was no way I could disclose what happened to anyone, I had made myself believe I was as much to blame as they were.
Who would believe me ?
At the time, on the day I'd been beaten and raped by 5 or 6 older boys I'd told the Headmaster exactly what had happened. He didn't believe me, the most powerful person in my world believed them and not me.
I had nobody left to trust, nobody at all.

To go public in any way after that I would have had to endure the shame and disgust that people show towards sexual deviants, that's the way I thought.
And it took 31 years of intense internalizing before it exploded from me.

Why would any reasonable and intelligent man believe the abusers entreaty to keep the "secret" for so long ?
Because implicit in that secret is the thought that we were to blame, it was our fault, nobody will believe us, we are perverts, we enjoyed it.
The lies go on, and the influences that form our minds as adults are given to us in our formative years.
The lies go in as boys and stay well into manhood, becoming ingrained and entrenched.

At the age of 47 my life had become so disfunctional that I was faced with a stark choice, get help or face the rest of my life getting worse.
Thankfully I made the hardest choice of my entire life and asked the woman I love to help me, and she did.
I went into Therapy, and that helped me to understand that it was lies, I wasn't all those things they told me.

At 25, I was just married, building a home and a life and believing I was doing allright. The problems the abuse were to give me were only just beginning to surface and I didn't recognise them for what they were.

How I wish I had.

Dave.

Muldoon, feel free to send this to whoever you want if it might help.
 
Muldoon:

Thanks for your hard work as an advocate for us all! Obviously it ain't easy, but it's appreciated!

I was sexually abused mainly by my mother but by a number of others also, from age 2-3 till 10. I seemed to go thru a constant cycle of suppression & dissociation, forgetting each abuse right after it happened, burying piled up memories in the back of my mind, beyond the reach of my consciousness.

I did not remember any CSA until I was 45, 35 years after the last incident, which was the first one I remembered. This was thru therapy, about 18 months ago. I seemed to recall my abuse events in reverse chronological order, as if going thru my mind and pulling out the buried memory files until I came to the first one I remember, incest by my parents at age 2-3.

I had body memories of the abuse, in the form of fibromyalgia, which I still suffer with. I had occasional pictures or feelings flash thru my mind. But I could never tell what they were, how they were connected, what they meant.

All the significant adults who were around during my childhood either abused me, sexually and/or otherwise, or they lied & covered up the abuses. So who was there to trust? Who would I have told, even if I had remembered? Why risk further questions, not being believed, being further punished and abused? Why would I risk having my manhood questioned even further, being looked upon as even more of a freak?

A better question would be, "What possible reason would there be for a victim to know that he was wronged, much less tell anybody, by the age of 25, or by any particular age?"

Muldoon, edit this, trash it, use whatever you want of it for whatever will help get things thru those thick heads you're courageously dealing with. And yes you can quote me on that!

Victor
 
Muldoon,

When I was 25 I had been married for 2 years, my first child wouldn't be born for another three years. I remembered what happened to me rather hazily and thought that somehow I was responsible. That is what I had been told, over and over. I had been seduced and sexually abused when I was 11 and 12 by an older boy who was a family friend. I experienced a lot of inappropriate stuff that I just buried for years and years. I went on with my life, had two beautiful daughters, was successful in my chosen profession but always thought that I was a fraud and that I would lose everything if anyone found out about the abuse.

As sexual abuse of boys started receiving more press coverage in the late '80's & '90s I got more and more agitated and upset. I didn't know why. I started acting out and it just made me feel more worthless and more of a fraud. On my 50th birthday I finally started seeing a therapist to deal with it, it was a crisis and a turning point in my life. That was the first time I ever told anyone about the abuse. That was 38 years after the abuse had stopped. I wasn't ready to deal with it before that. Two months after I started therapy I told my wife about the abuse on our 28th wedding anniversary. I was scared to death that she would abandon me. She was very supportive.

We're still together, I'm still getting better but I still get bouts of uncertainty, insecurity and worthlessness. I can pull myself out of it a lot better now and I can accept my accomplishments without feeling like a fraud. But it took a long time to get to this point. I wish that I could have done it sooner but I wasn't ready.

