We got a new forum!!!

Niels

Registrant
I am so happy to see this new part of the MS forum :) It is my hope that those of us who have been abused by females (in my case my mother) will be able to find each other and connect better now.

Sexual abuse by females and mother/son incest is the last unspeakable taboo for many male survivors.

It is my hope that we by sharing our experiences can help break this taboo and support each other in our recovery processes. It will now be easier for those of us who have been abused by females to see that we are not alone, and that we do not have to feel ashamed about this. I look forward to getting to know you better and share my perspectives on how surviving female abuse is different in some ways.

Many of us have also experienced physical and mentally abuse by females, also in the shape of emotional incest on top of the sexual abuse. And in many cases our mothers were co-abusers - allowing others (mostly men to abuse us too) with out protecting us. It is one thing to be abused by a man - but knowing that your own mother knows about it and do nothing to protect you, leaves you feeling utterly betrayed.
 

SubtleStuff

Registrant
Hi Niels,

Thanks for setting this up. Certainly the stuff I'm healing in myself is clearly connected to my mother. It also has a strong sexual dimension to it. I find it disturbing in that it is fairly subtle but surprised at the power of its effects on me. Have you found this to be common in survivors of mother/son childhood sexual abuse?

I'm glad that there is now a forum for mother/son incest survivors. I'll be checking this regularly.

Cheers,

Garth
 

joelRT

Member, Male
I don't know whose brainchild this Forum was but, man, am I going to be spending a lot of time here!!! Thanks so much.

I have found that dealing with my mother issues is as involved, tortuous and complexe as dealing with my CSA but yet seperate from it. There has been so much of my childhood pain and trauma that I felt was inappropriate to share here because it was not directly related to CSA. Well, not anymore baby!!!

Again, thanks guys.
 
Hi, guys. Well it sure is a big struggle for us boys who were sexually, emotionally, physically and mentaly abused by our mothers, mine sure had killed my emotional upbringing. I was always wishing that she was dead. She was also a great help to a friend of the family (my main perpertrator) as he just knew on how to get to me. Look for a little boy who was starving for love and attention. Give him your (his) love, attention and intrest that your mother refused to give. I believed that my perp loved me, was interested in me and cared for me. He made me feel good, he made me feel wanted. He made me his to keep totaly for years. As a boy then teenager and on to young adulthood I never had anything to do with girls and females. I had no emotoins on how to deal with them or males for that matter. It wasn't until I was 27 years old when I had my first encounter with a female/woman, but there wasn't any emotions attached to that. I got married at 33 yrs old, I've been married for 35 yrs, and since my CSA memories surfaced and I told my secret to my wife, my married life has been hell lately as my wife has accused me of being emotionally dead toward her, lately she has been treating me just like my mother did with the mental abuse (worthless, useless and not worth a dam). Right now me and this boy are in a living hell trying to be all things that we never had learned, loving, emotionaly attached to my wife's feelings, aches and pains. I am supposed to be "learning" these emotional experiences, I've tried my damnest to be the "new Pete" instead of that lost boy, I've tried to move on from victim-survivor, but I see myself slipping further backwards. I've even sent a letter to Hell, to my mother to get relief, but she seems to be still winning the battle over this lost boy that she surely killed, emotionally and mentally. I sometimes think that she is working through my wife. But me and that lost boy better get moving forward as time for us two is running out, I'm 69. Heal well my friends. Welcome to this post where we can vent our feelings.
Pete (Irishmoose)
 

TJ jeff

Moderator
Staff member
Hi guys,

am glad you like this new forum - am really hoping it'll help - it is indeed a taboo that needs to be broken - men indeed are abused by women

my own "female abuse" was by my mother and was emmotional and physical - I still struggle with wether or not to call any of it sexual (I just don't know... - it's such a gray area becuase of the things surrounding the sexual aspect of what happened at times was wrapped up in the fact that she was physicaly abusing me durring those instances (though I was naked)... it just gets very confussing...)

I do know - the hurts she put into me - they are VERY deep hurts - even yet to this very day - I still feel she has hurt me far worse than any of the sexual stuff her youngest brother ever did...


it's sad - she's still very much a part of my life - and she still very much refuses to admit she ever hurt me in any way
 

joelRT

Member, Male
and she still very much refuses to admit she ever hurt me in any way
Yup, I get that. My mother swears that no mother ever loved a son more than she loved me. She will look you straight in the eye and tell you that I'm a patohlogical liar and that she can't for the life of her figure out why I would make up such outlandish stories of physical, emotional and psychological abuse suffered at her hands.

Maybe I'm just insane and I don't know it..............
 

TJ jeff

Moderator
Staff member
maybe she's just insane and does'nt know it...

my mom wore a mask in public for many many yers - but... her mask has cracked quite a bit in the past 10 years - people are slowly begining to see the real her

she now wonders why she has so few friends... - I know why...
 

wes-b

Registrant
Most Awesome my brothers...

I will keep my ear to this forum... As I recognized recently my mother experience fits in here. Emotional and covert incest around her disgust and disappointment in my not being a girl.

Walk on toward the light inside... my link to the universal and all-loving oneness.

with Love, Wes
 

1islandboy

Registrant
#1. I would first like to say I am glad that this forum was created for all those directly affected by this form of CSA.

I believe this will also help those of not directly affected as you can learn a lot from the similarities/differences angle.

Beyond that there are those that will become enlightened that this is even their issue, if from only an emotional standpoint.

Couldn't think of a better reason to start a new forum, and am most excited for those that need it the most.


Run for the Roses (Dan Folgelberg)

island
 
Wow!

I was just talking to Joel about this very subject not more than a month ago.
About this being my major issue that I am dealing with at this time in my recovery.
Not knowing how,where or whom to go to address this issue.
Bam!! Here is this new forum.
Thanks to all who are responsible for bring it here.

Thank You
Thank You
and Thank You again.

Mike
 

SubtleStuff

Registrant
My sentiments too, Mike,

My biggest issues these days are lack of support and social isolation. So this forum helps alot.

Most of the people I know where I live have no idea how to help, therapists included. The people who tend to want to help most are often women who have something messy going on in their sex life (usually married or might as well be and frustrated). It can really mess me up as I try to figure out if any of it is helpful and how to get MY needs met as my emotions and sexual fantasies go through a major roller coaster.

So being around men who have an strong interest in healing and sexual health is really good for me.

Thanks guys.

Garth

PS: Is there any message posting icon for "Tears of relief" or "Tears of joy"?
 

joelRT

Member, Male
It's been my experience that women in general tend to be compassionate and try to be supportive of those us who have been greatly harmed by other women in our youth. Unfortunately, and I don't see this as a fault, they tend to interpret our past situation from a female perspective, and that's just not helpful.

I'm not saying that women are incapable of understanding or that they lack intelligence, only that they were never a boy who was damaged by an adult woman. Our dynamic is a unique one. I need to share my experience with men who "get it" as well as understand it.

I was gang-raped as a boy and while I certainly have compassion for a girl who has experiened gang-rape at the same age as I was, I still don't know how it feels to be a gang-raped girl.
 
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Dusty Boy

Registrant
reading the stories has helped me with a new perspective re my mothers role in my abuse how innapropriate she was with her smutt. there is a lot there in my mind
 
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