We are ourselves, not each other

We are ourselves, not each other
A

ak

Registrant
There have been times in past when personal opinions of some parts of healing here have become nothing above arguing with each other. There have been times when people have taken apart everything someone say, and pick what things they disagree with. There been people here who have in past lied and harmed people. There have been times because of that that trust here is off, and people get more easy angry with each other.

We are ourselves, not each other. What is 'right' for me in healing is not right for everone, or even anyone else. What is right for someone who is 35 years old maybe is not right for someone 18, or someone 60. We are different people. Yes, we have one big huge thing in commen with each other. But even that, it is not same between us, other then the violation. Some was abused by family, some by strangers. Some violent, some not. All it was wrong, but not all it is the same.

What one person finds is trigger, another maybe not. What one person finds is funny, another maybe not. What one person finds is importent, another, maybe not. But we are OURSELVES. It is not for me to tell anyone else here what is trigger, what is funny, what is importent, how to heal, what they have to do. That is crap. What right we have to do that to each other? Haven't we been hurt enough?

Yes, we share ideas here, feelings here, suggestions and advice. But never can someone here have the right to say to another 'You must do this'. Even if other person is doing something harmful, like drink or drugs. I can not tell even my most close friend here 'You can not drink, that is bad thing for you'. I can suggest other things, but never it is my right to say something as that. It isn't anyone's.

This place is place of much emotion, and with emotion, it is power. We must be careful to not abuse that power. That has happened here in past, and probably will again, people are people. But it is for each us to see for ourself how is right to treat everone else here. And hope that others treat us good same. If they do not, it is of them, not us. Only person we can control, only person we can 'police', it is us.

Andrei
 
Andrei,

I'm glad you said this and I agree entirely. It's a good idea to remind ourselves of this. We are all here to discuss a very sensitive and emotional topic, as you say, each from our own perspective and with different problems and needs.

This site is such a potent source of empowerment and healing, but of course it is up to all of us to keep it that way. We won't get it right all the time, sure, but it is still important to aim high.

Much love,
Larry
 
We all deal with things so differently. We come from such different origins, yet similar places and have much in common, but the way we respond and heal can never be stamped out like a one-size-fits-all autobiography. For some, they search for a higher power. Others try to eliminate this black gooey disgusting shame by letting go. Still others, by holding on. I don't think any direction works better than any other. It's what works for me and the direction I've come. I guess the hurt rises from the possibility that he's saying I'm not healing right, that my decisions aren't the right decisions. I remember someone telling me one time that maybe there isn't one right way to do something, especially to heal. Maybe each road is as good as another. It's the destination that's important in this instance. Whether I remember the knife that caused this scar or choose to forget it, the scar is fading. And that's what's important, right? The scars of our brothers are fading. Isn't that our only hope?

Take care, my brothers.
 
Mike,

It's the destination that's important in this instance. Whether I remember the knife that caused this scar or choose to forget it, the scar is fading. And that's what's important, right? The scars of our brothers are fading. Isn't that our only hope?
Click to expand...
I was thinking of how much trust I have in my life, and how much I do not trust.

I just wish we could all live in a worls where trust was abundant and fear was not known.

I guess though, our trust of anybody has to be gained, it is never an automatic response to another.

I just wish none of us had to go through this hurt, and it is like no other hurt, not that I know of any other hurt that can match it,

ste
 
Andrei
what you say is right.

But I would also say that 'outside' there are equal and often worse things going on, it's the reality of life.

Sometimes it's easy to feel secure here, well, more secure than is practical.
The mod's do a teriffic job, but the creeps and idiots will come here. When they're exposed they're thrown out.
Much like real life, we encounter creeps and idiots and we strike them out of our lives.

That's the individual choice you talk about, it's up to us to choose if someones not right for us. And equally we should respect that persons views if they choose not to talk to us.

Healing is all about regaining our individuality, and we should do it with integrity.

Dave
 
i agree 100% Andrei

Mark
 
Andrei,

I am in complete agreement with you. Care, power, trust, being safe -- these are things we can try to cultivate in ourselves and, on the flip side, try to notice how and why others invoke these feelings in us. But at the end of the day, it all comes down to your beautifully distilled subject line: we are ourselves, not each other.

John
 
I never hesitate to suggest an approach to a problem or issue for someone else, (many here know that), but I don't insist that it's the only way to go about addressing the issue.

There are many different paths to recovery, and we can help eachother find the best way by offering advice and points of view that we ourselves can sometimes overlook.
 
Man I hope I have never come across as trying to tell someone what to do here or how to recover. If anything I have learned that you are right we all have SA in common but we have all been affected by it in different ways according to how long, how close we were to the person, if it was violent etc. I agree that we are posting to help each other, if someone says something that I disagree with I have to remember we are just talking this out, venting at times, but mostly trying to help each other by sharing.

Great post,
 
Androsh,

Just a short reponse to this one...your friend wants you to know that he knows about the drinking, and is trying to curb it. He thanks God every day for a friend like you.
 
I believe you have made an important statement here, but I would also like to add that we are all here because someone held our hand thru the night, and now we all want to do that in return.
Sometimes we overshoot the process and in our eagerness, become replusive to others, but mostly we have no harm meant.

Then we have few who resent being helped and we need to respect that, sometimes it is not what they need at the moment. There are all such possibilities.

So as rule, I join a discussion only if it is adding any thing new to my own understanding.
Or else when some asks for guidance, help.

Because no matter how hard we might try to help one another, we all have to carry our own cross.
With that knowledge, we can learn to respect others'pace.

Also I feel immense gratitude for all those people who didn't give up on me, when I had, and who pushed me to get up each time I fell. And I wonder where would I be without them?
 
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