What happens?

[jbrit]

What will happen if I tell a teacher or someone that I've been abused? Do I have to go to a doctor? What happens if the person who did it gets arrested and it's my word against his? Do I have to stay with him? What kind of proof do I have to have? I'm sorry if these are stupid questions. I'm afraid of what happens if I do tell. I don't know what to expect. Can someone track me down through this website? I don't want to get caught posting here. It would make everything worse.

 

[WalkingSouth]

jbrit,

Your questions are not stupid. They are very well spoken and well thought out.

In most places teachers are mandated by law to file a report. Depending on your location, different things can happen from there. Most likely what will happen is you would be interviewed by a very kind and considerate person who has professional training in working with young people who have traumatic things happen in their lives.

Also in most locations the child or teen who reports abuse is considered to be "at risk" if the abuser lives in the same home. What that means is the abuser is required to live elsewhere. In some cases the person who reports he/she has been abused is placed in foster care.

Some times, tho not always, a medical examination is asked for. I'm not sure whether it is required. I think you can refuse the examination if you wanted to, but it may make it more difficult to get the abuser removed from the home.

I'm not sure what the site policy is regarding people who participate in this forum, but the people who run this website are very protective of those who come here with problems like yours.

I also want to tell you that I admire your courage in coming here and asking these questions. This couldn't have been an easy thing for you to do, and I want to honor you for doing so.

Keep talking to us, Friend.

Safe hugs,

John

 

[Bill_h_pike]

What will happen if I tell a teacher or someone that I've been abused?

They will be required to report it to the appropriate authorities. They are trained on how to handle such situations.

Do I have to go to a doctor?

If it happened in the last few weeks there might be physical evidence that a doctor can collect. I didn't have to see a doctor because my abuse took place a few years ago.

What happens if the person who did it gets arrested and it's my word against his?

That's tough. The legal system gives perps the benefit of the doubt. However there is likely more evidence that the police can find to back up your story.

Do I have to stay with him?

I doubt the police will make you stay with someone that is abusing you. Even if they can't get a conviction (unlikely) they will see to it you are safe.

What kind of proof do I have to have?

Let the police worry about the proof. You should worry about protecting yourself.

I'm sorry if these are stupid questions.

There not. I disclosed my abuse recently and I was scared as shit before I did it. I had many of the same questions you are having right now.

I'm afraid of what happens if I do tell. I don't know what to expect.

Telling is scary. The court system can kind of suck sometimes but it's a whole lot better then suffering silently. I had a lot of fears before I told my parents. Could I recommend you call the Boystown national hotline (1-800-448-3000). The counselors there managed to talk me out of suicide and into disclosing my abuse.

Can someone track me down through this website?

Plausibly but very unlikely.

 

[Nathan LaChine]

Hello jbrit,

It seems John has answered most of your questions. All I can add is if you talk with your teacher they will report it and get you safe. You will be safe from this person hurting you. If it comes down to your word over there's you will win. You will be safe and that is what matters. You will be believe.

Take care of your self man. Tell your teacher and get safe.

Lots of love, Nathan

 

[jbrit]

Thanks. In the real world, if my mom takes his side, will anyone believe me? I'm like nothing and he's kind of powerful or respected anyway. I don't think she'll believe me or even if she does believe me, she won't admit it because she always puts him first. I'm never good enough for her and he's perfect.

 

My Father was a well respected man in our community. I thought for years no one would believe me, in the end I waited 20 years before I told, and yes I WAS believed.

He is now serving a 11.5 year prison sentence.

What ever happens, you should be kept safe.

Ask one of the mods here, they will point you in the right direction.

 

[WalkingSouth]

jbrit,

One of the Mods will probably be contacting you in the next little while to just check in with you and see how things are going. Please feel free to express your concerns to him. If I'm not mistaken his user name is Scotty Todd. He's a good guy who may be able offer you constructive suggestions in workin out some of your immediate problems.

Please do your best to stay safe. Remember, you deserve better than what you are getting, and you are a worth while person with a lot to offer. Don't let anyone steal that from you.

Safe Hugs,

John

 

[RICK57]

Jbrit - if you are in the same country as me (England/UK), try ringing childline as they could help you. If you don't want them to know who you are, you can use number witheld, or a public telephone box (I believe some still exist).

I don't know the telephone number, but I'm sure you'd find it on Google.

Best wishes ..Rik