Steve
 
I was still a kid at 25, and so busy with college, work and racing bicycles that I didnt think about anything else. At 25 I had convinced myself that everything in my life was my fault, and that I was geneticly flawed in some way that made me a pervert. I had completely blocked out the abuse and rape, because it made me feel homosexual. Raised as a Christian, I just couldnt deal with that, or with anyone thinking I was gay. In fact, my life went on some macho tangent where I dove into sports up to my eyeballs to prove I was a man. There are some things in life that are just too complicated to put a time and date stamp on, and in my book a crime is still a crime even a thousand years after it actually happened. This whole statute of limitations is BS, and protects criminals alone. Where are the victims rights in our system? They limit time, and are beginning to limit damages that can be awarded. They disbelieve and turn it around on the person who was raped all too often, and it just makes me sick. Even what this man said pisses me off! He sure shows his ignorance by even saying that a person should be able to deal with it by 25, but then by now I shouldnt expect any better for the average person in this world.
 
Thanks guys this is good info to pass on to the uneducated people at the capital. When I did leave his office he ,"thank you I have learned a lot from our meeting."
I realy know that they want to learn, they just don.t understand. Togeather we can educate them. Keep the post coming Thanks guys. Muldoon
 
My story is a little different since what I usually refer to as perp. # 1 happened to me when I was 26 .... But looking back I have recalled that the first time I was sexually abused happened 22 years before that. I was molested by the little girls across the alley from our house. I was 4 or 5 years old and they were between 8 and 12. There were three of them. It wasn't until July of last year that I remembered this. 41 years had passed. The painful memories have been buried that long.

As for "The rest of the story" Ted (I usually refer to him as perp#1 ) would have entered my life when I was in my very late teens or early 20's. He was a family friend, attended the same church as our family, and was a well-respected ophthalmologist in town. But it was also rumored around town that he was gay (even though he had a wife and three kids). I had done various "odd jobs " for him and his wife. There were times when his wife was in the other room he would show me his "porn collection". I guess he suspected that I was gay (called by most gays "Gaydar") He had Videos in his closet and magazines and sex toys in the drawer under his bed. (I don't know why his wife put up with it) I remember him showing me a magazine of teen-age boys one time.

Ted raped me when I was 26. There is no other way to describe what he did to me. He had groped me at church before that and he fondled me in his office after he raped me.

I didn't tell my parents. I didn't feel they would understand.

So, I told Dr. Laughlin aka Perp. # 2. Dr. Laughlin was the minister at our church. I had been seeing him to discuss my "questions about being gay". But looking back he was a sexual predator and was "looking for the right moment" to make his move. He got the opportunity when I told him Ted had raped me. 10 days after TED raped me Dr. LAUGHLIN sexually assaulted me.

Then there was Tom aka perp. #3

Tom entered my life 7 years ago. He owned a business down the street where I lived. I had been doing business there for years. What Tom was doing to me would be considered stalking. It started with him calling me and leaving messages on my answering machine. He would masturbate into the phone (this was before caller I D) then, when caller I D came out he started sending me anonymous mail. A pornographic magazine with a note describing the sex acts he wanted to perform on me. (one of the letters I refer to as the Monica Lewinski letter since is had a lot in common with her dress) I went to work for him 4 years ago. It started with him making inapropriate comments then "accidentally" brushing against me, to finally him grabbing me inappropriately on two occasions. I did hire an attorney.

The attorney I hired told me to report it to the department of labor which I did ...... but he also told me not to quit my job. That it made my case stronger if he fired me. So I continued working for the S O B for 4 months until he finally did fire me. He declared bankruptcy to get out of the charges and moved to Phoenix. The attorney I had hired had advised me incorrectly. I should have reported it to the police first and then to the department of labor. By the time we contacted the police Tom had moved to Phoenix .... and the police would not prosecute him across state lines.

As for telling:

  • The neighbor girls:
    I have never told my parents about the neighbor girls. I didn't remember it until a year ago
  • Ted
    I have never told my parents about Ted. Actually, I haven't mentioned Ted to anyone until recently. I think I told one of my T's about 6 months ago, but I have never gone to the police. I am afraid of Ted and what he could/would do to me.
  • Dr. Laughlin
    It wasn't until 10 years ago that I told my parents about Dr. Laughlin. (I told my mother on the phone one day. I have always assumed she told my father, but now I am not sure if she ever did) I did go to the police on Dr. Laughlin when he was still alive. We would have been within the statute of Limitations too since Wyoming uses the Discovery Rule. The policemen that I told mocked me, mimicked me called me a Fag and told me that I probably "deserved it". They told me that I was crazy and needed to see a shrink. I did contact an attorney at about this same time and he would not take the case because of a conflict of interest. He was also a member of the church
  • Tom
    Like I said. I did contact an attorney. I did contact the police. I did go through the "legal process" but through the department of labor. I should have gone criminally. The incompetence of my attorney lost the case for me. When Tom declared bankruptcy my attorney should have gone to the bankruptcy judge and demanded that we be placed on the docket. Instead the attorney worried about getting his name in the paper on a case with international attention ( Mathew Shepard he was the public defender for Aaron McKinney ) So the "system" let me down. My mother blames me for ruining her friendship with the attorney I hired. She was also pissed because she did not want " the family name" drug through the mud.

