What does this sound like?
I don't know where to start. Today is my first day at this forum and the first day that I have decided to deal with some of these issues. Please be patient or move on, if you like.
A couple of years ago, I was reading an article about the lingering symptoms in adults who were sexually abused as children. There was a list of five or six major ones, and I was somewhat dismayed to learn that I suffer from all of them. So does my mother. A lot of circumstantial evidence aside from these symptoms (old dreams and fears, flashes of related memories) suggest to me that my grandfather abused both of us. If all of this is accurate, which is probably quite unlikely, I was sexually abused when I was about two. Various psychologists and other professionals, whom I have been seeing for the aforementioned symptoms, have told me they felt I had undergone some trauma involving a male authority figure when I was around two.
In a series of flashes, everything added up. I could be way off base. This is something I have not wanted to explore, but a few of the symptoms have been flaring up in the past year, since I got a boyfriend whom I am just completely in love with. It's like, a-ha! Now you're happy and let's throw all of these issues at you!
The thing is, I don't remember all of what I read the symptoms are, but two of them were difficulty bonding with people in social situations and the tendency to shut down emotionally and appear like a Vulcan.
Today, as I look around the web, I can't find these listed again, so maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree. When I think about this possiblity, I feel so much guilt and shame, and it would explain so much if it were true. Like a patchwork of strange and previously unexplained things in my life coming together.
Again, I was doing all right until last year when I met the love of my life. Since then, my emotional state has degenerated considerably. Most notably, my social abilities have just vanished. I have always been shy, but I've always compensated for that. Now, when I meet people, I just shut down completely. There have also been some emotional symptoms that I could go into but I've rambled enough. These are the things that I've mentioned to therapists and other professionals, who all told me it sounds as if I went through a trauma when I was two, which, again, sews all of the circumstantial evidence together nicely.
I guess what I'm wondering is if anything I'm writing seems as if I might be a survivor of sexual abuse. I have not gone into great detail, and I'm not looking for a diagnosis. I don't know what I'm looking for. But these emotional problems are strongly affecting my relationship with this wonderful man. He is very understanding and I told him today what I'm afraid the cause is.
I guess I just don't know what to do. I'm in therapy, but I never brought this up. I don't want to acknowledge it or make it real. My mother and grandfather are still living, and I don't want to have any sort of confrontation. I don't have any direct memories, just memories of dreams and impressions and also a bunch of circumstantial evidence.
What does this sound like?
A couple of years ago, I was reading an article about the lingering symptoms in adults who were sexually abused as children. There was a list of five or six major ones, and I was somewhat dismayed to learn that I suffer from all of them. So does my mother. A lot of circumstantial evidence aside from these symptoms (old dreams and fears, flashes of related memories) suggest to me that my grandfather abused both of us. If all of this is accurate, which is probably quite unlikely, I was sexually abused when I was about two. Various psychologists and other professionals, whom I have been seeing for the aforementioned symptoms, have told me they felt I had undergone some trauma involving a male authority figure when I was around two.
In a series of flashes, everything added up. I could be way off base. This is something I have not wanted to explore, but a few of the symptoms have been flaring up in the past year, since I got a boyfriend whom I am just completely in love with. It's like, a-ha! Now you're happy and let's throw all of these issues at you!
The thing is, I don't remember all of what I read the symptoms are, but two of them were difficulty bonding with people in social situations and the tendency to shut down emotionally and appear like a Vulcan.
Today, as I look around the web, I can't find these listed again, so maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree. When I think about this possiblity, I feel so much guilt and shame, and it would explain so much if it were true. Like a patchwork of strange and previously unexplained things in my life coming together.
Again, I was doing all right until last year when I met the love of my life. Since then, my emotional state has degenerated considerably. Most notably, my social abilities have just vanished. I have always been shy, but I've always compensated for that. Now, when I meet people, I just shut down completely. There have also been some emotional symptoms that I could go into but I've rambled enough. These are the things that I've mentioned to therapists and other professionals, who all told me it sounds as if I went through a trauma when I was two, which, again, sews all of the circumstantial evidence together nicely.
I guess what I'm wondering is if anything I'm writing seems as if I might be a survivor of sexual abuse. I have not gone into great detail, and I'm not looking for a diagnosis. I don't know what I'm looking for. But these emotional problems are strongly affecting my relationship with this wonderful man. He is very understanding and I told him today what I'm afraid the cause is.
I guess I just don't know what to do. I'm in therapy, but I never brought this up. I don't want to acknowledge it or make it real. My mother and grandfather are still living, and I don't want to have any sort of confrontation. I don't have any direct memories, just memories of dreams and impressions and also a bunch of circumstantial evidence.
What does this sound like?
