Was it and is it my fault?

[Blund]

Last night I was talking to a friend on the MS board and I realize for the very first time that I was abused as An adult. Or at least I had thought so.This was extremely difficult for me to think about because I have sexual abuse as a child but I never made that connection that one happened when I was 32 years old and 32 years old is an adult. I lumped all of the abuse into one group and as such I just assumed that all of it was when I was a child and teenagers. So the abuse that happened when I was 32 years old I went to a party and I was sniffing drugs and I had passed out and when I had woke up I was with a different man and there was another man on top of me doing things that I did not give him consent to do. He was giving me a blowjob and he was jerking off himself. I asked a dear friend if he felt like this was abuse or rape or what not and he told me that whatever happened happened and it was my fault because I had put myself in a bad situation. He told me that whatever happened I deserved it because it was all my fault. So now here I am sitting thinking to myself WTF?I deserved it? Really? Somebody please help me understand why what happened when I was in a coherent my fault.I’m really struggling with this today. I had nightmares last night. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated

 

[LoneWolfX]

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[i-m-Bri]

Blund,

The fact was you did not consent. It doesn't matter if your were capable of saying yes or no, consent was not given. PERIOD. There is no debating that aspect. It is absolute.

And further, what fucking pig takes advantage of someone who is out of it?

I am sorry your friend suggested otherwise. They are wrong.

 

[Barkabus]

It wasn't your fault Blund. It never was. Not for a second. You were victimized. You did not consent to what that guy was doing to you when you woke up. I agree with LoneWolfX and BDD, your friend is wrong, dead wrong. It was hurtful that your friend told you this.

I'm so sorry this happened to you Blund.

Take care,
Mike

 

[Nothing Man]

Blund, sexual abuse is never the fault of the victim. People shouldn't rape other people. People who decide to rape are the ones who are at fault and need to be punished to the fullest extent of the law. What was done to you was not your fault. You are blameless. Your friend is wrong.

Please do your best to take care of yourself in light of this revelation. It's another shock to your system. I hope you have a good therapist or support group who can help you through this.

Mike

 

[Esterio]

Hi Blund

It wasn't your fault at all, what happened was sexual assault. You woke up to this happening to you. You did make a mistake and left yourself wide open by drinking and drugs until you passed out. It was still not your fault you never said yes to any of this.

The same thing happened to me on a fish boat. We went out and got drunk at a bar. I don't remember much about that part. What I do remember is waking up and the skipper was on top of me. I freaked out and beat him to a pulp he was taken to the hospital and I never saw him again. I felt this was my fault as I had got drunk and past out. I realize now that it was rape I never gave consent how could I. I was past out. He was the last person to abuse me. It still took me over 20 years to stop drinking and passing out but that never happen again. I was 22 years old then.

Hope that helps some at least you will know you are not alone. I think it maybe one of the more common types of rape drank to much and someone took advantage. I think it happens at closing time at the bars all the time.

Good luck on your healing journey. Please know this was not your fault.
Esterio

 

[Tom E.]

I would say you were sexually assaulted