So, why don't we tell?
  • I know for me is was:
  • Shame.
  • Guilt.
  • Fear
    I didn't tell my parents. I didn't feel they would understand.
    Being afraid of what the abuser could/would do if I did tell.
  • Knowing that the "system" does not work. Tom proved that to me
  • Lack of support.
    • The lack of support when I did tell.
    • Reaction from the police when I did tell.
    • Reaction from my parents when I did tell.
    • Being told that I would "ruin our families good name" if I told.
    • Being told by my mother that she would be so embarrassed that she would never be able to set foot in HER church again.
    • Being told that if I told it would be an embarrassment to both me and my parents

I am sure that there are other reasons I didn't tell.

Muldoon, edit this, trash it, use whatever you want of it for whatever will help get things thru those thick heads you're courageously dealing with. And yes you can quote me on that!
Click to expand...
Muldoon, the same goes for me. Use what you want of this. None of it, some of it or all of it. I don't think these people are stupid, I just think that they are ignorant. No one but a survivor can know and understand the hell we go through everyday.

Good luck in your fight.

John
 
Guys I am going back to the MN capital again this year and would like to get some input from all the new guys here. Thanks Tom Muldoon
 
Tom,

So good to see you pushing to hopefully make a difference at your capitol sure wish i could do the same over here in Bushy Sunshine country.


I knew that I had been abused prior to being 18 and my perp was a family member who had all the control in my world over me until I was age of Majority.You see this perp I lived with every day and there was not a damn thing I could do to change this other then to take my medicine (abuse) as the good doc was tell you as a kid.I lived with my abuser and was told I would be killed if the secret ever came out of "The closet" due to my pepr having to go to the "Big House" for what this person was doing to me.

As for sueing the living day lights out of this person why what good would it do to take this persons living and use it for my benefit this makes no sense to me why would any person want to take from the perp other then to possibly pay for college or to get there own life started.I personally do not want to take from my abuser even though I know I could since my abuser went to the big house and has served almost 14 years of a 17 year sentence,7 years correctional and 10 years community supervision.I want to be able to wake up in the morning if I feel like waking up in the morning after re-living what took place to me and my adopeted brother and say
" I have made everything work for me alone without the help of my perp or anyone else,I am not one to ask for help but,I have had help some along the way such as from friends that I don't even know on the Malesurvivor website who have endured the very same or similiar and can understand how I feel and why I feel the way that I do now.I am still trying to get my life together and am still trying to piece my life together after making hard decisions and having to tell family members off and letting them know that i considered them no longer part of my family and having to walk away at 16 and having to try to make it on my own without the help of friends and family.It sure has not been a very easy road to haul but I have made my own life for myself and have made all the decisions that I thought were right for me and I have stuck to my guns with every decision I have made no matter whether it was the right one or not and have accepted what ever it is that I have done by making the decisions.I have learned to take " No prisnors along the path and to release those that I thought were hostages and bags that weighted me down along the way and I have not looked back since.I hope this helps to understand why it is not easy for a survivor to want to take legal ramifications against their own abuser especially taking them into some court and taking all the abuser has from out underneath them and taking their possessions,monetary funds and using them for the survivors own benefit it just goes to remind us daily of what has taken place in our lives and what has formed us today as men out of what we have made as life making or breaking thoughts and decisions just like what political figures do today when they campaign for any office or for presidency every little thing they do along the way gets drudged back up into the light of the national public think about it as to what you have done and think would I want to wake up knowing every day I have made things worse upon myself and upon those that entrusted me to help them since they can't help themselves.

Matt N.
Central Florida
 
Tom,

You're going to have to tell me who the Representative is.

I imagine that he is only the tip of the iceberg of that ignorance at the Minnesota Capitol and at other state capitols.

The education effort is huge but little by little it can happen.
 
