What is life without hurting like?

[bikergary]

Today while writing to a friend I said I was doing well and not hurting. It then occurred to me that I really don't know if I am hurting or not as I have no frame of reference. As far back as I can remember in childhood I hurt badly. I now know the SA started when I was about 6 months old? I hurt from then forward. Thinking about it I probably am still hurting, it is just so much less than it was. A danger I see is not completing the healing process because I may think I am not hurting when it is a matter of the pain just being greatly reduced.

On a positive note to all my brothers that are in suffering big time pain, don't give up. It definitely gets better. The pain will greatly deminish. It takes time and work but it gets LOTS better.
Keep up the fight.

Thanks to all for making this a safe place to come for support, help, and comfort.

Gary

Thanks

 

[Sick Puppy]

I feel the same a lot of the time. A friend will ask me how I am feeling, and I will tell them I am sad. Then I'll realize that I always say I am sad, because I always am...

But what if I'm not sad after all? How do I tell? I don't remember a time when I wasn't sad. I don't know what to compare it to. I was being abused before I could even talk, and ever since I have learned to verbalize my feelings the emotions I express to others have always been the negative ones. (Sad, angry, in pain, lonely, etc...)

 

[outis]

Damn, I don't want to whine because I really do have a lot of good in my life. But sometimes I feel like this, too. This past week I kept looking at a post Orodo put in the music section, the lyrics to an Enya song, "'S Fgaim Mo Bhaile." I wanted to reply about how I have never been home, so how could I ever leave, and so on.

Even now, writing this and concious of how much good I have, I feel like I'm not home, not safe. Maybe this is one of the hard wired reactions and it just takes time to run new wiring? I don't know.

Thanks,

Joe