Visiting a hooker **LEGAL OF COURSE**

Visiting a hooker **LEGAL OF COURSE**
O

onlyakid

Well in the past few days of viewing porn and at a hotel, hearing a couple having sex, I've seen that it seemed like going to a legal brothel in Nevada would be something that I could do for myself to bring myself a little fun into my life.

Due to the abuse, I've been socially withdrawn and therefore a 26 year old virgin. Haven't had as much as a date or kissed a girl.

Is this something others have thought about and/or have done? If so, what are the possible problems and benifits to this?

I'm sure that some one has expierence or an opinion on this.

Jason
 
I have spent several long periods of celibacy. That always seemed preferable to resorting to a prostitute. You see, I was used for sex and cannot bring myself to use another in that way. I do know where the hookers are and have had many opportunities, but I cannot make it feel right. For me, the possible memory of guilt is greater than the potential physical pleasure.

That is just me. It is not a moral judgment.

Aden
 
Jason Aden has some words of wisdom.

Another thing sex with a hooker is just that. Sex and nothing else. It is mechanical and there is no intimacy or sharing. I am sure that having suffered under SA you would feel used again.

I was a male prostitute for three years or so and I can tell you that it is no fun. For me it was all about control and winners and losers.

I cannot tell you what to do but I really believe that it would give you a totally distorted view of sex that could seem like abuse and it would not ever resemble sharing.

Jake I assume that you will be returning from Nevada. Do you belong to a church. Maybe you could volunteer at the church or join some kind of group where you can meet women.

I'me afraid I cannot add much more.
 
I have never used the services of a prostitute, male or female.

My brother, who is handicapped physically, has never been married or dated, has been offered the services of women for sexual experiences. It seems to me that he has benefited greatly from it. He really enjoyed it.

I have heard others given this advice. "Pay a fair price and treat her like a lady." That was some old coots in AA, so take that for what it's worth.

If you looked at it as a sex therapy type thing I believe it could be very useful to you.

One valuable suggestion for this and other potentially triggering experiences is to 'bookend' them. That is be sure to have a trusted person with whom you can discuss what you are doing before the experience and then also afterward.

Having that in place beforehand makes it easier to be sure not to harbor ill feelings or guilt afterwards in hidden places.

Oh and also, you can always change your mind at any point along the journey.

I think that if your heart is in the right place, then you will be OK. It is legal there and the women earn a good living and have medical clearance, so I can't think of any better place to do it.

Good luck, buddy. It takes a lot of courage to consider this and I appreciate you bringing it here.

Regards,
 
Jason .... go for it! Just go and have some fun.
You're not looking for a moral lesson or spiritual experience, just fun, uncomplicated sex. And I'm fairly certain the girl will know what to do, so you can relax and enjoy it. Peace, Andrew
 
This is risky. Please be careful. I think in terms of liabilities, disease, etc. I'm 40, still a virgin, and not worried about it one bit. Having a hussy has crossed my mind now and then, but it kept on crossing.
 
Prostitution isn't legal over here, but it's common enough.

A single friend of mine uses their services quite regularly, and he's open about it.
He's also a very good looking young man, very sociable and 'desireable' to girls, and he has a constant stream of girlfiends - absolute stunners as well! :o But inbetween girlfriends he just pays his money.
That's a confidence thing on his part though, to him it's just a service like a laundromat.

When I was acting out I often looked at the male escort agency's listed locally, I thought that would be safer and easier than meeting dirty old men in toilets, which it would be.
But I never tried it, for me it wouldn't have been 'right'
I'm not altogether sure 'why?' but I'm glad I didn't.

Dave :confused:
 
I would rather not use another person. No judgements on you, but just a product of my screwed up life and also my moral upbringing. I don't even feel that porn is right, after all I am still using somebody that way. Just more remote so I can feel more superiority. But in reality I am just as base as some people I hate. It is more than just the sex, but I don't want to go into it right now.
 
I also agree with those that are advising you against it. I think that using someone for sex is not right, and unfortunately we all know very well how it feels to be used. One may say that prostitutes are there because they want to, they are adults and no one is forcing them, but again, we also know how common it is for victims of sexual abuse to go into prostitution as a way of acting out.

I have a similar opinion about pornography. To me it is also not right and that is why I feel so miserable to be addicted to it. Among so many reasons that make me feel this way is the fact that I believe that by being a consumer of pornography I am indirectly supporting that industry and I wonder how many of those people I see in porn sites or movies are not survivors themselves, trying to break free from the effects of SA, but still trapped into a vicious cycle of abuse. How many of those men and women are still in abusive relationships themselves, feeling powerless to free themselves and to start walking on a path of recovery, a path much similar to the one we are all currently treading.

I hope I am not offending anyone with my comments, as this is never my intention. Some may feel that my opinion is based on moral or ethical values. Well, they are and I honestly don't see anything wrong with moral values or ethics... We all need those values to live and deep inside our hearts we always get a feel for what is right and what is wrong. And if it were not for this internal value system we wouldn't be here discussing this topic. We would just be out there, acting according to what we know is right. My point is that I don't think the ideal way of living is one that is independent of our moral or ethical values, so we should not feel that we need to apologise or excuse ourselves for it, or try to come up with neutral/amoral arguments. Of course we should use our values system to help us discern right from wrong and guide our own behavior and never to be the judges of others or feel superior or humiliate others.

Anyway, I don't know why I got started on this. Or actually I do know. I was using a relativistic approach to moral values as an excuse to continue viewing porn. I would make excuses to myself for using porn and that was not helping me to heal, and it was not helping me to grow.

Peace,
Raphael
 
Wow! So, Jason, you really know how to get people thinking, don't you? Thanks a lot. I was not really in the mood this morning. However, I never met a topic I didn't have something to say about.

