Was it abuse

Was it abuse
S

six string samurai

New Registrant
I know I've been bothering everyone in the chatroom about this :)

So I figured... I will just explain everything here and then shut up about it...

I don't know if i Belong here. If what happened was abuse or just a weird sexual relationship. I know that only I could decide how it affected me, but I feel like I am being disrepesctful by being here among the truly abused if I wasnt really abused...

So... here it is. I dunno how well I could tell it, it isnt used to being out of my head :/

Also please forgive my bad grammar, it's been a long day...

I am 19 years old (as of May 22nd) and my 'abuse' stopped when i was 13... it started I think before I even started school, not sure what age but I think when me and my mom lived in Iowa before I was going to school. So like 3 or 4 maybe. WHen I was real littel my mom would encourage sexual touching sort of between us, usually it was just her and me around cuz I got no sisters or brothers and my dad wasnt around much. But it wasnt a painful or bad thing, I enjoyed it.. cuz see it make me feel loved, and I thought it was a normal thing to happen. I didnt just 'bear' it either I really did like it..

Then we moved to New Mexico and my parents got divorced soon after, then it was only me and my mom and I did go to school but we lived alone and I didnt have friends. But that was ok, I liked livin with just my mom, we loved each other a lot but we still did the sex things and when I got old enough to physically manage it we had real sex too, I still thought it was normal, my only friend was my mom and she and me really lvoed another, at least, I wanna think she loved me...

She said nobody in the world loved her except me and nobody loved me except her, and we would be strong togther, and I loved her, like a kid love their mom but also like you love somebody you are in a realtionship with. Like romatic love sort of only I was a little kid. She always had me stay close to her and we did evetything together even when I got a bit older but that was ok..

But then she left. When I was 13. JUst went away and I thought she didnt love me anymore, I was broken inside..

I am still broken sorta

Even now its bee 6 years, I still think fondly of her, I have a lot of problems now but I dont know are they from the sexual relationship I had with her. I know its not right because its incest and also I was only a little kid, but it didnt hurt me to do it and I loved her and still love her so much. Even though I dont know where she is...

But I feel she is the only person I could ever love. I never loved anyone since her. I dont think I can. I just want her back...

I am sorry if this is real weird

I just dont know what to do or if I belong here. I dont even talk about this except for recently. And only to a couple people.

I dont know if this was abuse. People say yes because of age difference. But it never hurt, and I always liked it, it wasnt rape...

Does anyone have any advice?

Im sorry for the long post

I gotta go to bed now I got work in the morning... Im real tired :/

I hope somebody has some words to offer..

-Milo
 
Milo, it is not a matter of the 'age difference'. You were in a sexual relationship with your mother. She raised you in a sexual relationship with her, before you even had chance to have normal relationship. It was an abusive relationship, not just a strange one. The fact that it felt good at times, the fact that she did not cause you physical pain, does not change the fact that it was abuse. I was abused by a sports coach, sexually and physically. But also, my mother had poor boundaries with touching me, and that still causes me painful thoughts and upset, because she was my MOM. There are times when to think of her hurts me more then anything else that has happened with me. Please don't think that you have to hate her or be mad at her or anything. But in definition of sexual abuse, that is what it was for you.

Leosha
 
Hi, Milo,

I'm sorry you need this place, but I'm glad to meet you.

You know, Milo, I understand how diffifult this is for you. You love your mother and it's hard to see what she did to you as abuse because it wasn't forced, it wasn't unpleasant to you, and you liked it.

But it was abuse.

It was a VERY improper relationship with a child, HER child, and it was wrong. Truthfully, would you be asking these questions if you didn't at least have a feeling it was wrong?

This isn't to say that you should hate your mother, either. On the contrary, it's never been my experience, but you love her even though you know what she did was wrong. There's nothing wrong with this. Please keep in mind, though, she crossed a clear boundary with you, and made you emotionally needy (beyond what should be between a parent and child) and sexually vulnerable.

TRIGGERTRIGGERTRIGGERTRIGGER

I was raped and abused by a man who I thought loved me, and he made me love him. Was I wrong to love him (this was before my abuse became sadistic)? No, he made me feel special, needed and loved. It was still wrong, though, and in the back of my 11-12 year old mind, I KNEW it was wrong. It's something I struggle with today.

