What is happening to me?

I don't know why I am feeling the way I am. Just rage. Just fucking so mad. I don't know why. I just want to destroy something.

I don't understand. The whole day. Spent in rage. I don't understand why i am so fucking angry.

But right now, I hate everything and everybody. I can't stop it.

I just am so damn mad. All I can see is the red. Rage. What is happening here? Why do I hate everything? I don't know. I am scared at the intensity of this. All day, raging. Acted out and that was with rage too.

I feel violent. I just want to smash things.

 

[EGL]

Hi Marc. I've been having similar thoughts lately as well - I have an 8 lb. sledgehammer in the garage and an old boom box that I want to take out in the back year and just beat the hell out of it, just to release some anger. Do you have any activities that you notice seem to help release anger better than others, i.e., exercise, etc.? If so, try to concentrate the rage towards those activities.

 

[MikeNY]

Marc, I am only guessing here, but I think you have unnecessary anger toward yourself because of last night. That anger has grown toward everything, and now you feel a desire to "act out". Please take the time to try to think of all of the positive things about last night. You made MANY HUGE steps in progress forward even though everything didn't go exactly the way that you wanted it to go. You went out in public. You sat next to and talked with people who you didn't know. You went out again into a crowd and talked with more people. Yes, you got overwhelmed, but you made huge steps forward toward your goals. Take a step sideways and look at it. Don't take a step backwards and punish yourself for failures which don't exist.

 

[Malidin41]

Well first off I would just like to say that I am sorry you are going through a rough time. Secondly I would suggest that you find out what is causing the anger, are you remembering your abuse that you indured and it is causing the rage, or maybe you feel as if you failed at something you tryed really hard at. What ever it is you should talk about it with someone that you trust and that can help. I wish you the best of luck my friend and if you need to talk pm me anytime I would love to do anything I can to help.

 

[Leosha]

I have had that 'rush' onset of anger and rage and hate. And did not necessarily deal with it smartly or well. Sometimes thinking 'rationaly' of things don't help either, because rational, reason, has no place in rage and anger. But to smash things, break things, it only means having to fix or replace them later. It means wasting your time and money on your rage.

I go to gym, and hit punching bag. One night, while I was gone and could not go to the gym, I moved the mattress off my bed, against the wall, and hit that for almost an hour, until I could barely move. And of course, there is always the Mike Church way, of beating a tree with a baseball bat. But I think to express it physically has great satisfaction and gratification. I may well do that tonight.

Good luck, and keep safe.

Leosha