Webinar of Recovery: “Empowering Male Survivors to Hold Abusers Accountable”

brother2none

Staff member
MaleSurvivor announces it’s latest Webinar of Recovery, “Empowering Male Survivors to Hold Abusers Accountable”, on Tuesday, May 26, 2020 at 7pm ET. The keynote panelist is Gregory Gianforcaro, an attorney who specializes in representing childhood sexual abuse survivors.

The central theme of the webinar is on empowering survivors through the legal process to hold their abusers accountable for their abusive, criminal and tortious actions against survivors. The hour-long webinar is free and is intended for male survivors of childhood and adult sexual abuse and their loved ones, counseling and treatment professionals, legal and law enforcement professionals. This topic has been the MOST requested webinar topic by far by our community.

Attendees will be able to submit questions to the panelists, respond to interactive polls, and share in a sense of community with other survivors. Discussion and questioning will extend to personal experiences shared by panelists who have taken legal action and non-traditional steps to hold perpetrators accountable for their actions.

Gianforcaro was raised in Mendham NJ and whose parish priest abused a number of his personal friends. Greg has represented hundreds of male survivors in civil cases. His law firm website is https://www.gianforcarolaw.com/ . For many MaleSurvivor members, Greg is like family, has attended and presented at MaleSurvivor International Conferences. He has represented MaleSurvivor interests in court legal proceedings as a friend of the court.

Advance registration is required by visiting this event page on the MaleSurvivor.org website and find the registration URL:
https://malesurvivor.org/event/empowering-male-survivors-to-hold-abusers-accountable/

(Note to Mods: please do not post the direct registration URL in this thread, thanks :))

The Webinar of Recovery series is funded by individual volunteer donations to the #MS25Thrive campaign. The Webinars and International Conferences Initiative directly funds the development and expenses of webinars like this one. Donations are accepted at https://donations.malesurvivor.org/campaign/25-thrive/c281980 . A valid email address is needed to register. You will receive an email confirmation after registering and reminder emails prior to the webinar.
 
Just registered!

I have utterly forced myself to hold several of my abusers accountable. In each case it was a very terrifying and painful experience. But, it needed to be done. It is part of my self-care and recovery. I am much safer now because of my self-advocacy.
 

brother2none

Staff member
Fantastic Larry, please share some more if you are able, by sharing our stories of holding abusers accountable it demystifies the process for others. When you use words like terrifying and painful, most would run from that experience, but you did it, and there are lasting benefits to be gained. My question would be how are you much safer now? Can you explain that a little more. Thanks and congratulations.
 
CSA age 4. They broke my little boy balls. They broke my little boy dick. They were well respected and liked in the community, family, and church. I was just a little boy they broke. I was no one. The first time I remember holding them accountable was when I was 4ish. I went to sit on his lap and he burned me with a cigarette. I cried out so loud everyone heard it. I ran away from him. At that point, my little boy heart turned to stone. I began numbing out and becoming dissociative during the sexual abuse but now it became much more severe and it became permanent. My little boy thinking had become pretzeled. I never went near him again for comfort or a loving embrace. The woman did not even try to comfort me or check the burn wound. I never went near her again either. Why go to someone for something they don't have and can't possibly give me? Love, comfort, safety, peace... It was terrifying to me to run away from them every time they came near but I had to if I was to survive. I held them accountable in my own little boy way and meted out my little boy judgments against them. That little boy stopped the sexual abuse. They never sexually abused me again. I became significantly safer at that point. I learned I could make a significant improvement in my own personal safety.

Did you know that Brahma Kamal (Saussurea Obvallata) is a flower that blooms only in the night?

