We have lift off
MrDon
Registrant
Think liftoff has taken place.... let me explain!
A couple of weeks ago I was about ready to say fuck life, and the hell with everything. In fact, I came pretty damn close to it. I couldn't go any further and then the migraine headache just about did me in beyond return....
Ok.... so a lot has been going on with me since then... and a little too rapid at times...
Since my mom's death in January, my life hasn't been the same. It has totally changed my outlook on life and made me see things that I didn't really think I would ever see. I have been opened/awakened to things that I didn't think I would ever take a look at. That one event is a major piviotal point in my life.
Ok,,, so on we go now
I've been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out where my place is in life. Lately, I have felt like I am drifting along aimlessly with no specific end point in mind. I really hate that. It may be fine for some time, but it is getting rather old now. So I have been trying to ask myself some hard questions. It is amazing the answers I get as well (and people around me have to wonder at times when I talk to myself). Plus the job situation where people seem to go more than they come here, doesn't leave one feeling too secure about a future. And there is the economy thingy going on as well and the down turn in the computer jobs.... just not a whole lot to go celebrate about right now. Computer jobs are very hard to get and if you get one the pay is about half of what it was a year or two ago... that's a hard thing to swallow... worked hard, was making good money, and now all I can get is half of that...
But there are also parts of me that just hate a 8-5 job.. where I have to do a bunch of political, unfulfilling tasks in a day. I find absolutely no fun in it. Even doing computer support, it is like... oh wow, I get to answer some repetative questions... oh don't I feel like I'm doing something important in life... can you tell? Its just not fulfilling and challenging to me....
So then I dream,,,, and while I was dreaming I thought of some things that would be very kewl and awesome... like counseling, physical therapy or massage therapy (yes, me,,, even massage therapy). But I just allowed myself to dream and go where I didn't put any limits on anything for myself.. and that is what came out. Actually if I could just write (when I want and what I want to write), I would do that and only that.... kind of hard to pay the bills though unless you are a John Grisham or Tom Clancy sort of person.
So these three ideas sort of knocked me on my ass a little... I was like.... wow me... do any of these things... and of course me answered myself and said , hell yeah!
Than I had to bring the practical side back into things somewhat and the counseling would be great but with the debt I have, it would be very difficult to go after my master's degree.. just don't think I have enough energy to struggle through that one right now. Plus, emotionally and mentally, I am not sure if I am at that point yet in my life.. getting there, but just not yet.
So then I looked at physical therapy... again, might be a lot more schooling than I want to go through right now but it would be rewarding partly because a physical therapist helped me come back out of my paralysis.... so that one isn't high on the short list either.
Then I looked at massage therapy and I was like, you gotta be kidding,,, right? But no, I was serious! Then I remembered back to how my father used me to give him massages only to start the cycle of abuse... and he would often tell me I would be good at massage.... and so I started to shove this idea way down beyond the short list to the no idea list.... but it wouldn't stay down there. The other night I ran so hard away from it, that I went to an open house at a local massage therapy school....
When I got there, I immediately felt at home and felt accepted and positive... it is a place that focuses on "hollistic" type approach and not just giving a massage but connecting with the person.. Ok, some friends do call me space cowboy because well for lack of a better phrase, I tend to see things differently in life... or see different things in life than a lot of people... I sense stuff, pick stuff up, see things, hear things and feel things that aren't spoken... So maybe there is a part of me that is just dying to get out and I am suppressing it...
Anyway, I am giving some serious thought to all of this and haven't made the decision yet, but not to far off from the decision. If I do it, I would take the night route which would allow me to continue to work (as long as the job holds out). Of course I will probably have to deal with some issues as I go through it. They did say that you will be a different person after you complete this schooling... which I think I kind of like but it scares the hell out of me as well. It might just be the exact thing that I need for my life right now...
If you would have told me 5 (even 2 years ago) that I would be thinking about this, I would have laughed so hard! And it shocks me a lot, freaks me out some that I am even thinking about going down this road...
At the end of the day, I want to have done something that uses my creativity, challenges my brain and makes me feel like I have accomplished something by helping someone...
So hang on,,, not sure where this express way is headed,,, but right now, someone shoved me into the fast lane!
