Was this Sexual Abuse?
When I was approximately a 8-11 year old boy a young sexy woman in her early mid 20s was my caretaker. She used to dress very inappropriately around me (pantyhose only, saw her undressing in bedroom closet while I would talk to her), and even watch me masturbate, and at times make inappropriate comments. I loved her so much. My whole life I sexually fantasized about her, and every woman I was with I fantasized was her. I would say her name during sex, and dream of having sex with her, raping her, and spending my life with her.
Most of my life since adolescence I've suffered from depression, anxiety, low self esteem, lack of self confidence, insecurity, unable to make close friends. I smoked pot for a good 10 years almost on a daily basis from the time I was 16. She moved out of my house when I was about 11-12 years old. When I turned 13 she invited me up for a visit just with her in her apartment out of town. She asked me at night if I wanted to sleep with her, or alone. I was so shy and embarrassed I said alone.
This has haunted my my entire life and I'm almost 50. Was this a form of sexual abuse? Or was this innocent and natural?
(I've been on anti-depressents and anti-anxiety medication for over 20 years and been in therapy but still have these issues)
(She is a family friend, but will not talk to me about these issues after I confronted her with them).
Thanks.
Most of my life since adolescence I've suffered from depression, anxiety, low self esteem, lack of self confidence, insecurity, unable to make close friends. I smoked pot for a good 10 years almost on a daily basis from the time I was 16. She moved out of my house when I was about 11-12 years old. When I turned 13 she invited me up for a visit just with her in her apartment out of town. She asked me at night if I wanted to sleep with her, or alone. I was so shy and embarrassed I said alone.
This has haunted my my entire life and I'm almost 50. Was this a form of sexual abuse? Or was this innocent and natural?
(I've been on anti-depressents and anti-anxiety medication for over 20 years and been in therapy but still have these issues)
(She is a family friend, but will not talk to me about these issues after I confronted her with them).
Thanks.