Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
Well this is about me, my story, I guess. Possible *triggers*
- Thread starterStefan012
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Stefan012
Registrant
I just had a really bad panicattack/flashback at school.. I hadn't been going to school last week so today was like, first day back again.
I don't even know what triggered it... I don't remember what the flashback was about either.
It was in the middle of the hall, we were walking to the next class... I hadn't been able to pay attention to class or to anyone really so far.
I just know that I had a flashback, followed by a panicattack... I was like 'away' for a bit I don't know how to explain it, but I don't remember a part that's for sure.
According to my friends I like sank to the floor and started to breath weird, and shivering really bad, eyes rolled away that must have been freaky to see.
I only know that when I was like, back, i was sitting on the floor against the wall, hugging myself, still shivering and breathing wrong a bit..
A teacher talking to me but not understanding a word of it.
Rest of the students were send away thankfully so I wasn't a total monkey in the zoo.
Teacher and a few friends bringing me to a teachersoffice, giving me some water to drink.
They still talking I'm still not really understanding it/listening to them.
So when I calmed down some my friends brought me 'home'.
Well, at least now I'm sure they think i'm a freak, the rest of the students, not my friends.
sigh... o well.
Stefan
I don't even know what triggered it... I don't remember what the flashback was about either.
It was in the middle of the hall, we were walking to the next class... I hadn't been able to pay attention to class or to anyone really so far.
I just know that I had a flashback, followed by a panicattack... I was like 'away' for a bit I don't know how to explain it, but I don't remember a part that's for sure.
According to my friends I like sank to the floor and started to breath weird, and shivering really bad, eyes rolled away that must have been freaky to see.
I only know that when I was like, back, i was sitting on the floor against the wall, hugging myself, still shivering and breathing wrong a bit..
A teacher talking to me but not understanding a word of it.
Rest of the students were send away thankfully so I wasn't a total monkey in the zoo.
Teacher and a few friends bringing me to a teachersoffice, giving me some water to drink.
They still talking I'm still not really understanding it/listening to them.
So when I calmed down some my friends brought me 'home'.
Well, at least now I'm sure they think i'm a freak, the rest of the students, not my friends.
sigh... o well.
Stefan
Stefan,
As you may have read in a past post of mine, I had a bad FB in front of a customer (a major university Dean). I tell you this so that you realize, I know the pain you going through with regard to the scene where it happened. I felt awful about it, but am getting better having realized that I went through something THEY will never understand. My customer, your schoolmates, the teachers..none of them will ever know what you or I went through. They no nothing of what they just saw either. If they judge what they don't understand..then to hell with them. (I know..not easy to say in school)
I assure you, it was worse in your own mind than for the few who saw. I know school kids can be really cruel at times like this...but do give this a chance. You may find that there are no negative results. You may even find some positive results. I'm so happy to hear you say that you have friends there who could take you home.
And you have a BUNCH of people here who think the world of you!
As you may have read in a past post of mine, I had a bad FB in front of a customer (a major university Dean). I tell you this so that you realize, I know the pain you going through with regard to the scene where it happened. I felt awful about it, but am getting better having realized that I went through something THEY will never understand. My customer, your schoolmates, the teachers..none of them will ever know what you or I went through. They no nothing of what they just saw either. If they judge what they don't understand..then to hell with them. (I know..not easy to say in school)
I assure you, it was worse in your own mind than for the few who saw. I know school kids can be really cruel at times like this...but do give this a chance. You may find that there are no negative results. You may even find some positive results. I'm so happy to hear you say that you have friends there who could take you home.
And you have a BUNCH of people here who think the world of you!
That's the truth, Friend, and I have a hunch your closer friends will cut you some slack on this and that they care about you as well. If not they wouldn't have stuck with you and made sure you got home.
Lots of love,
John
roadrunner
Registrant
Stefan,
These things do happen sometime, and there's nothing you can do about that. Just try to avoid getting down on yourself about it. The flashbacks show you are still under a lot of stress, and who could blame you for that?
Remember also that our anxiety about what people know and think can make us blow the real situation all out of proportion. Your friends will hang with you, Stefan, and for the others this will probably be an incident that will be forgotten about in a few days.
Much love,
Larry
These things do happen sometime, and there's nothing you can do about that. Just try to avoid getting down on yourself about it. The flashbacks show you are still under a lot of stress, and who could blame you for that?
Remember also that our anxiety about what people know and think can make us blow the real situation all out of proportion. Your friends will hang with you, Stefan, and for the others this will probably be an incident that will be forgotten about in a few days.
