Harry,
You have been to hell, your making your way back, it is unquestionably one of the toughest journies you will ever have to make in your life, living on that edge not knowing how long you can keep it up is a nightmare, my heart goes out to you, your not alone, your not the first and unfortunately you probably wont be the last either.
I have gone from making it month to month, to year to year, to day to day, to minute to minute and at time have counted off the seconds, dig deep, find the strength, we are all in it together and we are all puling for you.
If you wanna e mail some, mine is
[email protected] i would be happy to, all you really have to do right now is keep talking and the rest will fall into place on its own, so keep talking and keep breathing, ok?
as for being scared, if nothing else take some comfort in the fact that it is exactly the right feeling for the circumstances and know that it is good your feeling it and good your concerned about the possible icky outcome, that means your aware of your self and your feelings and you are at the very least taking steps unconsiously to get yourself in a better place, your doing good, honest, those are all good signs.
Hang tough, it will get better, i know it will.
Safe hugs to ya,
John
[ 05-21-2001: Message edited by: SoCalJohn ]