Wanting to give up

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Wanting to give up

I know I won't. I have been here too long. But I am so sick of living this thing over and over. I am so sick of feeling like a piece of meat that someone used.

I have beem in therapy for nearly three years and all I get is more hurt. I feel like I am screaming for someone to believe me, and all I am getting is metaphysical bullshit. Read this book, read that book. I have read them all. And I still have the nightmares and the memories. There is no book for this. There is no "self help" for this. There is no magic pill, there is no "believing" it will be better.

I JUST WANT HIM TO BELIEVE ME!!!!!
 
Martym

don't give up -

believe in you -

and we believe in you right?

so if one seems reluctant - it is about him

not you - i suppose.

one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch -

bad apples suck - but not all apples under the tree are fresh a daisy!

hang in there -
 
Martym,

Your post concerns me, since (in my humble opinion) a T should not be telling you read this or that book or leaving you with the feeling that all you are getting is metaphysical bullshit.

It is so natural to want belief from your T and to keep asking about that. I can't count all the times I have asked my T, "Can you actually believe all this?"

If you aren't getting the help, or even proper validation, that you need, you might consider changing Ts. There are numerous approaches and of course each T has his/her own personality. We all need an approach and a person we can relate to and feel safe with.

Much love,
Larry
 
martym -

just to add - to larry's idea -

with a question -

afte three years of being in therapy -

this person ought to know you now well enough

i would think that he might perceive his actions

mean to you that he doesn't believe you and there fore be hurtful - then again - it might
be growing pains in your relationship with him-

recently i argued with an old friend - and it was very hard - hurtful difficult -

and though a t is not a friend - but a healing relationship - if he is pushing a spot that hurts -

he should be told it - especially -

if you feel safe enough with him

at this point - -

but if at the crux of it - you feel he is perhaps
not safe - though three years?

and not helping?

i am with larry - i would find another -
but feel it out - trust yourself in the sense
to be rational - perhaps talk to
Ken Singer - first too


peace -

you are taking care of you well - !
you feel something is wrong

you are trusting yourself
by reaching out - that is good

well done

i am glad you are taking care :)

even if right now --it isn't all perfect -

you at least are aware and working to fix it! :)
mgb
 
nice work so far!
 
it is very very unnerving too -

to read books - and accept 'others'

terms too - when so often they have been the source of control over me -

and so - i hear your panic hear if that is what i am hearing -

all i can say - for me too -

is that i need to learn how to manage my anger -

at all the imperfect shit - and slights i feel from so many

who would rather just punch you around - and
say 'your my friend'

which seems a load of shit at times -

those though you really love and believe in -

stay with - who you feel there is a

relationship you can live with -

with all "my" imperfections or tendencies -

and the 'others'

make sense?

good luck and peace-

love

Mark
 
i am no expert at this - but i have friends

now i am believing in - doubt is human -

remembering doubting thomas?

doubt is a pretty scary thing - it can change everthing - inside for a moment -

but go with 'light' if you can

it's new to me ...

mgb
 
Martym,

Have you tried support groups? There are several groups up in LA mostly 12 step programs. I drive up to Marina del Rey for a non 12 step program. I'll PM you with the information (anyone else wants info for SoCal just let me know). Try and renogiate what you need from your therapist ... what's working what's not working. If this doesn't help you may also want to consider looking for a new therapist if you feel that your current therapist isn't helping you.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Martym,

Realized that you turned off your PM usage. I'll post the info in the classifeds as to not detract from this thread.

Courage-Wisdom-Spirituality
 
Martym, Got the same problem. And because I can't get them to believe me, I have trouble believing me, too. It's so hard to heal when you put an "if" in front of it. Bobby
 
First, you are NOT worth giving up, because you ARE worth loving and caring for, and that is what will cure you eventually.

So I suggest ask yourself each day, how much more can you love and care for yourself.

I am suggesting love as a cure here, and that is because what started out as a love abberation can end when heart find true love again in self love.

It is a broken piece of your heart that you are trying to mend when all you have to do is to step down from the mind and enter your heart, and then allow your heart heal your mind. Allow love.

Have you noticed the moments when you have felt loved those are also the moments you have felt cured. So the cure really is love and not in the mind, you just mind spent the rest of your life trying to put the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle while further complicating it.

This is the alchemy of love, when it heals what heart cannot. Self analysis can only lead you to a point where you can choose to love yourself once again. Rest is up to you.
 
Born to resist:

I blocked private messages after I got this private message (this is just a part of it. I am blanking out the name the person used so that I don't possibly make a bad person out of someone who may have been trying to help):

XXXXX words still haunts me today when I toled him to stop.... "oneday you will want this, you would want it back 'cause it is so nice. One day..."

He was right till Jan 06."

I am sorry, but to me, this says this person was an abuser until then. And it scared the hell out of me.

I found your ad as you said in classifieds and I have sent an email. Thank you for that.
 
Martym,

Please refer that PM to our mod team. You need to be able to participate here freely without blocking out a part of the input you can get.

You are right. The person who wrote to you was probably trying to help, and perhaps you have misunderstood what he has said or the background to it. But let the mods speak to him about this. This is part of their job and this kind of dialogue goes on all the time. We are all hurting people in one way or another, and sometimes a private word with a moderator is a good idea to get things back on track.

Much love,
Larry
 
Martym,

any PM that hurts you should be reported.
You should not have to turn off that facility because of anothers comments.

BTW, you can also select who to ignore,

ste
 
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