I worked for my first perp. The first night he riped my clothes off me and released his furstrations onto me. He bagan threatening me when I wouldn't release the last tatter of clothing that I could hold on. The already intense fear I was feeling before that intensified to the point that all memories stopped. Four months later is my next memory. [age 11]

I remembered the abuse with the next perp. The usefulness that my existance was. I was nothing but his little 'puppy', come when I was summoned into the bedroom, or be dragged in. There was no 'no', tried that once and paid the price. This went on from age 12 through age 20, until I went in the service. The last night of SA was the night before I shipped out. [ages 11-20]

My stay in the service was short lived and I was home 3 months later. I started a career path that was determined to keep me down. I delivered newspapers like the first, then I delivered mail like the second. At the post office, my supervisor, a friend of the above mentioned perp, would sexually harrass me. Grabbing and pinching my ass, calling me 'toots', sitting behind me watching my backside as I cased my mail, and telling me that I "owed her for my job". This sunk me ino a deep depression, leaving me out on the streets. [age 23]

I was pulling myself out to the depression and ended up making my way to my father's home to get back on my two feet. There my lovely step-sister thought I'd be here nice little toy every morning. Everytime I woke up, I'd have to push her away, get her off me. This one had to be my fault, she was younger than me. I packed up and headed back south. [still 23]

A few weeks in a tranisent hotel and some job seaching I found a job and several months later an apartment. The next summer I noticed that I had no feeling in one of my toes. I went to the doctor for it. He did his tests, then sent me to specialist after specialist until I ended up in the neurologists office. That neurologist was more concerned about my penile function than my toe. And was really concerned that I wouldn't get an erection for him. He tried what he could, but still no erection. Can anybody tell me what an erection for the doctor has to do with my toe. I stopped seeking medical attention. [age 25]

After that I began dating, an overcompenstation for years of not. I started out seeing four girls at once. I was still in a state of limbo, and would leave one's house, stop for a juice and end back at her house instead of the one I was going to. I couldn't handle it and started to drop them one at a time and kept the last one. And after 18 months, I was married to her the week before my 28th birthday. She was phyiscally abusive to me. I have permenant damage to my wrist. I have lost a good portion of hearing in one ear and it has continuous pain, that never goes away. After she told me that she "had the right to beat me", we parted ways, her via the police. The next night the second perp was there to "console" me. Yeah, right. I held off the advances. [age 29-30]

Through shame, guilt, and overall disgust in myself this was all kept secrete until I started to see a T for depression 1-1/2 years ago, for the total colapse in my marriage. The second perp again provide me with words to keep me down, how this is all that I deserve. [age 37]

In the past few weeks the summer that I had blocked out, at age 11, has started to come back to me. There is still a lot missing. But the scope and intensity is starting to come back. It started off with me remembering that he shared me with others, forced me to be with them. Last night and this morning more has come back, he wasn't sharing me, he sold me, rented me out, to them. [age 38]

"What possible reason would there be for a victim not to know that he was wronged by the age of 25, or move forward with a law suite."
Click to expand...
  • I didn't know everything.

  • I was still in the cycle of abuse.

  • I was full of guilt and shame.

  • Who would believe me. The one prep lasted 8-1/2 years, it had to be my fault for going back time after time.

  • I was in a state of deep depression that lead to me being homeless.

  • I was still afraid of the perps. One still trying to assert his power over me.
There are more, right now this is what I have come up with.
 
Hi, Tom

At 25 (1979), I had just started a new job. I was enjoying life on my own. I was free of the alcoholic home I'd grown up in. As far as the SA, it was buried deep. I didn't even have memories surface until April 2003! Anyway, at that age life was seemingly very, very sweet.

Tom
 
Tom,

Well, when I was 24, it was still buried, but the issues it brought up were acting on their own (no self-esteem, no trust, etc.).

As for WHY to go on with a suit, maybe the only reason I'd do it, if I could find out the (deleted) was still alive, was to punish him, out him, expose him for the monster he is, not the "respectable citizen" he probably painted himself as.

Better than doing something REALLY stupid.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Muldoon - the rep is an ignorant******** and I am pleased that You manged to educate him in some respect. I do hope that his children / nieces / nephews / god children (assuming some of these must be present)never experience the kind of education that we had.

Why did we not know by we were 25 and not move forward with a lawsuit?

I didn't want to know, I didn't want anyone else to know...I knew that I HAD BEEN CONNED IN ONE OF THE WORST WAYS THAT ANYONE EVER CAN BE.

In 1969, (UK) we had no sex education (12 years old - just).....I'm not going to type anything new here, I'm going to attach something that I wrote for my Therapist about my perv: AD is me now 34 years on from the abuse...IC is me at 12 (only just).