As I grew my behavior became more and more erratic which made it virtually impossible for me to make friends. I became more and more isolated. My physical body began to break down. My immune system was shot to hell so I got sick a lot. I was terrified of being around adults and children. During high school I joined the Navy. I could not articulate it very well but I knew I had to get away fast or I would kill them or they would kill me to keep the sexual abuse a secret. The numbing and dissociation remained permanent. Many years after being discharged from the Navy I returned to see my sexual abusers. It was time to confront them. I was terrified. I had tested some people to see how they would respond at my disclosure that they had sexually abused me. None of them believed me. They railed against me saying there was no proof it happened. They turned against me and surrounded my abusers to protect them. The numbing and dissociation became so severe I lost my emotions. I couldn't cry or laugh anymore. My physical body became desperately numb. It seemed as though I was floating around over my own body. How does that make sense? I wasn't a four year old little boy anymore. I was a grown ass man. When I got to their house I found her totally eaten up with brittle diabetes, coronary artery disease, and stoned out of her ever loving gourd with Valium/Vodka cocktails. I stared at her with my PTSD firing off worse than the Tet Offensive did in Vietnam. She was already being held accountable for the sexual abuse she raged against my little body. Her body and mind were now exacting judgment. I had to leave their house fast for my own safety. It wasn't until years later after her death was I able to hold him accountable for what he did to me. He never admitted to it. He just said that he hopes Jesus forgives - us - all for our sins. He died a horribly painful death from lung and brain cancer months later.

There are more details but I am too exhausted to post them now. I need to rest for awhile. I will answer questions later.
 
Accountability comes in all shapes, forms, and sizes. It's one big crap shoot. I try one approach. If it works fine. If it doesn't I'll try another way. I remind myself daily that I held them accountable in my own way with the intellect, understanding, and fortitude I had at the time. In those days there was no 800# to call or organizations to help. In my own way I stood up to them. Their bodies and minds turned on them and exacted a far more painful retribution than I could have inflicted on them. How am I safer? I took those lessons from my CSA age 4 and generalized them into the rest of my life. I learned how to fight for myself. I learned self-advocacy skills that I have used with other abusers (verbal, emotional, financial) who came along in life. I went toe-to-toe with one in court and prevailed. I have told many right to their face. I am safer because I turned my terror into a weapon of determination and self preservation.

In today's world:
How would I personally hold someone accountable? I would seek the help of an attorney. I would seek the help of law enforcement agencies. I would file a police report of the abuse. I would take them to criminal court. Then, I would take them to Civil court and sue for monetary damages. I have turned my self hate and anger back onto the abusers. I am now in the process of filing legal actions against an abuser. I am collecting witness statements, evidence, and prepping to hire an attorney. I am now in mediation with her. If she doesn't self correct I will go all out in a court of law. I have completely separated myself from her permanently.
 
How am I safer now as the result of holding the CSA age 4 sexual abusers and other abusers accountable? I now know how to stop abuse at the moment it starts. I now know how to deal with potential abusers in a way that makes them fearful of me instead of me being fearful of them. I now know how to fearlessly rid my life of toxic relationships and acquaintances. I now have the personality of a porcupine in a foul mood when it comes to abuse. F*!&$ with me and the porcupine will come out!
 
My first webinar! How fitting it will be on self advocacy and holding abusers accountable. I've spent my life teaching others how to
grow a pair of Big Brass ... Self Advocacy. Now, it's my turn. I just hope my computer skills are up to it. MS is truly amazing!
 
My first webinar! How fitting it will be on self advocacy and holding abusers accountable. I've spent my life teaching others how to
grow a pair of Big Brass ... Self Advocacy. Now, it's my turn. I just hope my computer skills are up to it. MS is truly amazing!
make sure you register so you can get the Zoom link
 
Thanks for the reminder. I am registered and have the link and password. I don't have a camera on my computer so I hope I can still watch and listen.
 

BDD

Registrant
@betrayed boy and @NC-Survivor ...my poor reading skills strike again!
Tonight there is a zoom of "WoR: Men Too: unspoken truths about male sexual abuse"
The facebook event is here

Double LOL...it's the next post down below this one.


Thank you!
 
Top