wel.. this is my story I guess

wel.. this is my story I guess
Alexander

Alexander

Registrant
Just found this board, and thought it be nice to introduce myself.
Something else, in the survivor story section i can only see two threads? The read this before you post and the if your considering suicide ones?
Anyway.

I'm 15 and I'm from The Netherlands.
I don't really how to write this or where to start so i just will begin writing.
I was 9 when i was first r&ped by a friend of my parents. At the time i didn't really understand what was going on though. When I was 12 there were these info lessons at school, like about gambling, drugs & alcohol etc, but also about different kinds of abuse, and I was like 'ohhh... That's me!'.
I found the courage to tell my dad but he didn't believe me and started shouting at me and he beat me up.
As my parents were never home the friend could come and do as he pleased whenever he wanted.
This has been going on until last june, when I finally told school. That was only after he started bringing someone with him and beat me up pretty bad and school noticed that and started asking questions.
They brought me to the hospital and then the whole social work circus started. It seemed like about everyone wanted something from me.
My dad visited me in the hospital but ended up yelling at me and he told me 'don't think we want you anymore now, you're just an attention seeker'.
That's the last I've seen or heard from my parents and so now after I left the hospital I have been in fostercare.
The friend had been caught and put in jail pretty quickly, but the 2nd one was still out there. He broke into the 1st house I lived but someone came home wich prevented him from doing something. Unfortunately at my last adress he found me again, attacked me after school, r*ped me again and left me with a broken wrist, ribs, a hole in my head and a lot of bruises.
That was about a month ago now.
Thankfully he's finally in jail now too.
But I'm not looking forward to the trial, of course.

Well, that's most of me, but feel free to ask questions if you want.

Alexander
 
Alexander, Always hard to be the first one to reply to a new person. First of all, welcome. We're always glad when someone finds us, and always sorry that he needed to. Of course, it hurts us to read stories like yours because we understand them only too well, but appreciate that you can share your story, because we know how important that is to healing. My story has very little violence conntected with it, so I am always appalled when someone has had to go through the violence that you have had to experience. I suppose, since I was sexually abused that I have sort of an understanding of what that's all about, but the violence is something quite foreign to me, and the pictures that I have in my mind as I read are dreadful.

The bottom line is that I'm so sorry that all of this has happened to you, and so sorry that your father has reacted in the way that he has. You will find understanding here. You will also find here men who have had experiences very similar to your own. One of the things that surprised me most was that the men here understood completely how I felt. No matter what the abuse, it seems that the affect is such that we share an amazing understanding of one another.

I'm so glad that your perpetrators are in jail. Several here have gone through trials such as the one you are facing. I'm sure they'll be glad to help you as much as they can.

Again, I'm so sorry, Alexander. Welcome. This is a place of healing.

Bobby
 
Hey Alexander, welcome.
Nice to meet you.
Sorry you have to be here, but it's a great place to be. My father blamed me too, and yelled and hit, etc. So I know how it feels.
Jay
 
Alexander - Welcome to the site. I think you will find some good support from the guys! Since you are under 18, we have a Mod Buddy Program here for you to assist you on the site. Please Private Mail me and I'll tell you more about it!

Howard (ScottyTodd)
 
Alex,

welcome, you sound like you are in a mess, but things will get better, and even telling someone who cares is good.

Guys here will support you,

ste
 
Thanks for replying everyone!

Alexander
 
alexander so sorry for what you have been through...reading this brings tears to my eyes...how can people be such as- holes...i am so glad for you that you have found this site...
 
Again, thanks for replying.
Right now it's still all a chaos to me, since it's all pretty recent still and there are still so many changes all the time. Like changing homes wich also means changing school, 'counselor', etc.
Lot's of feelings, making my head a chaos too, switching back and forth between feeling nothing, just numb and then a lot of feelings at the same time.
And of course there are the triggers, flashbacks, panicattacks, nightmares, insomnia, not being able to feel safe even though now I can since they're in jail and all.
But yeah.. it ain't that easy i guess.
Anyway, thanks for replying.

Alexander
 
Alexander,

There are so many things about abuse that adults can't understand, so don't judge yourself for all the feelings you have crashing around in your head. That's to be expected. Just remember that YOU as Alexander, are okay; it's what was done to you that's fucked up.

I hope you will feel able to talk here on the site. There's a great bunch of guys here and the mods keep the site safe for us. Whatever is on your mind, just let it out. Talking helps a LOT.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hey Alexander,
i was abducted and raped when i was about 8 years old.The tools I used to cope were baseball,work,drugs,drinking,anger,sex,gambling and many other "things".I choose not to let them things control me any more.The power of choice was stolen from us.... take it back.....But you have made it this far and your not alone.

fight the good fight
Julian
 
thanks.

Gonna move again next week. sigh.
 
hi Alexander, nice to "meet" you!
 
Welcome Alexander.

From an Alexander in Los Angeles. You have taken one of the first steps on a vital road to taking your life back. Keep going. We're always here.

Alex
 
Alexander,

I hope things settle down for you soon. It's important to feel stable and safe at home, but it's so soon after the prosecution of the abusers, and well, it was even more important to get away from them.

It's rough if your parents can't or won't give you the support and love you need, but still, if that's the case and you are getting beaten at home then the authorities have to help you find other arrangements and that can get complicated.

Just remember that there are good people "out there" doing their best to help you. Do you have a case worker who stays in contact with you, for example? If you find you are being moved around too much, tell him/her how you feel. They will probably respond by telling you that sometimes they have to place a guy with people who can only take kids on an emergency basis.

Much love,
Larry
 
To answer your questions, Roadrunner,

It's not that my parents hit me, but they just told me they didn't want me anymore. And they sticked with it.
Yes, I have a caseworker. I've told her I didn't like it much, but there's really nothing she or I can do about the moving around. I'll just have to be patient and wait until there's a permanent place for me.

Thanks everyone.

Alexander
 
Alexander,

That's more or less what I thought. There was a need to get you into a safe home immediately, but the people where you are now cannot offer you a permanent place. The system can't always offer the services a guy needs as fast as he needs them.

What's important here is that you understand - and believe (they aren't the same thing) - that you aren't being rejected by anyone. The authorities are doing what they can to give you what you need, but it will just take some time.

And good for you for communicating how you feel to your caseworker. She's there to help, so I hope you will continue to talk to her.

Much love,
Larry
 
Alexander,

Just want to add my own word of support to those who've already spoken.

Try to keep up your courage, guy, and remember, even tho you don't know us well, we're here to offer you what support we can here on the web. Anytime you need encouragement, just stop by and give us a shout. We care. Plain and simple. Why? Because in one way or another every one of us have experienced what you have. We remember how painful it was and we want to offer you and others at least some care that we never received.

Lots of love,

John
 
So, moved tuesday.
The kids are alright, don't know what to think of the 'fosterparents' though, but hey.
It's only for a couple of weeks anyway.

Alexander
 
Alexander,

Thanks for the update. I hope you are feeling okay about all these changes. If you feel you can answer, I'd like to ask you what's bothering you about your new foster parents?

Much love,
Larry
 
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