Voldemort (stay with me here)

Voldemort (stay with me here)
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yesac76

Registrant
For those who don't know, Voldemort is the evil wizard who murdered Harry Potter's family. People so feared him, they never spoke his name.

Okay, now my point:

When I first began therapy, I had a hard time saying the name of my abuser. I guess I was still ashamed of what happened, or subconsciously wanted to protect him. My T compared my abuser to Voldemort. I let that thought run around in my head and came to a conclusion. Fearing even RICK's name would only allow his memory to keep a tight grip on me. All be damned if I'll let that f*cker haunt me. His name is RICK. I DO NOT FEAR HIM!!!!! What he did was scary and confusing, but I am no longer a scared 6 year old. I can take care of myself. No one will EVER put me in that position again. I will not be his victim anymore. Damn it, I am a SURVIVOR. Rick, you are trash and you can not hurt me. I will hurt you, you will pay!
CASEY
 
my abuser's name was Mat. there i said it.

i am finding it is hard to truely face my abuser. i think i am, and then i find another way i'm still protecting him, and holding on to blaming myself. Mat hurt me, hurt me bad. i deserved better. Mat did it. Mat is the monster, not me. i think calling Mat my perp or my abuser detaches him from blame to an extent, and i think i agree with you. i'm sick of being afraid to say his name. why should i keep protecting him?
 
Casey & Phoster,

That's a big step and I'm proud of your progress. That's really cool.

The monsters are going to pay one way or another. Two of mine are gone to their "reward". I'm sure it won't be pleasant.

Marc
 
casey,

good for you, do not be afraid to tell of rick. he was a manipulator, pedophile, and abuser.
you were an innocent 6 year old, he had no right.

i hid mine for years. my abuser, child predator, and manipulators name was/is ron. i'll even say ron williams. screw him for what he did to me and to i bet others.

i will search for him when i get a little better in my current depression. it was 31 years ago. i was 10. he used me for 7 months as his g/f and special little guy. he was wrong. i don't know if he is dead, in jail, or still abusing.

peace my friend, blessings, guy
 
I always compared my abuser to Voldemort (my scar is on the inside). And remember, Harry is just about the only one not afraid to say his name and he's the one that kicked Voldemort's ass.
 
I never had a problem with my abusers name. I had to say it every day for years. Of course now days when ever I say it I tend to shake and become belligerent. He was a criminal by nature back then. He got caught stealing a battery from a car and sent to prison. He was young, pretty and had an nice tight butt. For years now he has been a humble, well mannered member of society. I sometimes think that I would like to hunt him down an kill him. But I wont. Robin got exactly what he had coming to him. Too bad the universal justice system doesnt quite make things right for the victims. But then how can what was stolen and broken be replaced? Justice is only a partial measure of recompense. Better than nothing.

There are days when I cant even look at that damned red breasted bird in my garden without getting pissed off because it shares his name. But that bird, the Robin, has to eat worms for a living. Which makes me feel better.

Aden
 
My abuser's name is Roger fucking Price. I've said it before, I'll say it as many times as I can until that sonofabitch KNOWS what's coming for him.

I'm not a scared, insecure child anymore. I'm a scared, immature, PISSED OFF adult who's going to run you into the ground, you fat bastard!

That's all these frigging abusers are, people who prey on the weak. They can't do it anymore. The only weapons they had was fear and shame. They have no power anymore and the shame is their's, not ours.

Choke on that, you evil sonsabitches!

Peace to us all, and love to us all.

Scot
 
My stepfather's name was Ted. I am still terrified of the bastard. So much so that every time I talk about my past, even here, I think he will somehow find out that I am telling on him.

I turn into a 5 year old. And saying his name is very difficult. I might have said it a handful of times in therapy... it's always "my stepfather" or "stepdad." I hate him for what he did to me, for terrorizing me to the extent that he did.

It's that fear of waking the evil... of calling it out... that is what keeps us from speaking the truth and speaking their name. I still fear seeing him even to this day.

Good thread... someday I hope to be able to destroy Ted with the truth of what he did.
 
I never knew my abusers name, but that doesn't matter, he is in hell now, don't know whether he ever got caught, he trapped me like a beast catching prey and watched me squirm through the agony, enjoying every second of the "kill", watching my innocence drain away, and the child perish.

The million questions that follow, is he following me? He threatened to kill me if I tell anybody, how many more kids did he get? Did he get caught? Is he following me? Does he know where I live? Is it safe to go to school? Will he kill my family? Will I die from an STD? Is it safe to go to outside and play? Will I see him in the street? It goes on and on, and when you're the kid the answers dont come easy.

But at the time, nobody came to help me through these questions, and of course you don't confide in anybody, as you don't know what reaction you will get.


Why should we have to live a life sentence for the "crime" of being totally innocent? Then we are denied the help we need, unless we are prepared to pay for it?

Society sucks, I just hope kids get a better deal than most of us got, but any deal can't take it away, we must all have a ticket to Heaven if there is a place as we surely have seen what Hell can be like.

We will get there because we can have hope, when you get this far the rest surely must be easy, I hope.

ste
 
My father's name is Konstantin. He physically abused me, my mother, my grandmother and my younger brother while he was alive. My coach's name is same as mine, Alexei. That does truly 'suck', to share first name with him. I guess that is partly why I am called Leosha with friends or family. The other man who abused me once with my coach is Sergei. I do not know the names of the two people who assault me last year, they never were found.

leosha
 
Strangely enough, my 8th grade teacher, who abused me, has the same name of my best friend when I was younger, Raymond. I would give you his last name but he has a son who is a Junior and there may even be a grandson with his name, as well.
I am in the process of tracking him down for a little restitution, whatever that will be. My therapist and my spouse remind me that a pillow over his head may not be legal.
I will try to do it very carefully with witnesses and maybe a recorder of somekind..you know, for the 6 o'clock news, maybe.

Good thread,

David
 
The name of my abuser was Jim Fowler - perverted bastard that always had a wooly hat on his head & still did went I bumped into him earlier this year.

Rik
 
Great thread, but too hard for me.

I, too, rarely say his name when talking about what happened. I noticed it myself, always thinking it would be unfair to him for me to share his name. Therapists haven't pushed me about his name.

I have more to lose by sharing his name than he does. It was so unfair what he did to me. And it is unfair that nobody in my family remembers or believes me. And it is unfair that it could ruin my career if I came out. (Trust me...I work for the Church.)

Harry isn't related to Voltimore, is he?
 
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