What do people do about feeling powerless?DEaling with powerlessness and rage!
dark empathy
Registrant
I'm having a really major problem at the moment.
Besides my marriage, nothing in my life works. my writing gets rejected which in turn makes me not want to write, my lady and I are still in lockdown, opportunities in performing arts don't exist for blind people in this fucking country, everything I've tried to do in this fucking dead shit hole my parents forced us to move to fails.
And on, and on!
Heck, I only need to walk into a fucking shop to have people ignore my existance, or spend 20 minutes waiting for someone to serve me (yes of course, there are lores against disability discrimination, but nobody gives a crap).
Oh and that aside from all the usual stuff I have to live with, you know like the amount of computer programs that don't work with screen readers, or when windows decides to update and the update screen is inaccesible, or when I worry my speakers have broken and have to literally memorise my way through fixing them, because the fucking lcd display is inaccessible!
then! I go online and read book reviews and am told all about how people are providing opportunities for this minority and that minority and the other fucking minorityy!
Heck, twice today I whacked my head on open doors, because that is just how life is!
Yes, my lady loves me, (god knows why), however since she got the all clear on her last cancer scan, she's been having major anxiety attacks.
Of course I suppose we should go to the cancer support society about this but news flash! they don't like blind people, or at least the first time we attended their so called "friendly drop in" session, we were treated as if we didn't fucking exist for two hours.
Then when we were invited to a so called young people's support group, we were kicked out because my wife is over fourty, even though I'm not, and of course that didn't have anything to do with them not liking disabled people, honest!
I suppose lock down might be making this worse, however other than the odd trip to a cafe we're really not missing much, I mean it's not as if we have friends or anything social to do is it even before hand?
heck, i actually miss when more people were obeying the lockdown, because at least then it was quiet and all of the idiots and their smelly stupid fucking noisy polluting cars stayed at home and the air was nicer to breathe, heck, at that point I could walk my dog at 1 AM and find things quite peaceful.
so, how do people cope with powerlessness?
I'm feeling powerless, because literally nothing I try to change things works, and other people are bastards! feeling powerless makes me angry! obviously from the tone of this post.
I should be able to do something about how I react to things at this stage, but I don't know how.
Oh, and no, therapy isn't an option because even if we weren't still in lockdown, the UK health service only offers therapy to abuse victims who were abused by a family member.
I tried a couple of voluntary organisations, but only one did some good, and they only offer one course per person. I had 20 weeks of my 36 week course back in 2015, which was nice as well as it went, but it means I won't get anymore.
Oh and yes, I'm well aware that there are plenty of other people who are living worse lives than I am and I probably have no right to complain about any of this, but that just proves how utterly crap I am at pretty much everything! these days!
Sorry for the invective, but I admit 'm struggling at the moment, and what is worse, is my lady isn't having a great time either due to the cancer and everything else.
I could put my adverse reactions down to that, but that simply isn't true, feeling like nothing I do ever makes any difference at all and I'm powerless to change anything in my life has pretty much been a constant.
Luke.
Besides my marriage, nothing in my life works. my writing gets rejected which in turn makes me not want to write, my lady and I are still in lockdown, opportunities in performing arts don't exist for blind people in this fucking country, everything I've tried to do in this fucking dead shit hole my parents forced us to move to fails.
And on, and on!
Heck, I only need to walk into a fucking shop to have people ignore my existance, or spend 20 minutes waiting for someone to serve me (yes of course, there are lores against disability discrimination, but nobody gives a crap).
Oh and that aside from all the usual stuff I have to live with, you know like the amount of computer programs that don't work with screen readers, or when windows decides to update and the update screen is inaccesible, or when I worry my speakers have broken and have to literally memorise my way through fixing them, because the fucking lcd display is inaccessible!
then! I go online and read book reviews and am told all about how people are providing opportunities for this minority and that minority and the other fucking minorityy!
Heck, twice today I whacked my head on open doors, because that is just how life is!
Yes, my lady loves me, (god knows why), however since she got the all clear on her last cancer scan, she's been having major anxiety attacks.
Of course I suppose we should go to the cancer support society about this but news flash! they don't like blind people, or at least the first time we attended their so called "friendly drop in" session, we were treated as if we didn't fucking exist for two hours.
Then when we were invited to a so called young people's support group, we were kicked out because my wife is over fourty, even though I'm not, and of course that didn't have anything to do with them not liking disabled people, honest!
I suppose lock down might be making this worse, however other than the odd trip to a cafe we're really not missing much, I mean it's not as if we have friends or anything social to do is it even before hand?
heck, i actually miss when more people were obeying the lockdown, because at least then it was quiet and all of the idiots and their smelly stupid fucking noisy polluting cars stayed at home and the air was nicer to breathe, heck, at that point I could walk my dog at 1 AM and find things quite peaceful.
so, how do people cope with powerlessness?
I'm feeling powerless, because literally nothing I try to change things works, and other people are bastards! feeling powerless makes me angry! obviously from the tone of this post.
I should be able to do something about how I react to things at this stage, but I don't know how.
Oh, and no, therapy isn't an option because even if we weren't still in lockdown, the UK health service only offers therapy to abuse victims who were abused by a family member.
I tried a couple of voluntary organisations, but only one did some good, and they only offer one course per person. I had 20 weeks of my 36 week course back in 2015, which was nice as well as it went, but it means I won't get anymore.
Oh and yes, I'm well aware that there are plenty of other people who are living worse lives than I am and I probably have no right to complain about any of this, but that just proves how utterly crap I am at pretty much everything! these days!
Sorry for the invective, but I admit 'm struggling at the moment, and what is worse, is my lady isn't having a great time either due to the cancer and everything else.
I could put my adverse reactions down to that, but that simply isn't true, feeling like nothing I do ever makes any difference at all and I'm powerless to change anything in my life has pretty much been a constant.
Luke.