Much love,
Larry
Stefan012
Registrant
I doubt they'll forget.. but I guess I gotta try to not mind so much.. I can try..
It isn't even the first time I freaked out at school, just up until now I could mostly get away from everyone, like I could go to a toilet before it got huge.
So I don't know... I guess I'm afraid I will keep getting panicattacks in places like this. Cause like I said, it wasn't the first time.
I just hate this.
Thanks for the replies everyone.
Stefan
It isn't even the first time I freaked out at school, just up until now I could mostly get away from everyone, like I could go to a toilet before it got huge.
So I don't know... I guess I'm afraid I will keep getting panicattacks in places like this. Cause like I said, it wasn't the first time.
I just hate this.
Thanks for the replies everyone.
Stefan
i had a few panic attacks to the point where i hypervenlated....and passed out.....a couple at school when i was young and in school.........no one knew why.this happened.............i didnt know why.........they just carried me to the nurses station........i came out of it....went on my way.....had one at work...same way...long time ago....
Hey little Brother, School sucks.. I know, I know it doesn't help right now but the older you get the more they'll understand, hang in there bro. Flash backs are hard and it seems like no one gets it, but WE all get it. We know the embarrassment, and with us it's nothing to be embarrassed about, kids don't understand so they make up stories to make themselves feel better about what they don't get. Sucks now, but it will make sense to them later and then they'll feel bad about being so nasty. It's adult problems your dealing with so don't expect them to act like adults. I promise you, you'll get all the understanding you need when you get past them, again not fair right now, but hold on little brother. Were here, and we understand completely. You have been forced to deal with this before you were ready. No one wants to be an adult before they have to be and your handling it better than most would. I'll be praying for you little brother. Hang in there.
Mike
Mike
roadrunner
Registrant
Stefan,
Do you have cool fun things you can focus on in your spare time? That helped me a lot. I was doing too much brooding and worrying, and as my stress level went up that just set me up for more difficulty.
The problem is that as we get more and more centered on our abuse problems, they become the defining reality of our lives and everything else seems to be just "in between". If possible, it's important to break out of that.
My solution was to join a blues group just to pick and slide away and keep myself focused on something I really enjoy. Even practicing by myself helped a lot.
Much love,
Larry
Stefan012 said:
Do you have cool fun things you can focus on in your spare time? That helped me a lot. I was doing too much brooding and worrying, and as my stress level went up that just set me up for more difficulty.
The problem is that as we get more and more centered on our abuse problems, they become the defining reality of our lives and everything else seems to be just "in between". If possible, it's important to break out of that.
My solution was to join a blues group just to pick and slide away and keep myself focused on something I really enjoy. Even practicing by myself helped a lot.
Much love,
Larry
roadrunner
Registrant
Stefan,
Yeah, I know what you mean. How about something you can do by yourself for awhile? A musical instrument, painting, writing poetry? Or how about cycling? There are some great routes in the Netherlands, but you already know that.
The idea is just to do something with yourself and not sit alone and thinking about things too much. I know it's hard to focus on anything right now, but it might help you a lot.
Much love,
Larry
Yeah, I know what you mean. How about something you can do by yourself for awhile? A musical instrument, painting, writing poetry? Or how about cycling? There are some great routes in the Netherlands, but you already know that.
The idea is just to do something with yourself and not sit alone and thinking about things too much. I know it's hard to focus on anything right now, but it might help you a lot.
Much love,
Larry
Stefan012
Registrant
So we finally got back the ruling on my father's case (against the physicall violence).
He's getting 21 months in prison and then a year 'conditional', i hope that is the right word. Meaning that he will not be in jail, but if in that year he does anything again he will go right back to jail again.
I'm glad it's now really finally and completely over.
Stefan
He's getting 21 months in prison and then a year 'conditional', i hope that is the right word. Meaning that he will not be in jail, but if in that year he does anything again he will go right back to jail again.
I'm glad it's now really finally and completely over.
Stefan
roadrunner
Registrant
Stefan,
I'm glad you got some closure on this. A term of 21 months seems like nothing for phyical violence against his own son, but what you DO get is public and official recognition that this happened and that it was wrong. He's got all the blame for he did, and I hope you will let him keep it, bro. Stay strong.
Much love,
Larry
I'm glad you got some closure on this. A term of 21 months seems like nothing for phyical violence against his own son, but what you DO get is public and official recognition that this happened and that it was wrong. He's got all the blame for he did, and I hope you will let him keep it, bro. Stay strong.
Much love,
Larry