Walking away

[Curiouspaints]

One time I was around 16 and my dad went an a rage... Obliteration soon followed I walked away after I couldn't handle my mom being so close and so far within me... so I walked away... I didnt grab a shirt and a car pulled up. A man is inside the car and suddenly I lost a war I didnt know I was fighting. He looked at me not just as something that was human or even male but a deep object of desire... I saw him see me and wondered what to do? He drove away and pulled up next to where I was walking and I kept walking... I didnt want to stop. but then other memories since then have come up... men looking at me in stores while I was waiting for my dad to be my dad... Not just a man with a name but someone who could reach out and whisper to me something that could carry me through a deep darkness that was laying its wrath on me... I was searching for an album from a band a man was starring at me... His eyes caught my attention and I was scared again I new what happens next like in those sounds of human ecstasy I used to hear on my bed without remembering being there. and I tried to leave but he had this madness in his eyes... I see you and I will Devore you... Nothing is yours not even your legs....

So I thought I ran away... I thought the movie was over... the kind of happy ending where you feel more alive than 1 hr 33 mins ago... I thought I was away far enough for the sounds and agony to disappear and moments of joy and laughter were entering me next in the room and on the bed. But it never happened I wish it did. I know how much more I would have enjoyed it. Now this all seems hollow In me an emptyness with a heartbeat that's new and foreign.

Right now im hugging this kid this teenager who just wanted to learn how to do things... I miss him and he knows this... I whisper out loud "im right here" folding my arms back through time while shaken and torn in a tornado of demand...

He just wanted to live
I just wanted to live