What I feel lately/Struggling Memory Recall
I have found myself this past few weeks re-thinking my life and other issues.I was recently placed on a jury for a murder trial and was questioned by many attornies and the judge on this case on where I stood on the death penalty and how I felt about the defense of insanity,I was then questioned on where I stood on domestic violence and this really struck a cord in me like no other time in my life and for the first time how I felt became crystal clear.In the end this murder trial came down to sentencing and declaring a defendant guilty of murdering this persons wife and child to the death penalty in Florida.
I am also dealing with a family issue of someone I love very much being sexually violated and having to also face the person who did this who is a blood relative so, I have found myself struggling with the feelings and thoughts I have in regards to this situation and how to approach the violator.I have already spoken with the person who was violated and the phone call was the worst call I have had to take as it clearly for me goes back to what happened to me and then to hear a loved one was violated by someone this person trusted and by an authority figure and how the violation took place.In my mind lately I have had a battle going on which has not been an easy thing to cope with bringing up many emotions and feelings and thoughts.I am supposed to talk further with the person that was violated and really hope I will have the strength to help this person.
My health is taking a turn for the worse I have been feeling very weak with no energy and loosing feeling in one of my legs within the last week or so and another medical scan MRI has shown that one of the rods placed in my back is moving out of place and is hindering my feeling and motion of my right leg,I am scheduled to go back to my neurosurgeon to find out my options and I am scheduled as well to go in for a surgery to implant a neurostimulator into my spinal cord which might allow me to live without having a pain signal reach my brain which would allow me to live hopefully no longer in pain and having to live on medications the rest of my life which is causing me very difficult discouragement and frustration and lately deep depression.My doctors have told me they are running out of options so I am faced with making some very difficult decisions.
I am also dealing with facing childhood emotions and thoughts that have been buried for many years and I am also faced with the thoughts of what kind of father will I be,my wife and I have already had our first sonogram and I have been feeling very scared as well as surprised that I am going to be a father.I am having issues as I am scared that my child may have the same spinal issue and hopefully won't have thyroid issues either as I am going through all these things.Very deep emotions stirring many tears flowing as I have childhood memories come back to me after many years of these memories being buried,it also does not help that other family members and friends keep bringing up my childhood which I have some recelection of and other memories I have no recall.
I am also dealing with a family issue of someone I love very much being sexually violated and having to also face the person who did this who is a blood relative so, I have found myself struggling with the feelings and thoughts I have in regards to this situation and how to approach the violator.I have already spoken with the person who was violated and the phone call was the worst call I have had to take as it clearly for me goes back to what happened to me and then to hear a loved one was violated by someone this person trusted and by an authority figure and how the violation took place.In my mind lately I have had a battle going on which has not been an easy thing to cope with bringing up many emotions and feelings and thoughts.I am supposed to talk further with the person that was violated and really hope I will have the strength to help this person.
My health is taking a turn for the worse I have been feeling very weak with no energy and loosing feeling in one of my legs within the last week or so and another medical scan MRI has shown that one of the rods placed in my back is moving out of place and is hindering my feeling and motion of my right leg,I am scheduled to go back to my neurosurgeon to find out my options and I am scheduled as well to go in for a surgery to implant a neurostimulator into my spinal cord which might allow me to live without having a pain signal reach my brain which would allow me to live hopefully no longer in pain and having to live on medications the rest of my life which is causing me very difficult discouragement and frustration and lately deep depression.My doctors have told me they are running out of options so I am faced with making some very difficult decisions.
I am also dealing with facing childhood emotions and thoughts that have been buried for many years and I am also faced with the thoughts of what kind of father will I be,my wife and I have already had our first sonogram and I have been feeling very scared as well as surprised that I am going to be a father.I am having issues as I am scared that my child may have the same spinal issue and hopefully won't have thyroid issues either as I am going through all these things.Very deep emotions stirring many tears flowing as I have childhood memories come back to me after many years of these memories being buried,it also does not help that other family members and friends keep bringing up my childhood which I have some recelection of and other memories I have no recall.