What are the key books to read?

[Sonata1]

Hi all,

Looking for recommendations (and hope I'm on the right board for this). My abuse was in the 3-5 range and I have only partial memories. Gonna find a T to work no that, but also wanting to read. The booklist on the site is huge and I'm wanting suggestions. Care to give me your top coupla books and why you think they're good?

Thanks so much

Sonata

 

[C. E.]

I've read a lot of the books, especially Mike Lew's which seems to top every list for this topic. But honestly, the best book for me was a fictional piece by Scott Campbell called Touched (please do NOT confuse with the same title by Jerry Sandusky). The caveat is that it resonated with me because the main character's age and experiences were so similar to mine - so it may not be similarly affecting for other readers.

So on one hand you have the professorial books like Lew's that examine the problem and suggest therapeutic approaches, and on the other hand you have a book like Campbell's that let you share another person's journey. I walked away from Touched with greater insights than any other book.

It is a difficult book to read, because the journey is told through the eyes of not only Robbie (the victim), but his parents and his molester. In so doing, it opened my eyes to different perspectives and expanded the tapestry of what I had allowed myself to see previously. The greatest leaps in my own healing have been when I looked beyond my "coined" gut responses, when I looked at the situation in an unabashed and dispassionately honest lens. Truly objective perspective is perhaps never possible, but the limited consignments of my prior judgments never allowed me to move forward. They catered only to my immediate emotional needs, but never allowed me to truly grow beyond the abuse. This book makes no judgments - it just shows the patterns of thought and behavior that drove every character. In so doing, it is eye-opening. And opening my eyes has been everything.

 

[Obi]

Victims no longer by mike lew. Very good but also very triggering. Recommend it highly, but read it in spurts.

 

[Sonata1]

Thanks. I've ordered Lew (original version -- hope the update is not a huge change). My abuse was early -- before 5 so I'm guessing Touched would be less relevant to me. Though I hear what you are saying about seeing things from multiple perspectives. Open to more suggestions, esp as it might relate to young abuse.

 

[SurvivingMe]

Sonata:

When I started dealing with my CSA issues earlier this year, I immersed myself in reading everything I could find on the internet and in books for the better part of 3 months. Here are the books I found most helpful in no particular order:

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew
Beyond Betrayal by Richard Gartner
Abused Boys by Mic Hunter

All of these were extremely helpful in allowing me to gain a solid knowledge base of the issues involved, as well as allowed me to gain some perspectives on my own personal history and current situation. In some ways, for the first time in over 40 years, I was able to make sense of many aspects of my life that had not made sense before (ie, not the abuse itself, but the effects of the abuse). Over the last few months, I've returned to re-read a section or two from each of these books regularly -- at least weekly. As I get further on my journey, I find that the information and insights in the books take on new (or deeper) meaning.

I do not think I am exaggerating when I say that reading these books early on allowed me to begin this healing process from a much better position than I would have been in without them.

The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz is another that I've read. Although much of the content of this book was not applicable to my personal situation, I did find some things in it helpful. (I don't recommend it as highly as the others simply because I wasn't exactly the target audience for the book. Others may find it more helpful).

Hope that helps --
SM

 

[Sonata1]

SurvivingMe

Thanks. I've ordered VNL, and Beyond Betrayal
Also got Nice to Meet Me by Chris Carlton, and Trauma & Recovery by Judith Herman. Two people have mentioned Abused Boys so maybe I need to take a look at that. But I think 4 books is enough to start.

I forget which one of these supposedly has a good section on EMDR, which I think I need so I'm waiting to dig into it. I'm out a lot of nights and all weekend the next few so I'm curious when I'll have time to read, but I will.

Appreciate the pointers.

Erik

 

[unhappycamper]

Besides the books mentioned above, I found "I Can't Get Over It" by therapist Aphrodite Matsakis [her real name!] to be very helpful.

The finale of Scott Campbell's "Touched" turned my stomach. It seemed to me that the author tried to evoke sympathy for the perpetrator--maybe in a misguided effort to be even-handed.

John