What can I expect on this journey?

[Deb]

Hi. I'm new here and am just beginning to try to figure this out. I am married to a wonderful man, for 2-1/2 years. I knew he had SA in his childhood, but did not know the extent until just recently. Up until 3 months ago we have had a long distance relationship. We are together now and the tension is consistantly high. It seems to stem from my anger at him. I knew he liked pornography. I don't, in general, have a problem with that. But it seems like it is a drug for him. Like he needs to have it daily, at the least. He tells me this is a reaction to what happened to him in his past and is not a reflection on me or our relationship and that I shouldn't feel threatened. Does this sound right? I am just starting to research, so I don't know. Still, I get angry and hurt, because he tries to hide this from me or looks at it while I am downstairs cleaning or sleeping in the next room. I am questioning my trust in him. The closeness that we've had in the past is not there anymore. I am off to find some books and am looking into therapy for me. I feel like he needs therapy as well, but it is not for me to send him. He should find it on his own. Again, does that sound right to anyone? I just don't want to cause more damage. Anyway, thanks for any responses and for letting me vent a little. I feel awfully alone in this and terribly inexperienced. I love this man more than anything, but the past several months have been draining. Any advice is appreciated.

Thanks

 

[JamesMichael]

Dear Deb,

You're on the right track with the therapy for yourself and the reading. I recommend Abused Boys by Mic Hunter. It's easy to read and hits everything pertinent about male SA. Click on the Bookstore on the homepage. Many good suggestions there too. You can expect a lot of support here. Your husband is fortunate to have you.

JamesMichael

 

[Freedom]

Deb,

Praying, reading, and trying to understand this issue is what has helped me. Dealing with SA makes for a very unpredictable world. It helps to have some place to bounce ideas off and have an occasional sanity check. This is a good place with some very incredible people.

Hang in there, this will take a while. I found education and community support (like this one) helps a lot.

Freedom.

 

[Lloydy]

Deb
I've just written a post on the Male Survivors forum to Sarah in reply to her post "Help Me"

I don't want you to think that's the "one answer fits all" post, but I would say the same things to you.

Everything you've experienced so far is typical victim, as far as we can be "typical" and the posts from James and Freedom mirror what I would say as well.

Be strong
Lloydy