Was the media of you for sale, shared or private


I don't know if what I write here should have an indication that it might contain triggers. I don't mean to hurt anyone.

I know that this is a hard subject to answer because most of us don't know the prime reason of why photos and movies were taken of us. I'm not sure of percentages of kids that had pictures taken of themselves for private consumption, shared with a group of friends or just for sale into the porn market.

Both me and my best friend were 9 years old in the '60s when my friend's sister was taking B&W pictures of us for sale to the boy magazines and home B&W movies . These B&W photos and movies were developed in her own photo lab. The color pictures and movies she took of us were also for sale but had to be developed by an underground lab by underworld people. I'm sure these underworld people would keep a set of negatives and prints for their own use. That's their business. I know that my friend's sister kept of all B&W and color photos and movies. I guess you would call this her portfolio. This went on for another 7 years. :crazy:

When I was being pimped out starting at the age of 12-1/2 the johns supposedly kept the photos and home movies of me for themselves but I wonder how many of the johns took photos or movies of me that they had shared with friends. Some of these johns would show me picture albums or even the movies they took of other kids they had sex with. They needed a picture of a child being abused to be used like a hunter's trophy hung on the wall. This went on until I came out of the USAF.

At the age of almost 14-1/2 I was used every Tuesday and sometime 2 days in a row for sick bondage shit, being drugged, beaten, raped repeatedly, being hung from the ceiling by one leg and having a lit candle stuck in my ass other sick tortures like being forced to have sex with young boys. The sickest thing that they did was put Hershey's chocolate Kisses up my rectum then waited like a half hour and then bent me over a table and had little kids suck up the soft chocolate as I push it out. I was beaten if they thought that I was giving them any trouble taking in or pushing out the chocolate. The little kids were hit if they didn't suck up the chocolate and other things they had to do to me at the same time. This went on for approximately one year.

I was continually being taken to photo shoots where usually color photos were taken strictly for sale. This went on from the age of 9 until I got out of the USAF.

By the time I was 15 years old my mind was blown out by drugs that were given me, the drugs I had taken by myself and the shit that went on. My parents? they're still clueless.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
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I don't have any evidence for this but I'm guessing that the people who take photos do share them with others. I think with the internet it's much easier for pedophiles to find each other and share stuff.

The person who abused me was part of a website where people posted photos. He seemed like he was pretty popular and respected on there. I remember going somewhere with him and two other men came to meet with us. They never did anything to us and this was in a public place. It's like they just wanted to see us in real life. A few times he made us do stuff that was live streamed over the internet. Also a few times it seemed like he was making photos for someone else, doing stuff he wasn't so into. (He pretty much staged them). I don't know for sure but I don't think he was making money from selling them. I'm guessing he shared them or traded them. I think he got fame and respect in his community of other sick fucks and that's what he was doing it for. Pretty sure these photos will never die. I try not to think about it too much or it makes me feel crazy.

Jeff, I'm sorry for everything you've been through. Sorry seems like kind of a lame thing to say considering everything that happened to you, but I'm not sure what else to say. I hope you are doing okay.
Hey txb

Yeah I get the feeling that most of the photos today can be shared. It's easy, buy a camera and you got something to trade. But I would imagine this is not so much sick and kinky stuff. These might be friends or some group of friends. But then you have the porn sites that really get brutal, were there is a lot of pain, screaming and blood. I don't like to say one is better than the other but for me going on dates with a john was a world away from the beatings, kinky sex, a lot of screaming and blood. I thought that the high end johns I had were just lonely and for some reason they needed a kid. Papasan never let someone rough me up. There were guys that did but I would get a $20 for me to keep my mouth shut and willing to see me again.

In the movies it was a business and I was a prop. if the prop broke then they would just get another prop. I had to put up with really kinky shit and I usually took at least 6 hours to come off the drugs I was given. Meaning that I was able to stand up. There were 2 women that had to wash me up, wash the blood off my legs and face and get me to smell like at least a kid who didn't take a shower for a week.

No you don't have lame things to say. I would like to see a pattern of abuse with home movies that would be taken by a family member or a john. Do they share or do they move up to more and more intense shit.

I appreciate your feelings but my shit, your shit and everyone elses shit on this site is still shit that we are all having problems with.

I thank everyone's post as help for someone.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
Thanks for the love guys.

Hey txb

I get the same idea that if photos taken by a pedo that is not into those really hidden hard core porn will share with a friend or two. These guys work under the radar. I wonder how many of these guys are out there. But it seems that most of these "homeowner" guys have a very good chance of getting caught.

I guess the guy who picked you up was at least 17, 18 or older. I can see guys that are on the net making live streaming video might have been into some kind of selling which you two didn't recognize. There is a lot to see from what you say that there is a possibility that they did trade them. I've heard of porn groups that have to contribute new photos to the group to be able to stay active. There was a huge pedo ring in England, which I forget the name of that did this and finally got busted with thousands of pictures and videos. I'll try and find the name of it.

No nothing that was put on the net will ever disappear. I have come across my own bathingsuit pictures with a simple google search so I would imagine that the raunch stuff made with me is definitely out there because I'm sure that stuff was for sale.

