What I Hate

What I Hate
S

Sinking

Registrant
Sort of in line with previous threads 'What I need from my spouse'; What I need from myself', etc. I thought I'd post a thread that allows us to vent our hatred. Rather than causing triggers, I hope this lets off a little steam. Here goes:

I hate what they did.
I hate how they did it.
I hate how they hid it.
I hate that they tricked me.
I hate that they hurt that boy.
I hate that they didn't care.
I hate that they don't care.
I hate that I can't make it better.
I hate that I have to make it better for someone else.
I hate that I have to tell someone else.
I hate them, I HATE them. In the deepest sense I HATE THEM!!!
I hate that I have to make it better.....
:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:
 
I hate that no one noticed.
I hate that people still don't notice.
I hate that whenI told my family it didn't matter.
I hate that denial cost me years of dealing and healing.
I hate that the childhood of my memories was fiction.

I love you guys and this place.
thanks for a chnace to say what I hate.

Ken
 
I hate my father.
I hate my coach.
I hate myself.
I hate hate.
 
Mike,

I was just thinking to edit my answer of this one. How is this?

I hate how THEY make me feel of myself.

?? That is what I think is truth.

leosha
 
I HATE that people treated you guys this way.

Polly
 
Thanks Polly and Leosha that is better. Never forget that in your moving forward.

You got a lot of guts brother
 
I hate that this site has to exist.

I hate that our feelings get so confused that we hate ourselves for what happened.

I hate that this could someday affect my daughter.

I hate that this has put my wife through such turmoil.

I hate that I truly hate.

I hate that this is happening to other children and that I can't protect them.

I hate........
 
I HATE tham all!

I HATE and want to kill them all. A mojo that walks, talks, and takes revenge.

I HATE!

I HATE!!!

I GODDAMN HATE!!!!!!!!!!

Scot :mad: :mad:
 
Leosha
I hate myself.
Click to expand...
I was going to come round and kick your butt for writing that !

Dave :D
 
I hate the confusion, not knowing what's me and what's the abuse.
 
I hate that you all have suffered and still suffer so much mentally and physically.

I hate that you had your childhood and adolescence stolen from you.

I hate that people abuse other people.

I hate that adults ignore abused children.

I hate cruelty of every kind.

I hate that state child welfare institutions do not protect children from abuse and further abuse.

I hate it when adults refuse to take responsibility for what they do.

Mary
 
Have I hated myself more than I've hated Mr. H.?

I see what some of you guys have been able to accomplish in your lives, despite the pain, hurt and shame and I can hate myself even more.

I have hated, hating myself.

David
 
Never hate yourself, Dave. You are a lifesaver here.

We all (myself included) should NEVER hate ourselves!

I HATE my abuser now, and if I had a chance and a weapon I would kill him.

I HATE that I want to kill.

I HATE that he may be still out there.

I HATE that he may yet be hurting other children.

I HATE his goddamn Mr. Rogers voice. That was the sickest damn thing about what he did to me. His GODDAMN gentle voice filled with so much sick, disgusting s**t!

I HATE what he has left behind for me to clean up.

I HATE him. I will NEVER forgive him. NEVER!

I hope someday he knows just how much I HATE him.

Scot :mad:
 
I know I shouldn't write this, but sometimes...

I hate myself.

I know that's crazy. I know that it's not my fault. I really know all that, but still...

okay, hate is a strong word...but sometimes I would like to hurt myself. It is so wierd.

I don't blame myself. It is not that I want to punish myself. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing it in an effort to finally make myself cry, which I have been unable to do.

I try to think of ways that will cause great physical pain without leaving marks or damage for others to notice. See how responsible I am?

I guess I don't hate myself, but I hate wanting to hurt myself and not even really knowing why.

I hate not being able to cry.

I hate not knowing what is real.

I hate that on the two occasions I have tried to talk to my wife about this she has instantly, irritatedly, and impatiently asked who? what? when? She gets very angry when I don't answer, and I realize I'm disclosing in the wrong way.

I hate having to keep it to myself.

I hate that she doesn't really believe me, which makes it hard for me to believe me.

I hate that she said today, "I should have given you a questionaire to fill out before we got married." I have tried so hard, and been really good. We've had our problems, but a healthy marriage overall. I've put up with some of her stuff, too. And now that. How can I talk about my past if it makes her regret our marriage of 7 years so far? I HATE THAT. SO UNFAIR!!!!!

THAT IS WHAT I'm HATING most of all right now.

I told her if she had given me a questionairre, I would have not told her any of this seven years ago because I did not realize it. She had no clue what I was talking about. If it is true, then I remembered it then. If I did not remember it then, then it is not true now. I HATE THAT!!!

I HATE THAT I CAN'T BE THE PERSON I WOULD LIKE TO BE, OR THE PERSON SHE WOULD LIKE ME TO BE.

I LOVE THIS SITE,
 
  • I HATE what was done to me.
  • I HATE having my innocence and my childhood stolen from me (my God, I was only two years old when it began).
  • I HATE the fear that has nearly paralyzed me my whole life.
  • I HATE the rage that has threatened to overwhelm me my whole life.
  • I HATE feeling like an alien in my own skin.
  • I HATE feeling apart and not belonging.
  • I HATE feeling like I have to prove something.
  • I HATE emotional incest.
  • At times, I HATE her. Other times I am very confused.
  • I HATE rapists.
  • I HATE baby rapists even more.
  • I HATE incestuous baby rapists most of all.
  • I HATE him.
Tom
 
learning2remember
higher up the page I threatened to "kick Leosha's butt" for saying he hated himself - and I will if he says it again ;)
But he's moving on and dealing with the crap we were dealt, like so many of us here.
But you're new to the recovery road, and feeling so confused you don't know which way to turn for the best. You tried your wife, but she doesn't seem very understanding at the moment.

Stick with us for a while, we do understand. And I believe that we can help you to understand yourself, and what you've been through, a good deal more than you do now. Maybe then it'll be easier to explain it to your wife.

Perhaps she's as confused as you at the moment, I certainly hope that's the case. A supportive partner or friend is such a help to us.

The other thing I always say is "get a therapist" - and look for one that specializes in, or has good knowledge of sexual abuse and all it's problems.
There are links from the home page to some therapists, and if you tell us your nearest town I'm sure someone will have some contacts.

The importance of therapy can't be underestimated in my opinion. I was 46 yo and a mess, but I thought I was smart enough to deal with my 'abuse' ( I didn't even call it abuse then - it was sex )
by myself. Fat chance ! all I did was go around in circles trying the same 'cures' for the same 'problems'
And if they hadn't worked in 31 years then surely I should have noticed a bit sooner ?
But I didn't, not until I hit rock bottom and then somehow realised I needed help.
And I don't exagerate when I say that therapy saved , and turned around, my life.

Stick around, there's some great support and help here and you deserve some of it.

Dave
 
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