what do I do--tonight?

[fhorns]

Hey guys, I haven't been here in a while. Can't explain it right now.

I need imput on something. I was studying this afternoon for a class's final exam, and it became apparent to me suddenly that I insulate myself from my pain with studying. I have shared in past posts how it can be a little escape for me, another world even. But much change is happening in me. I am becoming more aware.

I know there are so many of you who are on tonight, so please help me here. What do I do tonight? I can't find a meeting that I'd want to share in, and it is so hard talking with all this pain. All my past escapes are going away. What could I do to face my pain, reality, or whatever tonight? It won't go away.

I'm married too. She is open and caring, but she is limited too, especially right now with her cycle AND an addict boss. She needs respite too.

Please guys, support. Truth. Reality. Respect. I need these things from those of you who are in this thing too.

Posts here are okay, but IM's would expediate this. I'll be home soon, and I really don't want to stay on my computer. It too has become an escape that doesn't "do it" anymore. I need sobriety.

Alfred

 

[Lloydy]

Alfred
It's so easy to get wrapped up, especially if we feel a bit insecure with other people and don't socialize as much as we'd maybe like to.

But you must have other interests ? If not now, then what did you do as a boy as a hobby ?
Return to them, search them out on the 'net and see if it sparks your enthusiasm again.
It doesn't matter what it is, I work with a 50 yo truck driver who collects Action Men figures, it still gives him the pleasure it did as a boy.

I know that I'd go crazy without my 4x4 to play with, and play is the right word to describe the way I 'use' my hobby. I'm like a big kid, when I'm in the workshop welding and spannering it's like having a giant Meccano set ( do you have that over there, the kids construction toy ? ) and I drive it with a grin like a child on their first three wheeled bike !

Collect stamps, play chess, learn to play the guitar, paint and draw; whatever it is allow your childhood enthusiasm to drive it along.

Dave

 

[survive75]

Hey there... that must be a terrifying feeling, to have your escapes that you've counted on seem to not hold the same power they once did to drown out the other stuff.

Here's an exercise my therapist has made me do a few times... don't know if it'll help, but it's worth a shot. Try and write a sort of play where all the "parts" of yourself come to a table and each gets a turn to speak. Go around the table and let each one talk (either in your head, or she had me do it just in writing) about what they want and why. This way, you don't have to talk through the pain as one person, and you don't have to talk in public. Also, it helps to sort out the din of all the voices - part of you wants to escape, part of you wants to reach out for help, etc. It took me a little practice, but eventually I was able to write a few.

PM me if you need to. I'll be here off and on tonight.

-Sean