I have been interested in all of the replies to your post. Each person is sincere, has a bit different point of view and....I agree with all of them. I think that probably makes me morally and ethically ambivalent. Maybe I prefer omni-moral...anti-moral?

Anyway, enough of that. I was going to say "You pays your money and takes your choice." but thought better of it in this situation. But it's basically what I want to say. When it comes right down to it, it matters what Jason thinks. You have to decide how you feel morally about it, because you are the one who is going to be living with the decision. It may be as easy for you as going out and getting a massage, or it may be a very difficult moral decision for you. I can tell you that you will never be judged here, but also, that if you wanted uncomplicated advice, this was the last place you should have come. We are all certainly very complicated people.

If you decide to do it, then leave all of your hang-ups behind and have a wonderful time, but make sure you can do that. How awful it would be to pay your money, meet a beautiful girl, and feel guilty through the whole affair. I understand how you feel though. When I was a young man, I used to have this terrible fear that I would die without every having known what sex felt like. Now I know. As a geezer on the cusps of gaydom, I now have this fear of dying without ever having known what gay sex felt like. Life is nothing if not cyclical. I have gone through your moral dilemma and have come up on the side of nope, don't think so....but then I'm married and I would indeed be giving morality a kick in the pants. I'm not moral about prostitution, but am quite moral about marriage.

As usual, I ramble (No....You?). Just be careful, Jason. If your decision is "yes", make sure you choose carefully. Legal or not legal, I have a feeling there is a wide range of safety out there. Bobby
 
Thank you to everyone who responded. I guess it was just a fleeting thought that seemed like a good idea at the time but now I don't believe is.

Yes, I do just want uncomplicated sex, however that is not possible for a survivor, when it comes to sex everything is complicated.

I also don't want to get an diseases or one day find out I have a 10 year old kid somewhere because there was a very small hole in the condom.

Jason
 
I am totally against it. If you think about it, such an intimate act should be carried out with someone you love. Think about it? The first girl you go with is a prostitute! Don't know what effect it would have on your mind, but I know what it would do to mine in similar circumstances.

Think about how your mind processes it, what if you cannot perform and she mocks you? Worse still, you blame yourself.

How about visiting a masseur, and just let your boundaries subside or be tested before you think of anything else.

I think the analogy goes like this, the boy who was treated as the whore, turns to a whore for comfort, does he find comfort, or more emotional garbage, only you know that one.

take care,

ste
 
think the analogy goes like this, the boy who was treated as the whore, turns to a whore for comfort, does he find comfort, or more emotional garbage, only you know that one.
Click to expand...
what the fuck is that??????!!!!!!!!

how fuckin dare u judge? dont u care if u hurt someone? u any idea how many of us been there???????

i may be a whore bur ur a judgemental insensitive jerk
 
Jason

Well, first, what an honest and open topic to post.Its a reasonable question and I think its wonderful that you trusted people on here and were willing to be vulnerable enough to write something that many survivors have probably asked themselves-I know I have. How do I jumpstart my sex life? Should I go to a prostitute? Sex and intimacy have been really difficult and yes I fall prey to the pressures of culture. Jeez, I'm a man, I'm supposed to be some kind of machine, and then of course, the thoughts of sex for sex sake go against my own feelings about how I was treated, but that may not be fair, so I feel conflicted at times. And so I have often just shut down. Mostly shut down or avoided.

There are other options than prostitutes. Sex surrogates, but they cost money. But it would be a way to build up confidence. If you have female friends, maybe they would be willing to start by snuggling, cuddling or just kissing with you. Rather than going all out for one quick, and possibly disappointing experience, you could build up and learn what women like, rather than just going for sex. You'd gain a lot, have some good and bad experiences, and see what you like. Just a thought.

I say disappointing for the prostitute experience, just because that could be the case for anyone, survivor or not. Some guy wrote online about his experiences at a whorehouse. It was not all that exciting. Can't remember now how I found it-but again, like you, I asked myself if a prostitute was an option and did some research.

I can't judge you for your thoughts and God knows most of us are hard too hard on ourselves. Sexuality is so much a part of us, and of course for most of us, if not all, and in many ways for most people, it gets all screwed up. I think its great that you are looking at options and talking about your concern-which also allows guys on here to be open and talk about their own concerns. The more I have talked with other guys, not just survivors, the more normal I have felt, even with all my sexual insecurity.

I hope that somehow you eventually find someone who cares enough to show you love and that you experience intimacy with and without sex. Hoping the same for myself.
 
I don't post very often here especially in the public forum but after reading this topic and the replies I feel I need to say something.

The topic at hand really is about being intimate with someone else and paying for that pleasure vs. encouraging or experiencing the event via common attraction coming from both sides of the equation.

I can tell you from recent experience that paying for the pleasure is a complete loss and waste. For me in particular, it resulted in spending money for nothing. Lots of money. But at the same time, I felt sorry for the other person. I saw their lives as a constant attempt to earn the next dollar no matter how short.

As for supporting or advocating the opposite, that of being intimate with someone because of the common attraction between the two parties, I cannot say that that is also a successful answer either becuase it's not been that way for me. However, I do know people who have been there and people who are in love with each other.

Maybe it is then, that some people are just destined to not be partnered with others?

Where is it written/promised that everyone must or shall be connected intimately with another human?

Jim :confused:
 
Your follow-up post made a lot of sense IMO.


I would try a strip club. Bring some friends and bring some singles (even go for a lap dance!). It's clean, no health issues, and the strippers I met really like what they do (long, long ago), at least at the club I went to (not saying be a regular, but every guy needs to go once at least)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top