AD OK then. To the perv.what made you decide that I was a good investment for your fantasies? What made you choose me over the other options that you may have had? Why did you need to pick on anyone at all? Why if you had a preference for the same sex did you not pick adults that could understand what you wanted to do, adults that had frames of reference and could say yes or no because they had the relevant points of reference that would allow them to make a substantiated decision. Did you think that I was older than I was because I had that deep voice that I have now. Did you think that I was older than I was because I was bigger than most of the kids that were in the fifth and sixth years even though I was just into the second year? Did you think it was OK to abuse school kids anyway? Did you realise that I was wearing school uniform when you met me and started the grooming process, which meant that I was a minimum of 3 years under the age of consent at that time in reality, I was actually 9 years under the age of consent! Did you use the same method of grooming other kids before and after me? How many were there in total? Why did you call me a shark, pretending that I was something fantastic and better than other kids? Why did you indicate that I would be a better man sooner than other kids? Why did you tell me that I would have a fantastic family with lovely kids and a nice home because of what you were doing? Why did you persuade me to take my dog for a walk, then leave it at home before meeting you? Why did you tell me that everyone did those things? Why did you tell me that they did those things but did not talk about them? What were you doing when my face was covered up? What happened to you to make you want to do these things? If someone had done these things to you, why the hell would you inflict it on someone else? Why did you manipulate me so much that you made me think that all of this was my idea when in reality it was obviously something that you planned over quite a period of time? Why did you pretend that you just wanted to teach me how to shoot a gun. What was with all of the sweets and fruit was that to fatten me up that so you had more to play with? Was it to appeal to my comfort zone. Why didnt you go and see somebody about your urges so that you could stop doing it. Did you ever stop and think that what you were doing was wrong. Did you realise what damage you were about to do to my psyche?

IC thats a lot of questions, and you have got me really frightened you sound as though youre angry again and last time you were angry you blamed me, you blamed me again and then you just kept on blaming me until you couldnt blame me any more!

AD sorry, I dont ever want to frighten you again. I never thought that I had been able to get angry before. I know that I had blamed us, and it wasnt us at all was it?

IC no it wasnt us, but you did used to get angry with me all of the time and you really used to piss me off.

AD what a mess we got into!

IC you can say that again!

AD do you realise what he cost us?

IC I can only guess I know that he made us go different ways at the time, or at least you left me behind and acted as though I never existed.

AD what we could have done with hindsight!

IC dont know what to say.

AD well this is what he has done:

He made us loose our confidence, so that we always thought we should please others regardless of whether they deserved it or not (Teachers / Bosses / Friends / Partners). At the same time he killed that trust that we used to have of others. He made us very wary of any new person that tried to get to know us. He also made us wary of people that we did knowboth of my Grandfathers always took sweets & food on our walks. I didnt know if my remaining Grandfather was planning to continue my lessons because of what he did. He stopped us from being the type of student that easily achieved and turned us into someone who scraped by just so that no one would single them out as being exceptional. He changed us from being the most talkative person in the room to someone that had to be forced into conversation. He destroyed our ability to shine in team games. He killed our constant quest for new knowledge. He destroyed that trust that we had for all adults. He introduced us to the world of utter confusion that we had never known before. He lied and lied and lied and lied to infinity. He made us realise that there were pure and absolute bastards out there that were only concerned about their own pleasure, regardless of the cost to others! He made us doubt everyone else that we had trusted in the past, anyone that we tried to trust in the present, also anyone that we may try to trust in the future. He made me wary of a friend placing an arm around my shoulder in a way that friends do, because I could only relate it to what he did and could not take it for mere friendship. He made me physically remove those arms from my person when anyone attempted that contact. He made me a cold person with impenetrable barriers around my heart! He put us into a scenario whereby eventually we did not wish to attempt relationships because we only ever got used. Yes we did have some, but we picked the wrong ones I dont know if thats going to be chapter 3/4/5 or whatever yet, but well get to that one.

IC and what do you do now, drink and smoke and watch telly all day?

AD Im a Shift Supervisor for an Electronics Company.

IC how did you manage that?

AD I didnt, we did!

IC we did?

AD yes if you hadnt developed your strong silent character and got through it, we might have had more difficulty and dropped out completely. That didnt happen! I think thats enough again for now. I think there are further parts to add to this story again, well do that next time we talk. There are some positives to this, but I want to end with those once we have cleaned all of the rubbish out.

IC positives? How can there be?

