Very unwelcome echo of a past intruder
HavingHope2
Registrant
Last night was terribly upsetting over something that should not have been such a big production.
Picked my 13yo daughter up from a friend's house and immediately saw something was wrong. Her face and voice were an inch away from full crying, whole demeanor was severely troubled. I asked her what was wrong and she gave the world's least convincing "nothing!" I tried gently suggesting some of the common problems -- "NOTHING. LEAVE ME ALONE". Dear, it's my job to help you with --"WHY DO YOU KEEP TALKING LIKE THAT, LEAVE ME ALONE!" said the visibly inch-away-from-crying kid.
In orange alert verging into red I got her home ASAP, she was in meltdown before climbing the staircase. Even after the tears started she again repeated nothing was wrong and I should leave her alone. Thank God, she texted my wife over how upset she was. She'd been left out of some group plan, we had dealt with that before, and we dealt with it again. Except this time only my wife dealt with it, as I was literally standing out of view, quietly. She told my wife but denied it repeatedly to me, badly denied in obvious lies, and didn't want me in the convo at all.
I've never been so cut out and dismissed like that and it was very upsetting. We've always had a great relationship and communication, I was welcome in every topic and she shared and listened to me, until she turned 13. Now she only wants Mom's input and my role is to drive her places with my mouth shut. The more I try to reach out and just act like we did a year ago, the more I get the eyeroll and the monosyllabic answer.
Much more unpleasantly, in 17 years of parenting this was the first-ever glimpse of something resembling "something bad happened to me and I can't tell."
And it wasn't That, it was nothing like That, she got left out socially and I'm sorry and we can deal with that (preferably with me contributing, but I guess this time not). But for a while there, her mindset was clearly at the I Can't Tell and it fucking gutted me. Between being sidelined as a parent and having seen my daughter peek into the distance at the bad dark pathway, I was so upset. We have ALWAYS emphasized that they must tell us their problems, we will always be there for them, the worse it feels the more they have to let us help.
But my parents had told me the exact. Same. Thing. And they would have helped me. I knew as a kid that they would have helped me, though saw this as unnecessary because I didn't think I needed help, it was no big deal and would only upset everyone. My daughter did the right thing but for a while there she was thinking just like I had and I wanted to scream.
Picked my 13yo daughter up from a friend's house and immediately saw something was wrong. Her face and voice were an inch away from full crying, whole demeanor was severely troubled. I asked her what was wrong and she gave the world's least convincing "nothing!" I tried gently suggesting some of the common problems -- "NOTHING. LEAVE ME ALONE". Dear, it's my job to help you with --"WHY DO YOU KEEP TALKING LIKE THAT, LEAVE ME ALONE!" said the visibly inch-away-from-crying kid.
In orange alert verging into red I got her home ASAP, she was in meltdown before climbing the staircase. Even after the tears started she again repeated nothing was wrong and I should leave her alone. Thank God, she texted my wife over how upset she was. She'd been left out of some group plan, we had dealt with that before, and we dealt with it again. Except this time only my wife dealt with it, as I was literally standing out of view, quietly. She told my wife but denied it repeatedly to me, badly denied in obvious lies, and didn't want me in the convo at all.
I've never been so cut out and dismissed like that and it was very upsetting. We've always had a great relationship and communication, I was welcome in every topic and she shared and listened to me, until she turned 13. Now she only wants Mom's input and my role is to drive her places with my mouth shut. The more I try to reach out and just act like we did a year ago, the more I get the eyeroll and the monosyllabic answer.
Much more unpleasantly, in 17 years of parenting this was the first-ever glimpse of something resembling "something bad happened to me and I can't tell."
And it wasn't That, it was nothing like That, she got left out socially and I'm sorry and we can deal with that (preferably with me contributing, but I guess this time not). But for a while there, her mindset was clearly at the I Can't Tell and it fucking gutted me. Between being sidelined as a parent and having seen my daughter peek into the distance at the bad dark pathway, I was so upset. We have ALWAYS emphasized that they must tell us their problems, we will always be there for them, the worse it feels the more they have to let us help.
But my parents had told me the exact. Same. Thing. And they would have helped me. I knew as a kid that they would have helped me, though saw this as unnecessary because I didn't think I needed help, it was no big deal and would only upset everyone. My daughter did the right thing but for a while there she was thinking just like I had and I wanted to scream.
