What I learned
Hello, everybody,
I had a real busy week. I started asking for advice on whether/how to tell my 11 year old son about the sexual abuse in my history. I thank each of you again for the concern you showed both of us in your replies.
I did tell him that I had been subjected to the "bad touch" as described in his old Cub Scout pamphlet. I 've written more about that in the "Telling Kids" thread.
Then Blacken posted the news story about Lynn Ernsberger, and the replies from you guys about the damn lies of the perps awoke some kind of anger in me. I wrote to the paper, and eventually gave them my full name and town, with permission to publish any and all of what I had written. (For whatever reason, it looks like they haven't published it. If it shows up in the print version of the newspaper, and one of you sees it, please PM me.)
My fear that my parents would learn about the abuse which I had never disclosed to them via the letter was grossly exaggerated. Consider, they were on vacation in the Pocono Mountains of PA. The newspaper serves the Cleveland metropolitan area, which must be 300 miles from the Poconos. My parents don't usually read editorials in their own local papers, so I was making much more out of this than it really represented.
Why? Why the fear? I'm not a perp. Why should I be afraid that people might find out something bad happened to me? Would I be afraid if I had lived through an earthquake? Would I be ashamed of surviving a gun shot wound?
The sexual abuse is not who I am. It is one of the things that happened to me during my life. Many other things, some good (meeting my wife, becoming a father), some bad (more car wrecks than I care to count, life threatening episodes on the seamier side of numbing behaviors). But I am not made of those things.
I learned that I have been chained by fear, irrational fear. I learned that the world will not fall apart if people find out what happened to me. I've been real busy this week, and maybe I am going too fast. I still don't feel the boy's pain. I still haven't cried for him. I got angry at Ernsberger, and your perps, when I read the replies to Blacken's post of the news story. So I still need work, but dammit, I will not live my life in fear!
You have all been fantastic, absolutely beautiful people to me this week. And I know why. Without a doubt, it is because each of you is a beautiful person, a wonderful human being who endured terrible injury, but a wonderful human being nonetheless. Thank you for your support. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being who you are. Never believe that you are anything but the best that God has made.
Your brother,
Joe
I had a real busy week. I started asking for advice on whether/how to tell my 11 year old son about the sexual abuse in my history. I thank each of you again for the concern you showed both of us in your replies.
I did tell him that I had been subjected to the "bad touch" as described in his old Cub Scout pamphlet. I 've written more about that in the "Telling Kids" thread.
Then Blacken posted the news story about Lynn Ernsberger, and the replies from you guys about the damn lies of the perps awoke some kind of anger in me. I wrote to the paper, and eventually gave them my full name and town, with permission to publish any and all of what I had written. (For whatever reason, it looks like they haven't published it. If it shows up in the print version of the newspaper, and one of you sees it, please PM me.)
My fear that my parents would learn about the abuse which I had never disclosed to them via the letter was grossly exaggerated. Consider, they were on vacation in the Pocono Mountains of PA. The newspaper serves the Cleveland metropolitan area, which must be 300 miles from the Poconos. My parents don't usually read editorials in their own local papers, so I was making much more out of this than it really represented.
Why? Why the fear? I'm not a perp. Why should I be afraid that people might find out something bad happened to me? Would I be afraid if I had lived through an earthquake? Would I be ashamed of surviving a gun shot wound?
The sexual abuse is not who I am. It is one of the things that happened to me during my life. Many other things, some good (meeting my wife, becoming a father), some bad (more car wrecks than I care to count, life threatening episodes on the seamier side of numbing behaviors). But I am not made of those things.
I learned that I have been chained by fear, irrational fear. I learned that the world will not fall apart if people find out what happened to me. I've been real busy this week, and maybe I am going too fast. I still don't feel the boy's pain. I still haven't cried for him. I got angry at Ernsberger, and your perps, when I read the replies to Blacken's post of the news story. So I still need work, but dammit, I will not live my life in fear!
You have all been fantastic, absolutely beautiful people to me this week. And I know why. Without a doubt, it is because each of you is a beautiful person, a wonderful human being who endured terrible injury, but a wonderful human being nonetheless. Thank you for your support. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being who you are. Never believe that you are anything but the best that God has made.
Your brother,
Joe
Thank you! 