AD OK, Ive got you thinking again I suppose and cant just leave you there. Ill give you just one example and thats it for now! I/we have a very compassionate and empathic nature that does not allow us to hurt anyone else. We know the meaning of hurt! People come to Me/Us when they have problems. We always help, even if we just listen its a good thing being able to listen.

IC - but doesnt that hurt more, getting more crap poured on top of what we have already?

AD no it doesnt, by helping others we help ourselves.

IC OK, I think I get the drift. Ill wait til next time then.

AD OK, speak to you soon.

MULDOON - IT TOOK ME 34 YEARS TO HAVE THIS CONVERSATION WITH MYSELF...SHOW THIS TO THE REP.... It might help that person to understand where we come from. It's obvious from this site that I am not unique in my experiences. If I had to get into such a mental state (Dec 18 2003) before I could aknowledge any of this (at 46 years old) how the hell could I have took it to court when I was 25?

Please continue educating others...thanks ...rik
 
Tom (and others):
There is an interesting article that discusses repression of bad memories. You may want to show it to the rep or those who question the delay in reporting/discussing childhood abuse.

https://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2004/january14/memory-114.html

Ken
 
****TRIGGER **** TRIGGER ***** TRIGGER****


I have a problem with being a seamen receptacle. I mean, really, that is what I was. Among other things, like a, I had a bad day at work so Im going to take it out on you .
I was a tool for him, some THING to USE.
He had ALL the power, & he used it.
I was so fucking scared of him, I couldnt even piss if I heard his voice. And this went on for Many Years.
But, it seems, that is O.K. if youre a child molester in the state of MN. As long as you can do a real good job at terrorizing your young victim into silence until 8 years after 18. Then hey, youre free to start anew. Find another young boy, & turn them into another kinky sex toy for a madmans private thrills.
Maybe it will be the son of one of those brilliant Representative from MN, but that's OK, their kid will tell them immediately & everything will be fine.
Wake up. Think deeply on the repercussions of your actions. WHY would you ever put a Statute of Limitations on sex abuse of any kind? What purpose does it serve other than protecting the perps from their terrible crimes?
 
Ken,

I've read that article. I have Bipolar Disorder II and thus frequent a website, McMan\'s Depression and Bipolar Web ; John McManamy issues a weekly enewsletter. A few weeks ago he referenced that article. It has been tremendously validating for me.

Tom
 
Sorry, but what an asshole.

I will be 24 next month. I started to deal with these issues and healing last June, at age 23. I have confronted him, but have not any idea of turning him into authorities in a legal sense right now. I don't know if ever I will feel I am in a safe enough position, professionally, personally or however, to do that. I am in such time of transition, from being competitive athlete to another career, to making choice of which country I will live in, to making steps to make real relationship with the woman I am in love with.

I am not sure specifically, but I know there was some psychology person, I think named Erikson, who put out all these different stages of our lives, based on our age. I believe the age of 20s is the 'intimacy and isolation' part. Where the focus mentally is mostly on personal relationships. So, when you are still discovering yourself, who you are within yourself and with others, and are at an early stage of that, how can you mentally be able to be dealing with exposing someone who has mentally f*cked up your head in regard to that very thing?

I am very tired right now, and am sure I am not making the point I wish to. I guess I am saying that the age of early and middle 20s, to me, it is seeming of an age to discover yourself more, and to put your life into the direction you wish. It seems like a very busy mental time to also have to be worrying about exposing someone who has caused you so much harm and pain.

Leosha
 
I just turned 20 in October, so I can't say where I will be when I am 24-25. All I know is that you are right that sometimes people bury it so deep it doesn't come up until after they are 25. THank you for being an advocate for us, it is truly appreciated.

I know right now at 20 I am trying to heal, trying to get beyond all the pain and all the hurt, and it is not easy. I am where I am, feels like I am stuck in the mud at times, but here I am. I fight through all the pain all the memories and all the terror, and until a person endures it or at least witnesses it there is no way they can possibly understand. This is why we as survivors never "get our due" because no 'normal people' understand.

At this age I know I would be unable to expose the people who hurt me, it would just be too much for me to handle right now. I believe anyone at this age is just fragile trying to grow into the people we will be for the rest of our lives, and that takes enough energy, but then adding healing on that, and then exposing people, I believe that would just be too much for anyone to handle at once, I know it would be too much for me to handle.

Life can be so complicated, especially during a person's 20's, so the question shouldn't be "What possible reason would there be not to come forward by 25?" but "How can a person at such a vital stage of life be expected to come forward?" Just my thoughts, thank you again for being an advocate.

scott
 
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