want to hear about my mother? lol OMG

want to hear about my mother? lol OMG
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
my mother was an odd one - but then again - she was raised by the sick grandmother who perped -

since I can remember my mother always had a housekeeper - help - daily - weekly

for years we even had live ins -

my dad was a big exec - so

she never worked - only had to really do her hair and nails - and keep thin lol!

my life is just too weird -

i am seeing how my mother was needy - so needy and selfish -

again she had help always - and never worked -

and yet would get overwhelmed so easy at just the idea of having to fill her days - i guess -

yet at 6 years old she would forget to pick me up at the bus stop - because she had coffee and cigarettes with Mrs. Weintraub - lol!

so I would walk the half mile home - crying -

to an empty house - and or I would search the neihbor hood and find her and she would laugh

and make a joke which made it ok in her head -

she was this way til she croaked -

amen - gone!

sorry -

she would scream at a towel not folded -
 
when i was a little bit younger - my mother and father took us to clam bake in connecticut

at an associates house -

as we entered she let go of my hand -

and was engaged in cocktail talk -

i was so hungry -

but i was told never interrupt -

never -

i was walking around the party

looking around - so hungry

and finally a young couple saw me

they were eating and said 'are you hungry?'

i said yes - and

they fed me my dinner -

it was really good -

and that was how that ended -
 
of course dad had about 50 girlfriends and prostitutes on the side
at all times it seems -

from day one -

then he married an ex porn star and super model -

who admitted to a friend
she lied on a federal grand jury

- i like bein alone -!

I may not be good for much
but at least it's peaceful -
and I am not seeking out

bad guys - thinking they are good -

M
 
Hi Mark,

I think one of th hardest things to overcome is the chaos that a lot of us lived in as children. I know it is for me. It's one of the reasons that I find I have to have an extremely ordered life now as an adult - because the childhood was so chaotic. Sorry that things were he way they were for you as a child - looking back on my own childhood, it seems almost surreal at times. Like I wonder "How could that have been like that?" and I shudder to think of living in a life like that today.

It's good to hear you talking about it though, Mark. For me, that's what's helped me see it for what it was - talking it out.
 
Wow - Thanks -

Egl - your comment is like me -

My life is so ordered - I get so lost -

M
 
peace
 
my grandmother abused all her kids in every way -
physical - emotional - and ...

she did not tell her twin daughters to be nice to my mom - the youngest and middle - female -

when my mother dies -

they start being mean to me -

' they say you do nothing with your life -and look your poor mother did all that work taking you to art class - ' i was 32 at the time -

then they say - you so reserved mark - express anger - i do they say - i am gonna stab you over the phone -!

no more bad ppl

m
 
mom drove me one art class ever

the rest i walk to
 
leavin that poop
 
******* Trigger Warning**********
My parents were always so caught up in their own issues that they neglected me all the time. I had three siblings who were doted over and who never suffered the physical abuse I suffered. I was the scapegoat.

Whenever my mother would cut my hair she would deliberately snip and pinch the edges of my ears. It hurt, it happened every time and if I tried to move my head she'd shove it back to where she wanted it. I never said anything though.

I remember one time when she was mad at me, I was about 5 or 6. She backhanded me so hard I got a bloody nose, then she filled my mouth with Tabasco sauce then left me sitting there bleeding, my mouth on fire. I asked her about that incident recently. She said "You remember that? I remember that too," as if we were talking about going to the beach or something.

If she was in a bad mood, which was always, and my dad would come home drunk, which was always, (if he came home at all) she'd get him really pissed off, always something about me. Then he'd yell and beat the shit out of me. I don't know how long he'd be beating me for but eventually I would hear her screaming in the background somewhere for him to stop or he'd kill me. I really thought he would kill me. But there was nothing I could do about it except take the beating. He was much bigger than I was, I was just a little kid. And I always had a cast on my leg from operations to fix a club foot. So she'd instigate the whole thing then come to my 'rescue'. Chaos.

At about the same age, 5 or 6, I couldn't believe my parents hated me so much or could be so mean. I truly thought they had been replaced by aliens or monsters that looked just like them and that my real parents had been kidnapped by the monsters. I used to always go look behind the coats in the hallway closet to see if my real parents were tied up in there. Never did find them though...Sigh - John
 
holy crap - i am so sorry - mark
 
Thanks Mark - The weird thing is...I recently came to the realization that they were very limited people back then. They still are but they can no longer damage me. And they're actually nice to me now, they might even be proud and I'm pretty sure they love me, maybe always did, sort of. But their limitations are not mine. My daughter is loved and cared for and safe and self-confident and smart and funny and on and on. She's nine now, I was already ruined and being abused outside of the house by the time I was her age. I know that, despite all the abuse I suffered from my parents and others, I am not like them. They are who they are and somehow that's okay with me now, as far as my parents are concerned anyway. I no longer need anything from them. I still want their approval and love, and I think I get that from them now, but I don't need it. That makes all the difference in the world to me. And it seems to have somehow transformed them too...weird. Peace - John
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top