victim as perpetrator

victim as perpetrator
Michael,

I used to have that kind of solace too. Just couldn't handle it. I'm just not made to be an island unto myself. Yeah it hurts other guys have this pain. But that's the reality, so we might as well share it & help each other thru it.

BTW don't give up on the hope of an intimate relationship with someone you love & who loves you...

Take care Michael

Victor
 
Victor....i have to be a realist with myself......that is never going to be possible for me....THERE IS WAY TOO MUCH DAMAGE......i will never be able to be "NORMAL".......

thank you for the encouragement though.....

michael
 
michaelb - i just read your note about taking heart meds and how that will effect your being able to have a normal sex life.
Being an island -- I too have heart problems, and have to take all those damn drugs (26 + a day) when you find a partner who will be intimate with you , that partner will be accepting and patient with your heart disease and its effects as much as they will be with survivor issues.
yea, it sucks to have to stop and take meds before you begin activity, and then pause until the headache part goes away, and it even is frustrating to pause in the middle to stop and take more meds -- but a loving intimate partner will be patient and loving and understanding a long the way with that too.
the sadness i can identify with -- the loss of what should have been, could have been -- keep trying on your good days and allow yourself the grief too...
Peace Wifey1
 
i'm assuming you are referring to viagra.....that is not possible for me....my cardiologist will not prescribe it for me because i have so little heart muscle left..congestive heart failure.......my only option is to quit taking my heart pills for a few days.......he said i could very easily go into cardiac arrest......plus i'm certain the anti-depressants i'm on effect my ability to have sex for a long time.....michael
 
michaelb -
oh sorry if i caused confusion. No I didnt mean viagra -- for me I have to use nitroglycerin a lot before and during and after any exertion.
but for the sex activity itself, you know best your body and what you can handle exertion wise.
However the intimacy part and loving part does not neccessarily have to include the physical contact act of intercourse part of sex. Just holding each other and touching each other can often be enough. I am not sure how old you are (i am 41), & have dealt with the heart disease now for about 4 yrs.
it has been a real learning process -- what is safe limits not just emotionally but physically as well.
I just wanted to share some hope that massage, touch, kissing -- what ever you're comfortable with is a trial and error and can be gratifying also.
For hubby2 he had a lot of problems with the antidepressants, as did I -- it left us more frustrated than worth taking them. ( I am in no way recommending you stop taking any prescribed meds check with your doc first always!) He is on a new antidepressant that he has success with, but it still takes a lot of patience for both of us. We have had to learn to say when something isnt right -- which can ruin the mood real quick, or we can see it as a positive when we managed to talk and find a new way.
Having only part of your heart muscle working can cause so much physical depression, and what is so frustrating (for me at least) is that touch and sexual contact is a joyous wondeful feeling, I get more irked that the disease can infect and ruin what can be and should be the most pleasurable part of my life with my hubby2. The touch and sexual activity in itself can be physically healing I have found. It lowers my stress, my blood pressure, and is good exercise that is pleasurable compared to that awful bicycle.
Best of wishes for you michaelb ~ Wifey1
 
bornagain
Welcome to the Male Survivor family. I hope we prove to be of assistance to you. Since you have only just arrived (according to your profile) and don't know how things work around here, let me gently give you a little nudge. We don't attack people personally. We may disagree with some of their thinking, their values or the way they express things. But we never, or at least we try not to, attack a person on a personal level. We all need to remember that each of us, including you, are in different stages of recovery, and the reactions we have to our abuse are many and varied. We have some excellent monitors here who will help guide you, as well as some senior deacon type characters who will be only too glad to lend you a hand. So please give all of us a chance. I know this place may be a little scary in terms of some of the subject matter in the discussion forum, but in the end, we are all here for one purpose, to help ourselves recover.
 
Andrew.

I just wanted to support your post in referance to Bornagain. We must not judge others who come here in need of support. As you so rightly said we are all at varying stages of our recovery.

I would like to remind, or inform Bornagain that all these post's are monitered by people who work with survivors of sexual abuse as well as abusers. If what you had stated were true, I'm sure they would have taken appropriate action.

Mark
 
Andrew: Well said! And thank you.

Mark: Good point, about the fact that appropriate
action will be taken if & when needed; at least, we'll try...

Victor
 
just curious, what was bornagains post????? guess i've received his religous fanaticism in my disguting private messages from him........i really think his membership should be revoked........michael
 
andrew-now52(hb btw):
We have some excellent monitors here who will help guide you, as well as some senior deacon type characters who will be only too glad to lend you a hand. So please give all of us a chance. I know this place may be a little scary in terms of some of the subject matter in the discussion forum, but in the end, we are all here for one purpose, to help ourselves recover.
Click to expand...
nice way of putting things andrew. the senior farty types ( :) ), and many of the junior types as well, lend/share/give their experiences, strengths and hopes to us all.

jer
 
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