was this abuse??

[Ken Singer LCSW]

It was abuse in the legal sense (statutory rape, you were too young to "consent" plus the age difference), it was abusive in the sense of exploitation due to your naivite (not your fault that you didn't know what was going on), plus exploitative from the standpoint of inequality of knowledge and power.

If it were "date rape", did your parents approve of a 12 year old dating a boy four years older?

Time to stop blaming yourself.
Ken

 

[indygal]

I may not have known about the mechanics of sex, but I did know that one day I wanted to fall in love, have children etc.

sounds also like your parents or guardians also did a number on you - mostly by not informing you about the "mechanics of sex" as you put it.

for whatever reason of this inaction on their part, it set you up for exactly the kind of situation you found yourself in.

SB, i'm so sorry you lost your virginity in what turned out to be such an unpleasant memory. this should have been at the very least, a time of choice for you, as well as pleasure. while there are varying degrees of pain involved in a girl/woman losing her virginity, i think those of us who lose it willingly don't recall the pain but the pleasure.

i hope you will be able to work through this so you can enjoy sex in a more gratifying way.

all the best,
indy