Weird Symptoms you blame on CSA... (trigger warnings)
Weird Symptoms you blame on CSA... (trigger warnings)
- Thread starterNC-Survivor
- Start date
I scored 5, but would have scored higher if it wasn't for the specification of persons at least 4 years older than me. I was bullied not only by my peers, but by high schoolers slightly older than me...and even kids younger than me, I was such a target, so the 4 year criteria skews the results a little.
anything 4 and over is really bad!
It definitely was really bad, that’s for sure!
Mine was 8 as I said, no one went to prison or committed suicide; but yes to everything else. You know, I thought that I had a relatively good childhood. With nothing to compare it to, how would you know? I would tell my therapist that my childhood wasn’t as bad as my parents childhood. He told me to stop comparing, it didn’t matter.
My mother, stepfather and two older step brother have all passed away. Cancer claimed my parents and oldest step brother within one year about 10 years ago. My second stepbrother was murdered about 20 years ago.
I remember going to elementary school dirty or with dirty clothes. I didn’t really think much of it until this test. Mom was a screamer and threw stuff; stepdad liked to provoke us into arguments. You know, you could never formulate the correct answer to appease him. Whatever you said was wrong. My stepdad molested me and did some very cruel abuse.
My two older stepbrothers were drug addicts. The oldest molested me, I don’t remember though my aunt told be about it. I have my old report cards and my grades went in the garbage during this time.
I think what saved my children is the fact that I am rather submissive (my doctor says emasculated).
You’re probably wondering about my biological father, I didn’t really have a relationship until I was an adult. My mother told me so many lies about him. Many I of which I found out the truth after they died and I found court documents. There is still a barrier betweem him and I. I find it hard to trust him and I don’t think I will ever tell him about the abuse.
My mother, stepfather and two older step brother have all passed away. Cancer claimed my parents and oldest step brother within one year about 10 years ago. My second stepbrother was murdered about 20 years ago.
I remember going to elementary school dirty or with dirty clothes. I didn’t really think much of it until this test. Mom was a screamer and threw stuff; stepdad liked to provoke us into arguments. You know, you could never formulate the correct answer to appease him. Whatever you said was wrong. My stepdad molested me and did some very cruel abuse.
My two older stepbrothers were drug addicts. The oldest molested me, I don’t remember though my aunt told be about it. I have my old report cards and my grades went in the garbage during this time.
I think what saved my children is the fact that I am rather submissive (my doctor says emasculated).
You’re probably wondering about my biological father, I didn’t really have a relationship until I was an adult. My mother told me so many lies about him. Many I of which I found out the truth after they died and I found court documents. There is still a barrier betweem him and I. I find it hard to trust him and I don’t think I will ever tell him about the abuse.
⚠Trigger warning⚠
Symptom #9 - I am ALWAYS quiet during sex. I am never tempted to make a sound. Wife always thought that was weird. I do too. no idea why.
Symptom #9 - I am ALWAYS quiet during sex. I am never tempted to make a sound. Wife always thought that was weird. I do too. no idea why.
For me I think that was rooted in the secrecy I was groomed and trained in. As the Perp memories and shame have been shed from me I have found my sounds and it is great!
LOL - good to know. Sadly, I am now in a sexless marriage.
Okay, I never thought of that. I make no sound either. Quiet and self conscious about it... hmm wonder why?
10) It freaks me out to have hair in my face (for obvious reasons - Perp-father's favorite method was forced oral) -- This has made it difficult to snuggle with my wife, spooning, i would have to tilt my head back to keep her hair out of my face.
me too
Trigger warning:
Do You ever feel like you have to do things sexually so you don’t have to do other things sexually that you don’t want to do?
It’s been a while since I’ve really thought about this. The last couple of therapist have encouraged me to have sex when I don’t want to. I’ve been doing that for quite a while. Like from the beginning of the marriage. There is a verse Christians use to ‘promote sexual intimacy’ in marriage (actually it’s used to coerce wives into putting out)
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
I hate the pressure to perform. Especially since I have to think of guys to do it. I’m on viagra and cialis. But when I try to remain present in mind during sex I don’t get an erection even on meds. It’s just easier to do oral and be done with it. I haven’t had an orgasm during sex for a few years.
To be honest it still feels like I do crap I don’t want to do sexually like I did then even now.
I’ll probably delete this post after a little while. If my wife found out what’s truly in my head it wouldn’t be good. Probably shouldn’t post it to begin with, but I’m going to hit the button anyway
Edit: I think I’m very depressed at the moment. Probably why I opened up about it. Hating life....
Do You ever feel like you have to do things sexually so you don’t have to do other things sexually that you don’t want to do?
It’s been a while since I’ve really thought about this. The last couple of therapist have encouraged me to have sex when I don’t want to. I’ve been doing that for quite a while. Like from the beginning of the marriage. There is a verse Christians use to ‘promote sexual intimacy’ in marriage (actually it’s used to coerce wives into putting out)
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
I hate the pressure to perform. Especially since I have to think of guys to do it. I’m on viagra and cialis. But when I try to remain present in mind during sex I don’t get an erection even on meds. It’s just easier to do oral and be done with it. I haven’t had an orgasm during sex for a few years.
To be honest it still feels like I do crap I don’t want to do sexually like I did then even now.
I’ll probably delete this post after a little while. If my wife found out what’s truly in my head it wouldn’t be good. Probably shouldn’t post it to begin with, but I’m going to hit the button anyway
Edit: I think I’m very depressed at the moment. Probably why I opened up about it. Hating life....
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I’m sorry you are going through that!@SDD757 - you need a newer translation- - sorry you are going through that. I have a 15-year sexless marriage. so... "grass is always greener..."
11) my cats have learned early on: never touch daddy's legs when he is sleeping! I have kicked them across the room before (still sleeping)! then I would be woken up by the sound of scared, flying cats!
I've been seeing a counselor for a few months, and I started to realize that the same "leakage" was happening to me. After I shared with the first few friends - not even explicitly - about my abuse - I realized AFTER that i had a stain down there that was visible. A few counseling sessions in, I realized it was happening often, and I began wearing 3 or 4 pairs of underwear to cover it up. 6 months later, it still happens, to varying degrees. It's one of the most troubling things for me. Now I'll occasionally get a partial erection depending how detailed I discuss, but it almost always has pre-fluid if I discuss the aspects of the abuse for even a few minutes. I hate it. But you are not alone, as I've seen others like Bluesky mention on here. It's troubling for me personally because it seems like I'm getting some kind of pleasure out of thinking about something so wrong and horrible, but I know it's a physical response to something distorted and evil that should never have happened. It was really encouraging to hear others have this happen, as uncomfortable and weird it may seem to share. so thank you for your honesty,
BG
On a practical note, there is nothing wrong with a guy putting a pad or liner down there. I had a stent in my ureter for several months that caused leakage and urgency. They sell them for men also, but there were pads readily available in our bathroom...
unhappycamper
Registrant
TRIGGERS, of course: The smell of booze breath freaks me out way worse than other kinds of bad breath. It's one thing I've never forgotten about the perp. Also, I don't like having my face covered, e.g., by water or even just a cloth. Perp tried to smother me with a pillow.