ENDTRIGGERENDTRIGGERENDTRIGGERENDTRIGGER

Milo, this is the place to work out your confusion and feelings. These guys are the greatest bunch in the world, and we all want you to be well. You can send most anyone here a private message and they'll do their best to help you.

And Milo, there's something I always say to any new brother I meet on the site. It may seem like a lot, but I don't think any of us has heard it enough. I love you, my brother, with no strings attached and I want NOTHING from you.

Peace and love,

Scot
 
Milo,

The short answer is yes. As others have said, abuse comes in many forms. And hurt does not have to come with it. I mean physical pain.

The confusion of having had the abuse at the hands of your mother is because you were brainwashed. Why any adult in their right mind would think that sex with a child is fulfilling is beyond me.

As for your feelings of caring about her. I want to validate them for you. Nothing says you have to thouroughly hate your abuser. As a matter of fact, to my astonishment, I find that in reading on the subject, it is not uncommon for an child abused by a family member to still feel affection. Kind of a hate the sin, love the sinner idea. I was astonished because none of my perps were actual blood kin. And I hope they rot!

HTH,

Marc
 
Milo... please know that you belong here, no matter what type of experience you had. There is no competition here of "who had it worse" or "my abuse was worse than yours." No one will think that just because your abuse wasn't painful, that you have no right to talk about it.

It is very easy for children to be taken advantage of in this way - whether by force or coercion - because when you are young, you don't know how the world works yet. You accepted this behavior as "normal."

TRIGGER

I thought a "normal" part of being spanked was also to have my stepfather put his fingers in me.

As an adult, I no longer think this is normal or right. But as a child, I only knew what was happening. Children inherently want to please their adult caretakers. This is why it was easy for your mom to do what she did to you.

I'm so sorry for your pain at losing your mother and at your confusion about what happened to you. As others have said, come here to work this out. We are all here for you.
 
Milo,

She denied you the chance to have a real, honest, parent child relationship. She should not have made you her lover. She should not have introduced sex into your relationship.

It is possible to love someone and hate what they do or did. Look at all the people who love someone that they have lost to drugs or alcohol. They love the person and don't even like the actions. You can still love your mother, but that does not make what she did to you right.

And, just so you know, it doesn't sound weird. It sounds like she hurt you, that's all.

Thanks,

Joe
 
milo,
i agree that it was abuse, she was the adult, you were a child, she took away your innocense as my perp did me. mine took great pains to not physically hurt me either (sometimes it did though), he made me believe he loved me and i him, he was wrong and he was the adult. i was a child at ten. he manipulated me for his own gratification and i suppose she did the same to you. i, too liked some of it but that was my bodies response to the stimulation and the "twisted" love that he said we had.
also, sorry for your loss of her, do not know how but no matter what the deal, if you feel it as a loss, that coupled with her having you be her sex partner had to be tough.

hang man, you are here and do have the love and support as mentioned above, and you do not have to do shit otherwise, that is what you should have had with your mom and i with my perp (except the trust and respect a coach should have gave me), not the "love" with the sexual inclusions.

i'm new here too, blocked it out a bit(31 f'king years), the more i learn, see, hear, the more i know. hope you are safe and today and tonight, please be comforted the best you can. bless you, guy
 
Milo, as you go along in life you will begin to see that your mother harmed you to an extreme degree. Whatever you felt and still feel, your mother criminally assaulted you and apparently abandoned you. Did you ever mention this to whoever you went with as a 13 year old?

I am saddened that you were so betrayed by your mother. Be patient as you try to get well and have a healthy relationship with women you get attracted to. This is going to take a whole lot of work on your part--and lots of time.

Peace to you.

Bob
 
milo,
sexual abuse is not about pain, it is about manipulating another to do what one wants. i was also a victim of incest, maternal and her her husband. true sex is between equals who seek to mutually fulfill each other in a way that is gift. when one person manipulates another it is a pure selfish behavior that disregards the other human being. when that manipulation is of a child by an adult, no matter how deceptively sweet the moment, it is compounded because the child cannot make an informed choice about sexuality. even when the result is physical pleasure, the truth is that an adult selfishly used a child who could not make an adult decision about the act of sex. i was forced into my abuse by both of the adults, and there were others as well. i did experience arousal with some of it, but it was still abuse. the bottom line, milo, is that if a person manipulates another, it is abuse. my abuse started at age three, and continued till i was about twelve. you were a child, milo, you could not have had an informed choice. take care, and pm me if you have need to.
 
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