Please remember that both our experiences were bad.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope

I see that the mods added this warning to my first post so I think I should do the same here. I hope I don't hurt anyone since that was not my intention.

Hey GeorgeMartin

If you're talking about my case then it's a very good question and that's why I asked. I see that you can't go into your shit in a public forum and I understand that and share your concerns. It's a tough call to make to go public with private parts of your childhood. I cannot say what happened in my life before 9 years old because I have no memory of 99% or it. So most of my shit happened in the years between 1960 and 1970.

My best friend and I (we just happen to be 2 gay kids) were 9 years old his sister and her girlfriend used to get us drunk, high or both and would taked B&W photos of us in various stages of undress. These pictures were sold to magazines which were sold I would imagine to pedophiles. I'm sure that she shared them with her close friends. That went on for around 5 years. I have seen the pictures of me and my friend in some of those magazines since my friend's sister had a bunch of them where we were there for all to see.

At 14 I was in a way forced into making movies for a year. Those movies would have things like lit candles stuck in my ass while hanging upside down with some guys thing plunging in and out of my mouth. I would rather not go into that one any further but the part with the candle was the reaction they would get from me as the wax dripped down the side of the candle. Multiple cameras were used to catch different angles of what was going on. Things like "hold his head while ramming" or something to that effect were told by some of the camera crew. Those were movies made for sale. One would have to be pretty sick to buy that shit but if someone wants it there is someone to make it. Among the actors were young kids about 6 years and up to my age. Kids like me and these big huge muscular monstrosities where the guy's neck was as big as my torso. This was really sick shit. This wasn't a bunch of guys getting together on the weekend, they had scrips all planned out and what each actor was to do. Now I know that a 6 year old didn't volunteer and neither did I. If I was late coming off the city bus to be picked up then I suffered physically and sexually.

One of the other things I was involved in was prostitution. I was a prostitute at the age of 12-1/2. I didn't work the streets I was brought to the john I was to pleasure. These were guys that had huge apartments with pictures of their families around the rooms. This was a hell of a lot better than I was treated at the movies but the movies was a business. These johns would take pictures, movies or both of me masterbating for instance. I have no idea of what they did with the media.

I was taken many times to photo shoots where some guy takes rolls and rolls of pictures of me in all states of undress. I was even taken to places where I would be taken by a lake and such places. Sometimes there was me and another kid being photographed. This shit was obviously for sale.

There was also included in some photoshoots movies made of me tied down to all four corners of a bed on my back and my eyes blindfolded. Of course I was naked. I was over the course of let's say at least a 1/2 hour where a guy would play around with me bringing me just to the edge of climax and then sort of relaxed. He would do this over and over until the end of the movie is where I pop. This shit was for sale.

I was taken to many parties while I was a prostitute and the first thing they did before they stripped me was get me high as a kite on different shit. I was stripped, dressed in girl's clothes and auctioned off to the party goers. I know there was pictures taken but I don't know what was done with them. Most probably they were shared or just kept private.

Now you can find bathing suit pictures of me and my friend by simply doing a google search. If those pictures are out there then time had to be taken to digitize them. So somebody was interested in seeing me in a speedo type bathing suit. I'm sure that all my shit is out there someplace in outer space.

This was my life from the age of 9 until I packed up my stuff and left the county to some other county where nobody knew anything about me or my past at around 22-23. As for anyone that knew me I just disappeared off the face of the earth.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
I really hope that's where they stayed and the guy didn't go further and started to trade. Was the internet alive at your time?

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
I know that 8mm film was used by the likes of the johns but I when it came to the movies that one year I saw what I called "big cameras" which were most probably 16 mm

The big problem was getting this stuff developed. I guess the 8mm B&W films could be developed in one's basement darkroom but color had to be don't in a lab which your local pharmacist didn't have access to. So many of the photos and movie film that was going to be sold was color. I remember reading that when the marines took film footage in WWII they took only color films. My best friend's sister took mostly B&W because she used to sell the pics to the boy magazines.

I would bet that at least 90% of what was taken of us all is on the net someplace no matter how raunchy it is. young skin still sells, we constantly read about it in the papers. The reason I say that is that with a simple google search will bring up pictures of me in speedo type bathing suits that shows how little those bathing suits hide. I'm sure that those pictures of me in those bathing suits were not meant to be home photos and the pool in the background was not the main subject. It's amazing how people can take and ordinary setting with a kid in a bathing suit and use it for a completely different effect.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
I've been thinking about all the pictures and movies made with me in it. I can do a google search and come up with a picture of me. Not anything bad but pictures that I know were taken of me by the same people who took really bad shit with me in it. I get the impression from what I read that photo sharing between pedo's is the way most sick shit gets traded. If I send you some of my sick shit then you can send me some sick shit. So I never get the impression people pay for child porn. We hear of people being picked up with 30,000 or more pictures and I don't know how many videos. Usually you hear that there was a thousand DVD's confiscated at some bust.

I must say that I believe in snuff films. I think that those types of videos today are made to order for some sick shitface.

