What is daddy?.exploring power dynamics. (triggers)

1islandboy

Registrant
For the longest time.I shamed myself as a as a.victim who was led into submission. I have so much chatter in my head. It's weird.how sustitute daddy father figures can help you with your issues teach and guide you and yet at the same time you are tone deaf to what you are supposed to focus on learning. For example. My parents were.not very organized. So as.a.submissive one of my exercises might be thouroughness . and we can embark on a journey of expressing that. Do you guys.have.any.thoughts on this subject? How to to work on yourself through the submissive dynamic? I would like to explore.how these power dynamic relationships might help me live.a better life. I know I.am crazy, but PTSD sucks.

island
 
Last edited:

.aseity

Registrant
Hello @1islandboy I don't know how well I will be able to alleviate your troubles with PTSD, as I also suffer with it.

I come from a family that was held together by a single mom. I had 4 sisters I was the only boy and a middle child.

Every time I look at an older man I immediately look for his character. I have had countless pos ' step - in fathers ' try to give me their 15 minutes of parenting.

I turned to myself for answers and stopped asking questions about personal manhood. Women around me were not a good source of ' the essential male role model ' but a bunch of contorted depictions of the characteristics of men.

Growing up though I learned to take what I can for wisdom. Look at every man on eye to eye level and see the good qualities they have, even if they only display one good trait. I will do my best to let them lean on me or in other words. I had no boundaries but I was non verbal and indefensible. I was submissive enough to be the lowest I could and get talked down to and assaulted and never once defy them or deny them their entitled platform to release their problems.

I also looked at every man like an abusive PoS and a monster early childhood, until I realized how my mom used them and treated me like them. I don't have good family ties, and can't relate to having a good family member or having any real male role model.

I'd love to dive into this conversation, as I seek to mutually benefit from writing out those passages. For the sake of my unrealized mind.

I also want to see how others are able to speak on behalf
 

1islandboy

Registrant
There was another thread about ..Am I crazy if I have thoughts about hurting children...and the answer Is no...(just because you have the eyes of a predator, does not make you a predator)...and here is the thing. I tapped into something totally cathartic with shiatzu deep tissue massage. the pain was almost unbearable, but extremely cathartic...this is part of what I may be trying to tap into...thanks for sharing and reminding me, I'm not alone. This world doesn't make sense, so I might like to tease the darkside, and I am working on how? Sharing is caring.
 
Last edited:

.aseity

Registrant
In essence we exist of and within the ever intertwined duality of light/being/sense and awareness; as well as the unfathomable depths and volume of dark/void/absence and take on the the responsibility of being in "control". All that is and All that is not weighs on us so transparently .

I'll look for the thread.
 
Top