What drove you to connect with other survivors?


For many survivors, living in silence is a reality for many years. Because of the shame, it's hard to come to admit that you've experienced ASA. But for those you have come out of the silence, what was it that drove you to tell others and seek support? I know that sometimes the perpetrator dies, or you come into contact with them again. But was there a specific moment or event in your life that triggered you to seek help? What's your story of how you got the courage to become more open about your assault?
Hi Derek

The first time I tried to get help it was my wife that help me get into care. I stopped all that in 2000 and when solo for 16 years. Then I had a severe breakdown, it took me a few months to even get to my Doctor and then it took more months until I was seen by a Psychiatrist and started therapy Intake for EMDR. In the mean time I went back online hadn't been on in since 2000. I found a ptsd site and found others I could talk to some but I didn't feel I fit in there. Someone I was talking to sent me a link to here and I found a place I do fit into with some here. Even though our trauma's very a lot we struggle much the same. I still have never shared my story in one place. It is in all the post I have made here and 1 other site most is here. Coming to these sites has allowed me to open up some. I still have stuff I don't talk about but it is coming. The more I talk the more comes out. It is easier to talk here than anywhere else I have been.

Take Care
At the same time I started getting serious about working on my trauma, I read a book called "Journey Through Trauma" by Gretchen Schmelzer that really helped. At the end of the book, she said that everyone who made it to the other side of trauma should help other people - especially men, who statistically probably commit suicide as often as they heal. As soon as I read that, I was determined to be one of the men who healed and then helped other men.

Tom E.

I was in therapy for rage attacks and drug & alcohol addiction. All this stuff came to the surface. I had pushed it down, not even calling it abuse or assault, or rape until I finally started to talk about it & realize what it all really was.


Went into recovery for addiction. Realized that seeking abusive sex from men was a direct result of being raped by a man when I was in college. Took a long time to realize that I wasn't responsible for any physical reactions to being assaulted.
For me, I'd begun a downward spiral that no amt. of minimizing or normalizing was going to help me out of. After years of walking the walk & talking the talk, all while secretly just wanting to scream, it just took it's toll I suppose. I'd been conflicted b/c of haunting & mixed messages about reporting but also was told it would be best to keep it under wraps. I tried that another twenty years and had become consumed with negative cognitive distortions. Then nightmares, flashbacks & terrors forced my hand. I found my way somehow to this site. Fortunately, I landed in the hands of some experienced trauma experts that supported me attending a WoR event.

Connecting to others dissociating, tremulous, hypervigilant, straining to utter truths of our horrors that would make skin crawl went a long way in helping me recommit to the process of treatment & overall the outcome has been favorable. I read recently that male CSA survivors are 4x's more likely to commit suicide & many of us still engage in self harming behaviors. Therefore, my intent is not to alarm or shock with details but to find positive ways to be supportive of my/our community.

I've been able with a lot of help & T to reframe so many of those old beliefs that were diserving me. I've also connected with some who are recovering from military war zones & that's been pretty validating. One shared an app developed by some kid that emphasizes having 5 contacts you can call during crises. I've been taken back a little by how few have that resource. So, this place has been an invaluable resource for so many I can clearly see like me that may not have 5 but a space where 13k+ are finding hope & strength as necessary or tolerated.

My greatest accomplishment as I see it now was ceasing all contact with the primary abuser after he denied any responsibility after confronted some 22 years ago. An obituary yesterday of a powerful controller in my era has me a little fear based so it is beneficial for me to post this. Thx. And congratulations to all who ceased contact & committed to healing. And connecting!

Some friends from here help keep me grounded & confront me when my thinking starts to stinking. 3/4 of us transitioned from csa to Asa though I still hold myself accountable for things I allowed from 17-20 in accordance with the consent laws in my state. It just took that time to develop a successful strategy to leave the game I got coerced into at 5 I guess is the way I see things now.
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My therapist originally. Then she told me to stay away from here and myptsd then she said she thought it was good my trying to help others. I have never been around others in person except twice and the therapist took me or was there both times. I've spent most of my time on myptsd because I couldn't handle being here. I'm much different now but I just came back here a couple days ago.

See how long I make it this time lol.


Thanks everyone for your incredible and inspiring stories! I wish you all great inner peace and love to continue on your journeys.