Don
A couple of weeks ago I was about ready to say fuck life, and the hell with everything. In fact, I came pretty damn close to it. I couldn't go any further and then the migraine headache just about did me in beyond return....
Ok.... so a lot has been going on with me since then... and a little too rapid at times...
Since my mom's death in January, my life hasn't been the same. It has totally changed my outlook on life and made me see things that I didn't really think I would ever see. I have been opened/awakened to things that I didn't think I would ever take a look at. That one event is a major piviotal point in my life.
Ok,,, so on we go now
I've been doing a lot of soul searching and trying to figure out where my place is in life. Lately, I have felt like I am drifting along aimlessly with no specific end point in mind. I really hate that. It may be fine for some time, but it is getting rather old now. So I have been trying to ask myself some hard questions. It is amazing the answers I get as well (and people around me have to wonder at times when I talk to myself). Plus the job situation where people seem to go more than they come here, doesn't leave one feeling too secure about a future. And there is the economy thingy going on as well and the down turn in the computer jobs.... just not a whole lot to go celebrate about right now. Computer jobs are very hard to get and if you get one the pay is about half of what it was a year or two ago... that's a hard thing to swallow... worked hard, was making good money, and now all I can get is half of that...
But there are also parts of me that just hate a 8-5 job.. where I have to do a bunch of political, unfulfilling tasks in a day. I find absolutely no fun in it. Even doing computer support, it is like... oh wow, I get to answer some repetative questions... oh don't I feel like I'm doing something important in life... can you tell? Its just not fulfilling and challenging to me....
So then I dream,,,, and while I was dreaming I thought of some things that would be very kewl and awesome... like counseling, physical therapy or massage therapy (yes, me,,, even massage therapy). But I just allowed myself to dream and go where I didn't put any limits on anything for myself.. and that is what came out. Actually if I could just write (when I want and what I want to write), I would do that and only that.... kind of hard to pay the bills though unless you are a John Grisham or Tom Clancy sort of person.
So these three ideas sort of knocked me on my ass a little... I was like.... wow me... do any of these things... and of course me answered myself and said , hell yeah!
Than I had to bring the practical side back into things somewhat and the counseling would be great but with the debt I have, it would be very difficult to go after my master's degree.. just don't think I have enough energy to struggle through that one right now. Plus, emotionally and mentally, I am not sure if I am at that point yet in my life.. getting there, but just not yet.
So then I looked at physical therapy... again, might be a lot more schooling than I want to go through right now but it would be rewarding partly because a physical therapist helped me come back out of my paralysis.... so that one isn't high on the short list either.
Then I looked at massage therapy and I was like, you gotta be kidding,,, right? But no, I was serious! Then I remembered back to how my father used me to give him massages only to start the cycle of abuse... and he would often tell me I would be good at massage.... and so I started to shove this idea way down beyond the short list to the no idea list.... but it wouldn't stay down there. The other night I ran so hard away from it, that I went to an open house at a local massage therapy school....
When I got there, I immediately felt at home and felt accepted and positive... it is a place that focuses on "hollistic" type approach and not just giving a massage but connecting with the person.. Ok, some friends do call me space cowboy because well for lack of a better phrase, I tend to see things differently in life... or see different things in life than a lot of people... I sense stuff, pick stuff up, see things, hear things and feel things that aren't spoken... So maybe there is a part of me that is just dying to get out and I am suppressing it...
Anyway, I am giving some serious thought to all of this and haven't made the decision yet, but not to far off from the decision. If I do it, I would take the night route which would allow me to continue to work (as long as the job holds out). Of course I will probably have to deal with some issues as I go through it. They did say that you will be a different person after you complete this schooling... which I think I kind of like but it scares the hell out of me as well. It might just be the exact thing that I need for my life right now...
If you would have told me 5 (even 2 years ago) that I would be thinking about this, I would have laughed so hard! And it shocks me a lot, freaks me out some that I am even thinking about going down this road...
At the end of the day, I want to have done something that uses my creativity, challenges my brain and makes me feel like I have accomplished something by helping someone...
So hang on,,, not sure where this express way is headed,,, but right now, someone shoved me into the fast lane!
Don