In my day which is the '60s my best friend's sister used to take pictures of us and sell them to those boy magazines. They were legal in the '60s and when they passed laws against these magazines they went underground. So I would imagine that there was more buying and selling back then as opposed to today with the internet. I cannot see people busted having 30,000 pictures that cost them money. I think there is the type of sharing in these private porno rings that to be part of the ring you have to upload a certain amount of pictures to their site to be able to download.

I don't understand how a person like the shit (the "Subway guy") that worked for Subway restaurants was able to stay under the radar for so many years until a friend of his was busted. It seems that law enforcement just happen to stumble across him. If that friend was not busted he would never have been either.

I don't understand where money is traded hands these days unless some special order is made and those shits that pay to get child porn are really wealthy.

Just read today on CNN that there is an American connection to child sex tourism in Peru. There were a bunch of busts that went on with the help of American law enforcement.

Just some thoughts

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
I'm almost 100% sure that it was not kept private!

The ring that I was taken to was a very well organized!!!

I am sure that from the shear amount of movies that were made, that they were for sale and they were definitely traded.
They always had more than one camera going: it was usually 2 or 3 and then they were constantly taking photographs at the same time.

I still freak out when I hear that sound of a magnesium flash bulb recharging-that low hum climbing ti a high pitch (shudder) I fucking can't stand that. Luckily, with everything being digital now, once doesn't see or hear that, that much these days, but even the flash can send me into a spiral and trigger me and make me dizzy.

They also liked to focus on my face as if my facial expressions of sadness or fear or pain and anguish were as important as the sex stuff and the usually had a camera aimed directly at my face first and then showing everything else.

They also come to think of it would give me instructions as how to position my self but the most common one was "don't hide your face" and look at the camera."

I still have pretty awful nightmares about it all.

i know very well that all of that shit is floating around on the web in cyberspace and all i can hope for is that it helps the authorities send these M*ther F*(kers to Prison for a long time.

It is still very difficult to think about all of it still being out there, but there isn't anything I can do about it and Thank GOD nobody would be able to recognize me today, so at least I have that.

Hey ((((( Logan )))))

Sorry I didn't see this earlier. It seems that we share a lot of the same type of abuse. There were multiple movie cameras taking movies from different angles and then there was one guy who would take still pictures. The flash from the camera doesn't bother me but the shutter click of the still camera and the werrr of the movie cameras will bother me.

The guy taking the stills was the person who told the movie cameras what to do. This guy would get up real close to take pictures. This guy was also the guy who told me what to do and used a cane, something like a blackboard pointer but more flexible, to hit me and prod me like I was an animal being prodded into moving to the slaughter. I would be hit on the bottom of my feet or across my privates. This guy would poke at my privates or stick that stick up my ass.

One thing that we had in common was that these people, really animals, manipulated us with fear. It seems that I have been wetting my bed over the last 2 months was being threatened with my life. I was tied down naked on my back to all four corners of a table. The last few months I've been having nightmares and wetting my bed at night waking up wet and sweating. What happened next was a gun was laid on my chest and this guy, who I recognize as the guy with the still picture camera. He kept telling me how I was such a bad boy and a real pain in the ass that I would have to be punished. I don't remember exactly what happened but he left and brought in some young naked kids. I don't remember if it was one kid or 20 kids because I was pretty fucked up and crying. He told the kid(s) to go find a bullet someplace in the room. When the bullet was found he put it into the gun and placed the gun back on my chest. He then left the room and came back a little while latter with a stick. He started hitting me all over my chest, stomach and especially my privates. All the while telling me that I was a bad boy and didn't listen to what they told me. I was left with black and blue marks all over my body. I couldn't go to any activity where I had to remove my shirt.

He left the room another time but this time for a long time it seemed like an eternity. I was crying and in pain from the beating and the gun on my chest. When he came back in he told me that I was just trouble and they had decided to get rid of me. He then picked up the gun and was telling me how bad a boy I was etc. I really don't remember everything that he was telling me except that I was accused of being a bad boy and had to punished. He put the gun to my head pushing it into my head. He then started to yell at me again with his face only inches from my face. I was hysterical and pleading but he wasn't listening to me. He then pulled the trigger and there was a click and everything turned white. That is the last thing I remember.

I woke up a while later in front of a TV set. They had already given me a shower. I was then given something to eat and then dressed and driven back to where I was picked up. I was told to be here next week.

I would imagine that this whole deal was filmed as everything else was. It was different tortures that they did to me which just added to the fear that I could be killed by being beaten. I was always wondering when the next torture session would take place and I was really beaten and killed. So fear is what they were using to manipulate me. I would always do what they wanted but for some reason which I didn't understand back then was that they were never happy with me and so they were always threatening me. This went on for a little more than a year. I had to be there every Tuesday and sometimes more than one time a week.

With this episode along with being abducted (a couple of months before my 15th birthday) off the street of the West Village and raped by multiple men for 2 days. This would be the trigger that was my second attempt at suicide at which I also failed. I could do nothing right and I wanted all this crap to stop. This went on for another 8 months.

peace brother, we share something that binds us together.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope